Today, at Ralph’s for canned tuna, I saw rise in front of me in much the same way the apes in 2001 saw the monolith rise in front of them, the following shocking marketing decision:
That’s right, in the middle of the ghetto Ralph’s up the street from me is a display dedicated to selling nautcally-themed bric-a-brac. The kind of stuff your grandfather might put on the mantel or your aunt on the sideboard. Yes, precious keepsakes for your home, like this chronometer:
First, because who doesn’t need a wall clock shaped like a sailing ship’s wheel? Verily, for my apartment has been unfurnished to this point without such an item. Second, because the Ralph’s (not even a Ralph’s Fresh Fare) is where I would first think to buy such a thing. Nautical home accessories! At the supermarket! It’s a marketing breakthrough!
In case you missed it, apparently somebody’s going to buy a carved wooden boat. Yes, a boat at the supermarket. I have proof:
I’m so confused by this concept, I’m almost unable to make fun of it!
OK, I’ll admit there was one time I wanted something sold at Ralph’s — I still wish I’d purchased the Spirited Away DVD there. I figured I could get it cheaper at Best Buy but they didn’t even have it! Ah, cruel fate.
But the DVD even was at least an appropriate checkout aisle impulse purchase. Sailing ships of yore, on the other hand, are bulky home decorations. Who pushes their cart past this display and picks up something? Why did Ralph’s think this was a good idea? Is it the competition from the Big Lots next door? Because, if I had a store and found myself competing with Big Lots I’d throw in the towel (don’t get me wrong, I love my Big Lots deals — but it’s one thing to keep them off your home territory and another to branch out to cover the rest of their purview). I mean, it’s a frickin’ grocery store. Dump the boats and give me some meat that’s not nasty and brown and old.
I dread, dread the day they begin to sell divans and ottomans.