Published Mar 14, 2006

I have a confession to make, a confession that will make you lose all sympathy for me. A confession that will draw away any residual extent to which you identify with me. A confession that will ensure that you label me, henceforth, as a freak. Aargh. I can barely admit it. OK, here I go.

I’ve only used the snooze button on an alarm clock twice in my life.

There, I’ve gone and said it. It’s a hard thing to confess, but it’s true. Every morning, that alarm goes off; and every morning, I get up and get going. It’s just that simple. I don’t even need coffee; as soon as that awful sound begins, I’m out of bed, turning off the alarm, sliding on my slippers, and, these days, checking my e-mail. (Nothing like a little pre-breakfast e-mailing.)

Once, during my Junior year of college, I experimented a little; I hit the snooze button, twice, on a mid-week morning. It was my junior year, I’d always wondered what it was like, so I just planned ahead the night before and did it. When that alarm went off, I pressed snooze, then I let my eyes close again; a moment later, my sleep was again molested by the buzzing and I again quieted the noise with snooze; then, another moment, and I was up on my feet and out the door of my dorm room. Just in time to make breakfast 15 minutes before the dining hall switched to lunch (no way was I missing my Apple Jacks).

But it was pretty unsatisfying. Apart from barely getting my mandatory morning Apple Jacks (later in my Junior year, I broke up with a ridiculously hot girlfriend because she was getting in the way of my Apple Jacks and comics), I was just as tired after two snoozes as I was before the two snoozes. Realistically, who can get rest in nine-minute increments? But it was alluring, and all the cool kids were doing it, so, a few tired mornings in a row, I became tremendously tempted to join the snooze crew.

So I moved my alarm clock across the room. And there it stayed, for years, and every morning I would get out of bed and walk to turn it off and, by the time I got to the clock, there was little to no point in hitting the snooze button (seven feet there and seven feet back is way too long to stay asleep for me). From that time forward, I was on the straight-out-of-bed-in-the-morning train. Even when I lived with the only girlfriend I’ve lived with, a woman who was dedicated to vegetarianism, and the maximum possible use of the snooze button, I leapt from under the covers and was in the bathroom and in the kitchen in minutes. Of course, with her it was harder because she insisted I sleep on the inside of our bed, against the wall, so I had to slide out of the covers and down the foot of the bed, to keep from bothering, or, worse, treading upon her.

Finally, when I moved to my most recent apartment, I actually put the alarm next to the bed, which was kind of radical; but I had a new, real job (no more working for myself) and I was excited to get up in time for breakfast and then work at 8:30 (granted I typically made it to work at 9:15; but that’s a story for another time). So, now, I get up at 6:30 to the sound of my apparently-immortal, 13-year-old, Korean-off-brand digital alarm clock, featuring what several well-meaning girlfriends have characterized as “the most annoying alarm ever.”

Maybe it’s that horrible, grating noise that gets me up every morning. Whatever, I don’t use that snooze, even though all of the cool kids tell me to.


I really should move my alarm across the room. Xta seems capable of getting up on the first ring, but my boot cycle takes 30-40 minutes of repeated nudging.

Maybe you should try Clocky!

I have discovered the secret to waking up rested and refreshed.

I have a cd-player alarm clock that lets you wake to the track of your choice, on whatever CD you put in the player.

so I burned a CD with a playlist of songs that goes from a nice, gentle hawaiian melody at track 1, and progresses to louder, funkier music, so that at track 15 it’s james brown yelling at me to GET UP (get on up). it lets me wake up during the right point at my sleep cycle so I don’t wake up groggy and useless. (can we take it to the bridge)

the trick is to set the thing to go off 45 minutes before you actually MUST be up, so that if you sleep all the way through to JB, you’ll still wake up on time. And if you wake up earlier, you get to check if there’s a new “Ask a Ninja”

It’s a sony dream machine and I just LOVE that thing.

i didnt lose all sympathy for you, i instead, gained a shit-ton…

snoozing is one of my favorite morning rituals…all those moments drowsing away, warm in the bed, the light falling in all slanty, the kitties purring and stretching, the silence, all those tender moments of just laying there half asleep thinking about your dreams that you just had…

poor wade. snoozing is empowerment.