Published Mar 27, 2013

Usually, if a person comes up and says “guess what! I doubled my body weight in two months!” one is not full of praise and compliments. Equally usually, the person who says something like this would call out their achievement in a shirt stained with Reese’s Cup crumbs and barbecue sauce. But what would you say if I had a plan to help you, yes you, get just this kind of incredible weight gain with an all-liquid diet?

Of course, you’d have to be a newborn too. Everything’s got fine print.

The size of the baby

Declan put some big weight on — we just went to his 2-month checkup today, and it’s astounding how big he’s gotten. From the little cricket who was swimming in his size Newborn clothes, he’s come so far. Now his weight is solidly on the chart, his height is getting there, and his head — well , his head is a good standard deviation and a half up the growth chart from the rest of his body.

I think it’s safe to say that this boy has gotten some of his body shape genes from his mother’s side of the family, all a bunch of cheery, chatty Micks with big, round, barely-balancing-on-your-neck Seth McFarlane-style heads.

The trick is apparently to feed them what they want, whenever they want, without forcing any extra food down their throats and gorging them. (Said gorging leading to the dreaded spit-ups, of course.) I highly recommend this technique in your life. You’ll move your head up the growth charts by at least a standard deviation in no time!