The 20 Worst Foods in America 2009
"Three gut-bombs remain: Uno Chicago Grill's individual 2,310-calorie Classic Deep Dish is still the worst pizza that could pass your lips. Romano's Macaroni Grill's 2,430-calorie spaghetti and meatballs is a truly lethal plate of pasta. And Bob Evans' 1,543-calorie banana pecan pancakes won't just break your fast--they'll destroy it. What's more, we found 17 more deplorable dishes worthy of spots on our "worst" list."
Feb 5, 2009 in Absurdity, Food | Comment
Our Dumb World
"Click on the Onion pins scattered around the globe to reveal mind-expanding factoids about the lesser, conquerable nations of the Earth. Come back each week to learn more about how little you know. "
Dec 19, 2008 in Absurdity | Comment
Putin Teaches Judo in Instructional Video
Via MMA Fanhouse
Oct 9, 2008 in Absurdity | Comment
Hot Chicks with Douchebags
If you ever needed to see what kind of douchebags could get hot chicks, here's the place. All hot chicks, all douchebags, all the time. Altho, I'm thinkin', am I just too nice to be here? Maybe it's the hair...
Apr 1, 2008 in Absurdity | Comment (2)
For some, fluoridated water still hard to swallow
Finally, LA is flouridating its water! Apparently Martin Sheen is one of the crackpots against this idea. Who knew they still existed? It's a bizarre policy to which to be opposed.
Dec 22, 2007 in Absurdity | Comment (5)
Dell Dude Now Tequila Dude
Dude! He's gettin' minimum wage! How the mighty have fallen. And, started to look creepy. I wonder if he saved anything?
Via Obscure Store
Nov 7, 2007 in Absurdity | Comment
Locate A Kwik-E-Mart
7-Eleven is rebranding a bunch of its stores as Kwik-E-Marts for the Simpsons Movies. Find the one nearest you. (The one nearest me is within walking distance, at Venice & Sepulveda!)
Jul 2, 2007 in Absurdity | Comment (1)
Guess who was nominated for a Nobel Peace Prize
Now you can make a historical reference, tell someone that they deserve the Nobel Peace Prize, and invoke Godwin's Law all at the same time! Convenient.
May 25, 2007 in Absurdity | Comment
They didn't study
"If you don't study... may as well be a little creative."
Via Daring Fireball
Mar 30, 2007 in Absurdity | Comment
Thar she blows! Dead whale explodes
"Residents of Tainan learned a lesson in whale biology after the decomposing remains of a 60-ton sperm whale exploded on a busy street, showering nearby cars and shops with blood and organs and stopping traffic for hours." With photo that very completely answers the question "what happens when a whale explodes?"
Mar 26, 2007 in Absurdity | Comment (1)
The Worst Band Names of '06
I agree that Gnarls Barkley is a craptacular band name. OTOH, I kinda like Set Your Goals. And Down with Naked.
Mar 23, 2007 in Absurdity | Comment
Nora the Piano-Playing Cat
Mar 18, 2007 in Absurdity | Comment
Web 2.0 or Star Wars Character?
Good name for Web 2.0 company or good name for Star Wars Bounty Hunter? Could both be true? Wonder what's at Greedo.com...
Via Strategic Name Development Blog
Jan 19, 2007 in Absurdity | Comment
PS3 vs. Wii
Dec 30, 2006 in Absurdity | Comment
I seriously have no idea what this Japanese thing is (but it's incredible)
Via LAist
Dec 28, 2006 in Absurdity | Comment (2)
Dead drug lord's hippos on the loose in Colombia
Apparently Pablo Escobar loved the exotic animals. The other ones on his estate have been taken by zoos or are dead, but the hippos are too ornery to move and, worst of all, are breeding and turning the place into their own happy home. Badass!
Via Fark
Dec 25, 2006 in Absurdity | Comment
O Holy Crap
"What I love about it is just when you think it couldn't possibly get any worse, it does. By a lot. And it does this more than once, building to the most glorious mess I've ever heard. I smile every time I hear it." I love Christmas song, but this is: Worst. Christmas. Song. Evar.
Via Uncle Bob's Diary o' Chuckles
Dec 19, 2006 in Absurdity | Comment
Leaf
Nothing like an independent movie that plays on our sense of Schadenfreude! And Ryan Leaf is one of those people in whose schaden we can truly take freude.
Dec 16, 2006 in Absurdity | Comment
Urban-based birds 'learn to rap'
"Dutch researchers found that urban species of birds sing short, fast songs rather than the slower melodies of countryside birds."
Via Fark
Dec 5, 2006 in Absurdity | Comment
Lawsuit stirs up guacamole labeling controversy
"Peanut butter is made from peanuts, tomato paste is made from tomatoes, and guacamole is made from avocados, right? Wrong. The guacamole sold by Kraft Foods Inc., one of the bestselling avocado dips in the nation, includes modified food starch, hefty amounts of coconut and soybean oils, and a dose of food coloring. The dip contains precious little avocado, but many customers mistake it for wholly guacamole." This article is in contention for "least likely word combinations in headlines."
Dec 1, 2006 in Absurdity | Comment (2)
The stunning size 12 model branded 'too fat' for TV competition
The parable of the 154 lb. beauty vs. the 115 lb. skin-and-bones and how the normal-sized one won on a TV supermodel search, even though the professional judges criticized her "stocky" legs. Complete with really really hot photo of the "larger" woman and really traumatic photo of the competing woman with the what the judges called a "sensational" figure and who is also clinically underweight.
Nov 30, 2006 in Absurdity | Comment
Britain's unluckiest man falls down manhole
"Lyne's career began as a child, when he fell off a horse and cart and was run over by a delivery van. As a teenager, he fell from a tree and broke his arm. On his way home from hospital - on Friday 13th - the bus he was in crashed, provoking another fracture in the same arm."
Nov 24, 2006 in Absurdity | Comment
The Queen ducks rude parrot
"African grey Sunny was shipped off the frigate HMS Lancaster before The Queen toured it in Portsmouth on Thursday. The mascot’s salty utterings included 'a**e', 'feck' and phrases such as 'Zulus, thousands of 'em,' and 'You ain't seen nothing, right?'" I am soooo teaching Junior to say "Zulus, thousants of 'em."
Via Fark
Nov 11, 2006 in Absurdity | Comment
Reader's trip to Borat country
"Women with hair on their faces, taxis drawn by donkeys and a national obsession with horsemeat. This is the ugly picture of his home country as painted by Borat, No2 journalist in Kazakhstan. But is it really as grim as the funnyman Sacha Baron Cohen, below, makes out in his new hit movie, in cinemas now? We sent one lucky reader to Kazakhstan, to find out."
Via Fark
Nov 3, 2006 in Absurdity | Comment
Comma quirk irks Rogers
"A grammatical blunder may force Rogers Communications Inc. to pay an extra $2.13-million to use utility poles in the Maritimes after the placement of a comma in a contract permitted the deal's cancellation." See folks, learning to write well really does pay off!
Via bBlog
Sep 11, 2006 in Absurdity | Comment
Rare moving island creates new beachfront
"William Lodi saw it coming. His neighbor even dragged out the camcorder as a tree-covered island slowly and inexorably cruised across the pond to beach itself in Lodi's back yard... With roughly the dimensions of a football field, the island -- complete with nesting egrets, ducks, muskrats and a pair of tub-sized snapping turtles nicknamed Big Ben and Frankenstein -- has been cruising Island Pond for decades."
Via Fark
Aug 20, 2006 in Absurdity | Comment
Packets create mess of confusion
"When a group of 10 to 15 people wearing masks enter a fast-food joint in the late evening, the first thing many people would think is that a holdup was about to begin. But at about 10:46 p.m. Tuesday, when such a group entered a local Taco Bell, they weren't there to take - they were there to return. The masked men were toting six 40-gallon trash bags filled with individual packets of taco sauce - about 25,000 in all, police guess. A note left with the sauce - which likely weighed more than 400 pounds, based on data available on Taco Bell's Web site - said the group had been accumulating them for the past three years, storing them in the trunk of a car."
Aug 10, 2006 in Absurdity | Comment
Texas Man Catches Fish With Human-Like Teeth
"A fish caught in Lubbock, Texas, with teeth that look like they belong to a human has baffled wildlife officials in the area, according to a report."
Jul 23, 2006 in Absurdity | Comment
Des Moines' well-endowed flood control
Jun 8, 2006 in Absurdity | Comment
Monkey Chow Diaries:
Eating nothing but Monkey Chow!
Jun 7, 2006 in Absurdity | Comment
Would-be robber asks bank how to do it
Jun 3, 2006 in Absurdity | Comment
Lovesick swan falls in love with swan paddle boat
May 30, 2006 in Absurdity | Comment
We Call It Life
"The Competitive Enterprise Institute has produced two 60-second television spots focusing on the alleged global warming crisis and the calls by some environmental groups and politicians for reduced energy use." The message is: "responding to global warming is inconvenient!" Both funnily awful and deeply evil!
May 29, 2006 in Absurdity | Comment
Wing Music
Proving that anyone can have a career in music, if they're just determined -- and sadistic -- enough. Found via South Park.
May 26, 2006 in Absurdity | Comment
Hospitalized husband says wife shredded his privates
"'She didn't use no weapon - this was just sheer brute strength and fingernails. She grabbed me by my [scrotum] and ripped it apart with her bare hands,' Randolph said yesterday from his hospital bed at Albert Einstein Medical Center, where he was in stable condition with stitched and bandaged genitals."
May 23, 2006 in Absurdity | Comment
The Greatest Headline Ever
May 23, 2006 in Absurdity | Comment
Windows 98 Demo BSOD
An oldie but a goodie, from the first public demo of the then-new Windows 98.
May 22, 2006 in Absurdity | Comment
Revealed: The identity of the BBC's latest star
"A computer expert has described his astonishment at seeing the BBC's 24-hour news channel interview supposed taxi driver Guy Goma in the mistaken belief it was him. Guy Kewney - a white, bearded technology expert - was astonished to see himself appear on screen as a black man with an apparent French accent. He was even more shocked to see himself unable to answer basic questions about the legal battle between the Beatles' Apple Corps and Apple Computer over the use of an apple symbol." Includes link to the classic interview video, including what may be the best expression ever captured on film.
May 16, 2006 in Absurdity | Comment
Argentina v/s Brazil
Dueling soccer/condom/typography ads.
Apr 22, 2006 in Absurdity | Comment
Beyond embiggens and cromulent
"Everyone knows (4th para) the Simpsons is really all about linguistics — and these links are just what I could come up with in a few quick searches here and there."
Apr 16, 2006 in Absurdity | Comment
Lose Weight with Aids!
When product names attack!
Mar 31, 2006 in Absurdity | Comment
Beer flows from kitchen faucet
"It almost seemed like a miracle to Haldis Gundersen when she turned on her kitchen faucet this weekend and found the water had turned to beer."
Mar 14, 2006 in Absurdity | Comment
The Torn-Up Credit Card Application
If you tear up a MasterCard application, then tape it back together, request the card be sent to something other than your home address and give something other than your home phone number as the contact, will MasterCard send you a card? The answer may surprise you. Then again, it probably won't.
Mar 13, 2006 in Absurdity | Comment
Bulgarian's blood-alcohol level astounds doctors
"Bulgarian doctors tested a man's blood-alcohol level five times before accepting it was 0.914 – nearly twice the amount considered to be life-threatening."
Mar 5, 2006 in Absurdity | Comment
Black and white twins
"When Kylie Hodgson gave birth to twin daughters by caesarean section, she was just relieved that they had arrived safely. It was only when the midwife handed them over for her to hold that she noticed the difference between them. Remee, who weighed 5lb 15oz, was blonde and fair skinned. Her sister Kian, born a minute later weighing 6lb, was black."
Mar 1, 2006 in Absurdity | Comment
Welcome to Uncyclopedia, the content-free encyclopedia that anyone can edit.
True? No. Funny? Yes. User-editable? Yay technology!
Feb 20, 2006 in Absurdity | Comment
Grocery shopping? Take your rubber gloves!
"Shopping cart handles are the most bacteria-infested items among some commonly used objects while doorknobs on public bathrooms are not as bad as might be expected, according to a survey conducted in South Korea."
Feb 14, 2006 in Absurdity | Comment
Greatest Blonde Joke Ever
This joke over at Blonde Justice kills me!
Feb 11, 2006 in Absurdity | Comment
Pet parrot bites, helps ID suspect in burglary
"Deeter, of Williamsport, told police the parrot bit him 'very hard' after he entered Erb's apartment in the 600 block of Pine Street, and he still had the marks to prove it when he was arrested, according to the arrest affidavit."
Jan 20, 2006 in Absurdity | Comment
Mouthy parrot "reveals sex secret"
"A computer programmer found out his girlfriend was having an affair when his pet parrot kept repeating her lover's name, British media reported Tuesday." I'm glad Junior isn't an accomplished mimic!
Jan 17, 2006 in Absurdity | Comment
The Llama Song
It's a Hamster Dance for today.
Jan 16, 2006 in Absurdity | Comment
Cy
"Cy, short for Cyclopes, a kitten born with only one eye and no nose, is shown in this photo provided by its owner in Redmond, Oregon, on Wednesday, Dec. 28, 2005."
Jan 14, 2006 in Absurdity | Comment
Click Here, You Idiot
Jan 6, 2006 in Absurdity | Comment
Baltimore surprised to be 'fittest city'
"'I think it's probably the most mis-fit city in America,' said Charisse Bailey as she dug into a typical Baltimore lunch: fried red snapper on thick white bread, with a side of french fries and a beer."
Jan 6, 2006 in Absurdity | Comment
So, Guy Walks Up to the Bar, and Scalia Says...
"Justice Antonin Scalia's wit is widely admired, and now it has been quantified. He is, a new study concludes, 19 times as funny as Justice Ruth Bader Ginsburg."
Jan 5, 2006 in Absurdity | Comment
Comedian sacked by SMS
"A leading German TV station has fired one of the country's most popular comedians by text message. Comedian Hans Werner Olm said he thought it was a joke when he received a text message telling him he had been sacked."
Dec 22, 2005 in Absurdity | Comment
Superman 'too big'
"London - The new Superman is giving movie bosses a headache - because of the size of his bulge. They fear Brandon Routh's profile in the superhero's skintight costume could be distracting, reports the Sun." The question: was Routh's package minimized with clever costuming or digitally shrunk?
Dec 18, 2005 in Absurdity | Comment
The Mynah Birds
"It seems impossible to believe, but it really happened: for a short time in early 1966, Rick James and Neil Young were in the same band... It is difficult to determine exactly what the Mynah Birds might have sounded like, though, because although they did an album's worth of material for Motown, nothing from those sessions has ever been released."
Dec 18, 2005 in Absurdity | Comment
Skateboard move creator sues for $20M
"The creator of an aerial skateboarding move known as ollie is suing several companies, including Disney and Sega, over the use of the word. Alan 'Ollie' Gelfand, 42, says the companies infringed on trademarking rights. He is seeking more than $20 million in damages" I always wondered why it was called an Ollie! Even when we were in junior high, nobody seemed to know. Too bad he's suing, it's probably too late and there are probably better ways for Alan to make money off of his past skateboarding accomplishments.
Dec 9, 2005 in Absurdity | Comment
The eagle has landed--on an Amtrak train
"A northbound Amtrak train had struck a bald eagle, and though the bird apparently had survived, it remained pinned to the front of the locomotive." An eagle's wild ride! And what's the chance that you hit America's symbol?
Nov 28, 2005 in Absurdity | Comment
Nasal Spray Arouses Women's Desire To Have Sex In Minutes
Nov 23, 2005 in Absurdity | Comment
'Ugly dog' Sam dies at 14
"Lockheed said she was initially terrified of Sam when she agreed to take him in as a rescue six years ago on a 48-hour trial basis. Although she fell in love with him, his appearance repulsed her then-boyfriend and prompted the man to break up with her."
Nov 22, 2005 in Absurdity | Comment
This is me, lately
Nov 15, 2005 in Absurdity | Comment
Happy 35th Anniversary of the Exploding Whale!
"The sun was shining and there was a gentle breeze on the beach south of the Siuslaw River Thursday as State Highway Division workers placed twenty 50-pound cases of explosives under the 45-foot [dead] whale which washed up on the beach Monday."
Nov 13, 2005 in Absurdity | Comment
Where Babies Come From in Germany
The picture book!
Nov 9, 2005 in Absurdity | Comment
Arkansas Man Kills Deer With Bare Hands in Bedroom
"For 40 exhausting minutes, Wayne Goldsberry battled a buck with his bare hands in his daughter's bedroom." Please note that the man involved has that special name, Wayne; the event takes place in Bentonville, AK, the home of Wal-Mart; and that the deer was not, in fact, attacking anyone.
Nov 6, 2005 in Absurdity | Comment
Bizarre NASA Robot Penis Video, With Ballerina
Yes, this is really made by NASA. Apparently it's an unfortunate-looking robot that's designed to keep away from humans, doing a little dance with a ballerina to show how responsive it is.
Oct 29, 2005 in Absurdity | Comment
Perhaps the Most Inappropriate Site in the World
Everything about this site is either in poor taste, in poor English, or incomprehensible. The Association of International Glaucoma societies should be about something other than the incredible music that will come out of your speakers when you visit this site.
Oct 21, 2005 in Absurdity | Comment
Scouting for "camel toads" at pool
Paranoid parents + things inaccurately overheard = quite the challenge for an advice columnist.
Oct 12, 2005 in Absurdity | Comment
Ashton Kutcher Punk'd!
Oct 11, 2005 in Absurdity | Comment
Now That's What you Call "Hat Head"
Oct 9, 2005 in Absurdity | Comment
The Worst Halloween Costumes of All Time
In case you need an idea for this year...
Oct 9, 2005 in Absurdity | Comment
Al Qaeda recruits techies for website
For the dot-commer who needs a job, bad, still?
Oct 6, 2005 in Absurdity | Comment
Swedish hunter knocked unconscious by Canada goose after his son shot it dead
"A Swedish hunter spent two days in bed after being knocked unconscious by a Canada goose that landed on his head moments after his son shot it dead."
Oct 5, 2005 in Absurdity | Comment
Potter fan copies out whole book
"A Harry Potter fan has spent her summer holidays writing out the latest book because she couldn't afford to buy it. Sandra Luchian, 15, from Moldova, borrowed a copy of Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince from a friend and wrote down the story word for word."
Sep 27, 2005 in Absurdity | Comment
South Korean Army Plans Six-Legged Robots to Patrol DMZ
Sep 23, 2005 in Absurdity | Comment
Arr, matey! It be Talk Like A Pirate Day!
Sep 19, 2005 in Absurdity | Comment
Helvetica vs. Arial
If you too find Arial to be a deeply hideous font, you may enjoy this opportunity to kick the stuffing out of it using the font from which it was copied, Helvetica (yes, I know it was also copied from Univers, but Helvetica flies better in the fighting arena).
Sep 16, 2005 in Absurdity | Comment
Not A Word
"So when word leaked out that the recently published second edition of the New Oxford American Dictionary contains a made-up word that starts with the letter “e,” an independent investigator set himself the task of sifting through NOAD’s thirty-one hundred and twenty-eight “e” entries in search of the phony."
Qveere Eye for thye Mediaeval Man
"Earliest known evidence of a reality series found in medieval vault in eastern Great Britain... The series of panels depicts a roving band of do-gooders and samaritans who use their talents to make life better for various peasants and serfs in the area. The best-preserved panels depict a young peasant named William who is 'made over' by the 'Fabulus V' in an effort to 'bedde his lovli maide Henrietta.'"
pervert081805
A good use of a camera phone! Catch the alleged pervert allegedly masturbating in front of you on the NY Subway.
Jennifer Connelly Shops Online During Sex
Well, here's an idea for everyone to become more productive!
Britney?!
Well, now we know what her and Kevin do for fun...
Phelps' Group Protests At Soldier's Funeral
The anti-gay leader is now protesting the funerals of soliders who die in Iraq, saying that these soldiers are going to hell because they fought for a country that doesn't execute gays. Huh?
My Date With Drew
This guy has been in love with Drew since he was two so he made a movie about trying to get a date with her. It's moments like this that I feel like an idiot -- I've been in love with Drew since I was five, I'm actually connected to her by less than six degrees, I've got way better hair than this guy. Oh well, yet another golden opportunity thrown away.
Transsexual Shaving Cream
Why I shave with electrics... (and a cautionary tale about the ability of packaging alone to create a price premium)
Turkish shepherds stunned after flock of 1,500 sheep leaps off cliff
Burgers from a lab?
"Laboratories using new tissue engineering technology might be able to produce meat that is healthier for consumers and cut down on pollution produced by factory farming, researchers said on Wednesday."
Physics in Action
An $8,000 Collection From Amazon.com Conjures Memories of the Dot-Com Boom
"Psst! Hey buddy! Wanna buy 828 feet worth of books?" The Penguin Classics Library Complete Collection is obviously an instant classic -- and a bargqin at $6,658.87 + $1,331.12 sourcing fee, with free shipping. Contains four editions of the Iliad and, unfortunately, Saul Bellow as well -- while missing Fitzgerald and Ulysses.
How much did Judas really earn?
What's on TV? Oh, the usual sci-fi fantasy, read by women in bed.
"The two bedded women [of Fantasy Bedtime Hour] aren't really nude, just artfully posing under the sheets; and they're not holding a titillating tete-a- tete, but a confounding discussion of a 28-year-old paperback novel called Lord Foul's Bane. Their girl-on-girl action is limited to pondering the meaning of words like "dotard" and "inchoate," and the program's live-action sequences involve developmentally disabled horses and 7-foot monsters made out of old pantyhose."
All Your Base Are Five Years Old!
Remarkably, it's the five-year anniversary of the wonderfully absurd All Your Base Are Belong To Us. Enjoy it again!
Driver scooped up by police
Lesson: you're more likely to be a successful ice cream truck driver if you're not drunk and a convicted sex offender.
Watch the 49ers Embarassing Media Training Video
The San Francisco 49ers got in trouble for a politically incorrect media training video. Now you can see it! (Warning: somewhat inoffensive for such a big scandal; also, remarkably poorly-executed.)
Spamusement
"Poorly-drawn cartoons inspired by actual spam subject lines!"
AP Student, Varsity Athlete Denied Graduation Over PE Class
"'Why would I drop an AP biology class to take P.E.?' Gottlieb said. 'It's just not on my priority list.'"
How to make a toga
Frighteningly, I need to know this information!
Back Masking
Songs played backwards. Most are amusing; "Stairway to Heaven" is just freaky (and probably faked).
Exploding toads in a Hamburg pond baffle scientists
"More than 1,000 toads have puffed up and exploded in a Hamburg pond in recent weeks, and German scientists still have no explanation for what's causing the combustion, an official said Wednesday." I would travel to see this.
FOR SALE/BARTER: My body in Persistent Vegetative State...
Now that's a Living Will!
HumanForSale
I'm worth $2,046,410!
Hit the Penguin!
Penguin + Yeti = Baseball?
Area Man Enters 12th Year of College
Not an Onion article, it's real! "'I could have - should have - graduated many years ago, but I keep passing on the real world's invitation,' said Lechner, 28, who is in his 11th year as a student in the University of Wisconsin System, the last 10 at UW-Whitewater. He's taken a full course load every semester except the current one, in which he's taking seven credits."
The Greatest Job in Business
"There are no magazines about vice chairmen and no suck-up profiles in Fortune about them. They don't write advice books, because no one cares what they have to say. No one even cares if they show up in the office. In short—except for one slight drawback—they have the greatest job in business. You will not be surprised to learn that many of them are excellent golfers."
A Demonstration of the Futility of Using Microsoft Word’s Spelling and Grammar Check
"My conclusion is that the “Spelling and Grammar Check” feature on Microsoft Word is extraordinarily bad (especially the Grammar check part). It is so bad that I am surprised that it is even being offered and I question the ethics of including a feature that is this bad on a product that is so widely used."
How a Slate scientist changed the NBA forever—or at least a week.
How to use the end-zone fans to actually distract free-throw shooters! Maybe.
Microsoft's army of lawyers was no match for a kid from Kent State.
"David Zamos doesn't look as if he could single-handedly humiliate the world's largest software maker... The only thing setting him apart from the other late-night crammers is that his notebook isn't filled with study guides. It's overflowing with documents from the federal lawsuit Microsoft brought against him on December 21."
2005 Manure Madness
"The 32 largest corporations in America (as determined by their 2004 Fortune 500 revenue ranking) who have issued 2005 annual reports were automatically entered into the tournament (and seeded by size). The shareholder letters from each company will go head to head in five rounds of intense competition, with the winner (well, sort of) crowned as the Shining Beacon of Business Idiocy on April 4."
Louisiana family discovers car's quirk is due to cocaine, not octane
"A reliable family car suddenly developed a tendency to decelerate, leading to the discovery that it had been driven for years with $40,000 US worth of cocaine stashed in the gas tank."
Whopper Of A Breakfast
"What you'd get in Burger King's new Enormous Omlet Sandwich." Including 47 grams of fat. Yes, 47.
Lies Movie Posters Told Me
How those critics' pans ended up as endorsements on those posters.
Chef Tattoos
Featuring Alice Waters and "Duck Fat" in the style of the classic "Mother"!
"I Once Heard That Oysters Die Happy"
"[A]pparently, scientists found out that if living oysters are drenched in lemon juice (as is apparently common practice when eating them), they produce a hormone that puts them into a state of ecstasy."
Animals Gone Wild!
Are you more freaked out by the creepy walking octopuses or the head-eating deer?
Mmmm, Pork Wedding Cake!
"A West Yorkshire couple ignored years of marriage tradition on their wedding day by opting for a three-tier pork pie instead of a cake...Groom Stuart Booth, 45, is a keen aficionado of the traditional pie who has been known to don a special pork pie man suit to promote the cause."
New Technology Uses Human Body for Broadband Networking
"As human beings are ineffective aerials, it is very hard to pick up stray electronic signals radiating from the body, he says. 'This is good for security because even if you encrypt data it is still possible that it could be decoded, but if you can't pick it up it can't be cracked.'"
North Carolina Wants To Ban Solitare On Gov't Computers
Because if you remove a potential time-waster then, obviously, people will stop wasting time!
Steak And BJ Day
"You know the drill... Every Valentines day you rack your brains for that one special, unique gift that will show your wife or girlfriend that you really do care for them more than any other... That's right, there's no special holiday for the ladies to show their appreciation for the men in their life."
Why Britney Spears Hates HDTV
"There is no escaping the naked lens of High-Definition TV. The picture is so clear that aging signs and skin imperfections are clearly visible. Below is our "Top 10" list of which celebrities look better -- and worse -- in high-def."
Gay Birds Ruin Zoo Mating Plans
Golf is Special
So is this photo.
PopStrology: What's Your Sign?
I was born in the year of Elton John: "Elton John was not the only one-of-a-kind star from that constellation of incomparables to work his magic in the pop universe of 1975, for under his benevolent and nonjudgmental rule two more icons of individuality emerged: the unstoppable John Denver and the inexplicable Barry Manilow." My Birthsong is Captain and Tennille's Love Will Keep Us Together.
The King of Thrones
"For most people, toilets are a private perch, a place for quiet contemplation. But not for plumbing researchers. Their job demands that they dream of toilets that never were and ask, 'Why not?'"
The Good Eats Drinking Game
Since I TiVo Good Eats and watch 2-3 shows at once, this would be a recipe for disaster.
World Jump Day
If 600 million people jump at once, it will shift the orbit of the Earth and we'll be further away from the Sun, so it will be colder and Global Warming will be OK. Or something.
Lawyer Tries To Name Fleet Center After Jeter
Boston's Fleet Center Arena has a policy that you can buy naming rights there for a day. A lawyer is trying to buy rights to name it after Yankee shortstop Derek Jeter.
"Survivor" Casts Models
"One of the first two people to leave Survivor Palau has revealed that more than one-third of the castaways are actually professional models who are appearing on the show after being cast through their agencies."
Now Order Pizza Direct From Everquest!
"While playing EverQuest II just type /pizza and a web browser will launch the online ordering section of pizzahut.com. Fill in your info and just kick back until fresh pizza is delivered straight to your door."
Mary Kay Letorneau and Vili Fualaau's Wedding Registry
You may recall Mary Kay as the teacher who bore her 13-year-old student's child; Vili is said student. They're getting hitched at last!
The Weakness in a Security System
Unfortunately, it's not always so obvious.
Penalties of Stealing a DVD vs. Downloading a DVD
Unsurprisingly, downloading is punished much more strongly than is traditional theft.
Practice Your Dating Skillz With K-Y Jelly!
Endorsing cool Web sites = good. Taking it too far = bad. Ewwww.
"Do not shoot nails through any part of your body."
Because all warning labels should be like this!
World's Smallest Pac-Man
Remember to Close Your IM When Presenting!
Look At Other Peoples' Security Cameras Online
Apparently, thanks to Google, we can watch hundreds of unsecured video cameras worldwide!
The Atlasphere
Networking and dating for objectivists. Don't know if I'm intrigued or scared!
Child's Play
"Would today's tykes tolerate the classic games you grew up with?" Also check out Episode II
Halo Bank Marketing
It's important to use targeted marketing to reach your desired demographic. This bank apparently has a very narrow target market but I bet this Halo 2 sign will work well!
The Worst Jobs in Science: The Sequel
Including: anal wart researcher; tampon squeezer.
Sushi Restaurant Decides Not To Run "Dick Joke" Ad
An actual satirical ad slated to run in the print edition of The Onion.
Vatican Hotties Calendar
It informs people about the Vatican (hopefully with better English than we see on the Web site), and is filled with hot priests! The perfect Xmas gift for all the single girls out there.
Zagat: Unfit For Print
The reviewer comments that couldn't be included in the print edition.
She Woke Up Pregnant
From the Really Seen on Lifetime TV file. The TV Guide summary was something like "Woman wakes up with unexplained pregnancy; her family is torn apart as she tries to explain it."
My Big Fat Obnoxious Boss
Fox will launch an Apprentice parody, complete with a Smithers-like assistant, a catchy firing tagline ("Get the hell out of my office!"), and killer tasks like begging for change.
Save The Cute Bunny!
Raise a million euros, or he eats the cute bunny!
Pick Your Fantasy Football Team With Solver
Instructions on how to pick your fantasy football team, from Microsoft. Official football team! Including official suggestion: take Paul Edinger?!
Julia Louis-Dreyfus vs. Paris Hilton
Elaine from Seinfeld is heiress to a multibillion-dollar fortune! Whoda thunk it? Here's how these two famous celebs stack up against each other.
Sexy Candy
New wrappers on fruit-flavored candy in England show fruit having sex, going down.
Hey! You! Watch Where You Put Your Quicken Files!
Watch Suckers Quit Smoking
"Pax TV network will premiere its new reality show, Cold Turkey, on Sunday, Oct. 3 at 10 p.m. The series takes 10 unsuspecting chain smokers who were brought to the show under variety of pretenses, only to discover that the real task will be to quit smoking cold turkey."
Watch What's In your Picture When You're Selling Your Home
Dell And Gateway Use Same Model In Ad Campaign
The Development Of Star Wars As Seen Through The Scripts
Apparently, Star Wars went through a number of distinct versions before it became the movie we know and love. This is waaaay too much information about them all.
That's No Space Station
WARNING!!!
(from the Best of Craigslist)
Rock Paper Saddam
Farrell's Manhood Cut
"According to British tabloid The Sun Farrell's appendage caused 'a stir' at test screenings.
'The women were over-excited and the men looked really uncomfortable,' the newspaper reported."
The Killer Rabbit
Actual pictures of the assassin rabbit sent to take care of our greatest President, Jimmy Carter.
Talk In Light
In case phone, e-mail and SMS aren't enough for you, now you can communicate by waving your phone back and forth, making light shows in the night sky.
Is it possible to live on Guiness and milk alone?
The real truth! (From The Last Word, which is almost as good as The Straight Dope
Pets Or Food
Mmmm koala
Patriot Act Suppresses News Of Challenge To Patriot Act
Paging Mr. Orwell...
"I Got Chris Rock's Old Phone Number"
LAURA: [Curious, and ready to tackle the unknown] Hello?
CALLER: Is Chris there?
LAURA: [Inquires politely] Who's calling?
CALLER: It's Spike.
LAURA: [Mischievously inquisitive] From...?
CALLER: [Blurts out, in an annoyed tone] It's Spike Lee.
Seaman Ship
An absurd ad for the (apparently dancing) Japanese Maritime Self-Defense Force.
The Longest Line
Apparently the Apple store is popular in Tokyo...
What to watch out for in the car next to you on the freeway
New! Executive Laptop Steering Wheel Mount
$49.95
Leia 419 Scam
An oldie but goodie!
US man has IT company logo tattooed on head
"To date the "human billboard" has attracted 500 new customers, a coup described as "a tremendous success" by CI Host CEO Christopher Faulkner."
What is the airspeed velocity of an unladen swallow?
Blue! No, red! Aaaah!
Andrew Andrew
"A unique and highly diversified company. Andrew Andrew works within established systems to create positive change and awareness."
Including iPod DJing and cozies for your iMac, New Beetle and modern buildings.
What Web Servers Are Presidential Candidates Using?
I'm not surprised that W is running IIS on Win2K, but I am surprised that Al Sharpton is running Apache on Solaris 8, since Solaris is so expensive (but reliable!).
The Hacker's Diet
Or, how to lose weight and hair through stress and poor nutrition. A story about how to lose weight, scientifically, without exercising or eating right.
RentAVillage
Rent a European village, in Germany, Austria or Switzerland, for your next conference or event!
Way Too Personals
"Real personals ads. For amusement only."
Hall Of Technical Documentation Weirdness
"On this page, I list wacky, bizarre, surreal and otherwise strange examples of technical documentation, particularly illustration. "
¿Que Pasa U.S.A?
Found this gem on Galavision and will be checking it out for future episodes illustrating stereotypes both of Latinos and of '70s sitcoms.
Man Ships Self In Cargo Crate
"He somehow got himself inside a cargo crate that was loaded onto a Boeing 727 at John F. Kennedy International Airport."
Lost In Translation
"Here’s what those cool-looking Japanese tattoos really say"
Neil
"Wade Armstrong is in lust with a colleague in his office. The trouble is not that the object of desire is a guy but that blonde, blue-eyed Neil Rogers is straight. Or is he? Neil's wife is on the way out and he seems to prefer to spend time with Wade. So could Neil be just as mad about Wade?"
Brand-New Heartache: Intimate Moments No 1117
"Wade Armstrong spends thirteen years proving himself to the small town of Big Falls, Oklahoma. He won't be happy until he's the most successful businessman in town, and owns the biggest house on the highest hill so he can look down on them all. Too bad Wade procrastinated too long before signing the contract for the house of his dreams."
Download NaDa
"NaDa™ is a new concept. A thought, really. It is very light : 1 byte. It doesn't take long to fetch. It doesn't take long to understand. It doesn't disturb your habits nor does it makes you feel insecure. It is a reassuring piece of software that does nothing, and does it very well. That's a lot!"
Zelwegger Paid To Put On Weight For Bridget Jones
"[F]ilm producers have guaranteed her $US225,000... for every kilo [2.2 lbs] she manages to put on."
What Is Wolfbagging?
I swear I wasn't looking for this when I found it. And now I don't know why I'm compelled to link it.
"Steve Marshall vividly remembers the night he was terrorized by a toilet. "
What Cicadas Sound Like
All About The F Word
Hunting For Bambi
Yes I'm disturbed.
"I'm fscked. I swallowed the number 7"
How Crooked Are You?
I'm crooked enough for 41 years in prison and a £5000 fine. I'm a baaaad boy!