Thank you for televising the Winter Olympics. Being both a typical male — infatuated with sports — and a typical American — jingoistic as all get-out — I rather enjoy the nationalistic, energetic competition of the Olympics. I also love the speed and danger of the many sports that rely on sliding on sharp metal or skinny plastic things for locomotion. It would be wonderful if you could intersperse your human interest stories with some actual sports, you know, like everyone expects from the Olympics.
I’ve been trapped watching Tivo all day long, not because I don’t love Tivo but, rather, because you have spread your programming out across forty-seven different cable networks, none of which show sports at the same time, and because none of these forty-seven cable networks actually show sports for more than two consecutive minutes. I realize that many of your viewers enjoy these stories, and I’ll admit that, from time to time, I find that they add a great deal; but, by and large, I just want to watch people slide down frozen half-pipes at 80 miles per hour sitting on a piece of plastic and metal that keeps them less than an inch off the ground. To the extent that you can give me the maximum possible density of bobsledders, or speedskaters, or even hockey (despite enjoying lacrosse, NASCAR, and Professional Bull Riding, I’ve not developed a taste for the “superfecta”:http://www.answers.com/main/ntquery?s=superfecta&gwp=13 of white people sports), I would prefer to watch wall-to-wall death-defying derring-do. Or, at least, have Dick Button shut up and let people skate.
Ice dancing is, however, right out.
Since you have 47 possible stations from which you can broadcast the Olympics, perhaps you could dedicate just one to full-time sports? I’d be happy to watch anything, even curling (why not laugh at Canadians?). Except ice dancing, but we’ve already covered that.