Juniorbird.com

I should’ve known when I missed the first turn to the “Marshall Alumni Holiday Reception”:https://mymarshall.usc.edu/mems/user/registerEvent.jsp?activity=getEventById&eventId=1053 and my next four chances to turn around were blocked off by LAPD auto and bike officers that things did not look good. But I drove around the northern half of Downtown and finally managed to get headed in the right direction to park and head into the event.
In retrospect, it would’ve been better to head home and get the AIG the “Red Mango”:http://www.redmangousa.com/ she wanted. But, like any proper MBA, the allure of networking was irresistible. So I dragged the AIG in, promising her a cocktail of her choice.
I had actually gone to this thing last year. And it was great! There were 3-400 Marshall alums, of varying ages, at the “Jonathan Club”:http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Jonathan_Club, enjoying passed hot hors d’oeuvres, a cash bar,[1] and great networking options. This year: not so much.
It wasn’t the venue, which was “beautiful”:http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Los_Angeles_Athletic_Club. It might’ve been the crowd, which was small — under 100 when I got there, which was about 8pm in an event lasting from 6 to 10 (even worse, when I got there, virtually everyone was paired off having a conversation, and the pair is the most stable and closed group out there). It might’ve been the cold appetizers they offered, which were tuna sandwiches. It might’ve even been the lack of vermouth at the cash bar.[2]
But most likely it was the band. Most of us — me, that is, and you, my loyal readers — would not choose to book a band for a networking event in which everyone wants to, you know, talk. One of the dim bulbs that seem to populate this year’s Alumni Association[3] had booked a four-piece rock-and-roll-type band to perform some hot uptempo songs. You know like the always hip “4 Non Blondes”:http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mXcQGsoDkDk[4]. Then it got better: some “Brandi Carlile”:http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xq-ZmAYLeB8[5]. Something we think might’ve been “Grant Lee Buffalo”:http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ILpq6LDrUWQ. Because what you need at a networking event is depressing music. And it was a good 10 of these in a row — at one point I was practically expecting the band to treat us to some “Low”:http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zmo7tyrtGW0.
Not only did this band bring us down, but they were a force of nature. The lead singer’s power and range — and at least she had some excuse to try to sing some Brandi Carlile — steadily forced the crowd out of the main ballroom and into the cramped, pillar-filled anteroom.[6] The masses apparently were prepared to trade elbow room for the ability to carry out a conversation at some level below a yell.[7]
Anyway, we finally abandoned the networking event. For her trouble, the AIG got “Gaby’s”:http://www.gabysmediterranean.com/def/main.aspx for dinner on the way home, and she also got to tease me about how the program she got her Master’s from at USC — and it’s not a whole school, like Marshall, it’s just a program — had a much better party earlier this year. So much better. I guess we should outsource!
fn1. There was a cash bar this year too — they must know something about how Trojans drink
fn2. I have no idea how the bartender managed to make the AIG such a delicious dirty martini, except perhaps by making it surpassingly diry.
fn3. I would not be so judgemental, except that three nice ladies who clearly had some role in planning and running the event were sitting exceedingly listlessly at the check-in table, encouraging no banter, small talk, energy, or even promptness in check-in. They didn’t even try to upsell us on the USC-UCLA game tickets they were silent auctioning off, which might’ve been a mistake since they’d left the sign-up sheet out and I could see they only had one bid, which was not only low but rather less silent than I might’ve expected.
fn4. The fact that this video was made non-ironically makes it truly, truly priceless.
fn5. Could’ve used “something more upbeat”:http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-3riAMRswyM maybe?
fn6. Running out of tuna sandwiches may have had something to do with this too, depending on your opinion of fish and onion at networking events.
fn7. Although, I will give the band credit, their volume level did give me the excuse to leave the ballroom when I found myself talking to someone who smelled like the weight room at a gym. The entire weight room. In use.

So, not only did I get an MBA, but I had my identity stolen from two schools (USC and UCLA), and now am apparently peripherally involved in an IRS at a school to which I didn’t even go. To wit:
bq. The UCLA campus is currently undergoing a payroll audit being conducted by the Internal Revenue Service. As part of the audit, the IRS has provided UCLA with a summons requesting computer accessible records for all payroll, accounts payable, student accounting, and other financial transactions processed by the campus in 2004. The purpose of the audit is to confirm that UCLA properly reported and withheld tax in connection with taxable payments it made in 2004.
Super. Please, investigate using my personal information. I’m excited about it. However, don’t disabuse me of my illusions; go ahead and let some investigators steal my identity and use it for their purposes. That’s what precedent says will happen, so let’s not draw it out, let’s just get on with it.

So did I mention that I graduated on Friday? I’m officially an MBA. I think the description for what I’m feeling now is “bittersweet, elated terror.” I definitely feel as if I’ve accomplished something incredible, but, gosh, the pressure to now accomplish something even more incredible is that much greater.
Marshall really was incredible. My brain is chock-full of new and useful concepts and ways of thinking — I can rattle on about “NPV”:http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/NPV, scenario development, backup behaviors, “target costing”:http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Target_costing, “cramdown”:http://vcexperts.com/vce/library/encyclopedia/glossary_view.asp?glossary_id=124, the “five forces”:http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Five_forces, and so on in myriad topics that will all bore you into a deep slumber. If you’re unlucky, you might get me talking about risk mitigation in real estate investment, or what exactly is wrong with that ad we just saw, or about the astronomical “beta”:http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Beta_coefficient of the condo market, or even — and this is embarassing to admit — why “Webvan’s astronomical burn rate”:http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Webvan may not have been such a bad idea after all. I’ve got a ridiculously “long list of projects”:http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Webvan that could make me millions, or something. It’s really difficult to overestimate how much my thinking has changed in the last two years (hopefully this change is for the better!).
I had an incredible time; it really was two years of summer camp. Well, summer camp getting my ass kicked stylee. I will miss the vast majority of the people I’ve met and worked with at school, and even miss complaining about the small majority I’ll be glad to be done with. Most of all I’ll miss being in an environment of ideas scattered willy-nilly all over the place; I could always count on sitting down for lunch and running into at least one non-disastrous business idea a week. Bet I won’t get that hanging out at Starbuck’s!
While there are big plans on deck for me, I’ve got a regular old summer vacation ahead. That means regular old things like figuring out how to have lunch now that I won’t be sitting at “Popovich Cafe”:http://www.usc.edu/about/visit/upc/places_to_eat/index.html, like learning how to live without my fancy-shmancy school Exchange e-mail system, and like actually having to figure out what to do tonight and tomorrow night and this weekend ad infinitum, because there’s no more homework and deadlines telling me what to do. Do you realize I got two e-mails from people today? Two? I must have been completely forgotten by the world, because who gets just two e-mails?
I’ll tell you the answer to that: regular old people on vacation. I’ve got no fires to put out, except for that darned health insurance that expires in a week. And it’s funny, this time last year I was prepared to tell real live “Tyco”:http://tyco.com/ execs that they should divest a lot of their companies, but I’m vacillating on the health insurance purchase. Do I want the high-deductible insurance that, if something awful happens, will pay for almost all of it? Or should I get the moderate-deductible insurance that gives me a small co-pay for preventative care but can hoover my wallet for $7500 if I get Bird Flu or something. Ah, the dilemmas of adulthood.
For now it’s adulthood vs. the powerful alliance of sleeping in and Tivo. It’s been two years, and frankly I want to have the time to watch stupid things that add to my life in no substantive way whatsoever. Two years is a lot of missed episodes of Cops, a lot of “no time to go out this weekend”, and a lot of five- and six-hours-of-sleep nights. I slept until 9:30 this morning, and I woke up with no fires in my inbox or on my to-do list. And I bet tomorrow will be just the same. Whatever will I do then?
!/images/graduation/smilin.jpg!
!/images/graduation/shakehands.jpg!

I turned in my last paper at about 12:30 pm today; I think that means I’m done. I’m completely in shock, I don’t believe that I really won’t be going in to class in just a few days, or working on a group project, or booking another study room. I still expect that I’ll be having the Cobb salad, served every Tuesday at Popovich cafe, for lunch tomorrow, and the taco salad the day after. I mean, this can’t be it, can it? What will I do with 80-100 more hours every week? Um, yay?
Hee, I’m going on vacation!

Yesterday was my official last day of class at Marshall. Barring an incredible reversal of fortune on the two papers and one final left, I’ll officially have my MBA in just two weeks! It’s an exciting thought, and I’m thrilled about what is in my future. But, ya know what, I’m kinda sad too.
When I was in junior high, I went to summer camp at this program called “CTY”:http://www.jhu.edu/cty/. CTY was, basically, nerd camp — a place where us inappropriately smart kids could gather for a few weeks every summer, take classes (during summer!), hang out with people who had the same social proclivities as ourselves, and generally have a grand old time. There was too much Ultimate Frisbee, too much pizza (way too much), co-ed sports, endless Risk games, and even the famous (and feared) Meat Market. It was weeks of heaven. And then I’d go home and I’d sleep for 20 hours straight, because who would do anything but stay up ’til all hours in an environment like that. And I’d cry, too, because I wouldn’t be this happy again for another year.
Now, this is not one of those blogs that’s about how much I cried when I was a teenager, and I’m not claiming that I’m sitting here crying right now, either (again, not that kind of a blog), but it feels like those old days today. I’ve spent the last two years around people who are excessively smart, discussing incredible ideas, feeding my brain at every minute, and having fun besides. Sure, it’s not like I’m going to go back to burly lacrosse players who didn’t think much of me or teachers who think I’m too stupid to grok calculus, but I do predict a good dose of culture shock.
Plus, what the hell will I do with all this new free time? I’ll miss the routine, I’ll miss the firehose of information, I’ll miss the highly-targeted 15-minute deep discussions that were all we could spare between work, I’ll miss free beer on Thursdays, I’ll miss rock-paper-scissors tournaments, dammit, I’m ready to go back already.
Think I might be the one to renew? Maybe I’m lucky there’s no Carousel; I am about to turn 31.

I spent the last two days thinking that if I just worked reeeally hard this semester, I could manange to graduate with some kind of honors or something. Now, this will shock those of you who know me, but I had actually made a _mathematical error_ when computing my GPA and had myself at a 3.56, rather than the actual 3.48 GPA that I earned with all of my hard work etc. etc.
So now that I discovered what button to push to get my actual GPA, I know that it would be really hard to get to that 3.6 honors level — specifically, I’d need straight As, whereas I can work and get three As, an A-, and a B+, and if I work really really hard and am super lucky, I might make that B+ an A-.
So that got me thinking about all of the grades I’ve managed to get here in b-school that would make my parents so, so disappointed, if they only had to sign my report card. I could easily make honors this semester if I’d simply pushed up some of my particularly weak grades. These include:
* Accounting – B. Accounting was one of the first classes I took at Marshall and I hadn’t really figured out business school. A lot of people have trouble with Accounting, and it’s a very difficult class for people to start things out with, but I’ll allow that there’s no way for them to realistically push it into the second term; Accounting is just too fundamental. Had I simply asked my friends for help, spent time with the professor, and tried to figure out where I was confused, rather than getting heads-down into my textbook and just working harder, I could have gotten a B+, which is average for the program.
* Management Accounting – B. Management Accounting and Accounting are actually different things, while Accounting is a record-keeping tool, Management Accounting is about figuring out, or planning, how much it costs to make what you make or do what you do, and aligning that with corporate objectives. If I hadn’t failed to hand in half of one of our problem sets (hey, I’m not a detail guy) then that would’ve helped our team grade and I would’ve gotten at least a B+
* Managerial Economics – B+. Here’s one of two exceptions, a class with a B+. It’s hard to judge myself for having gotten a nice average grade, but the fact is that, by the end of the class, I really got it. I was answering questions in class like they were nothing and I could easily have gotten there by the midterm, not just in time for the final. Plus, my “reading notes”:http://cleverbird.com/wiki/AcademicResources/Finance were of some small reknown.
* Operations Management – B. OK, I’ll confess that I didn’t like this class at all, didn’t do the reading, and didn’t work hard. Now I remember virtually nothing about supply chains, but I do remember that if I’d given one sweet bippy at all, I could’ve gotten a B+ in this class. “The Goal”:http://amazon.com/o/ASIN/0884271781/wadearmstrong-20/ref=nosim/ my ass!
* Marketing Management – B+. I actually, according to the prof, got an A- in this class; it was just accidentally entered as a B+. I tried twice to get that fixed but I guess it wasn’t anybody’s priority but mine.
So it’s not unrealistic to think that I could have increased each of those grades by one level — and, frankly, with the exception of Operations Management, at which I completely slacked off, I wouldn’t have had to expend much more effort to get there. If I had pulled that grade boost off, I’d easily make honors with 3 As, an A-, and a B+. Sadly, I’ll instead be relegated to graduating with the general proletariat.

This morning I got up early and fought my way through LA Freeway accident traffic and several packed-full parking lots to sit in front of over 100 prospective members of the class of 2008 (n.b. grammarians — “over” = “more than” dates back over/more than 400 years) and talk about my business school experiences. Apparently someone was deluded enough to think that I’d say good, positive things that would make these desirable admits come to school.
Well, apart from my statement that “everything’s curved to a B+ during your first year, so unless you’re exceptionally lazy or stupid you’ll end up fine” I think I did ok. And, well, that’s actually true so I can’t be accused of lying. I guess I was worried that the first-years this year seem to be exceptionally worried about working hard and getting good grades, while they really should be taking advantage of all of the opportunities that Marshall has to offer. Given the good questions of this morning’s group, I have a feeling that the class of ’08 will both contribute a tremendous amount to the community and take a great deal away from their Marshall experience.
But it made me think about all that I’ve really taken away from Marshall. Pardon me for a moment while I’m a bit sappy, but I’m starting to realize how much I’ve changed — and how much my hopes and dreams have changed — from three years ago, when I decided to leave Runstrong and then, later, to go to b-school; and also to realize how much things will change in the next few years, as I put what I’ve learned into action in an entrepreneurial venture, and in the years beyond that, as I take what is in many ways a new me into a new life and a new set of aspirations.
The neurons are just starting to turn over on all this, so I’m sure you’ll see me blog a lot more on this topic in the next few weeks. But at the moment I feel much like — well, I was going to say that moment when you break out of the Grapevine, headed north, and see nothing but open ground in front of you, but I’m really not talking about scorched earth, so what I really mean is something more like when you get out past Frederick on 70 headed West and there’s just the trees and the Appalachians around you and the world is green and bright and you’re headed for West Virginia and…
Wait, screw it, I clearly don’t have a good road trip metaphor. But I do feel I’m hurtling ahead, faster every day, towards an exciting new place; also the trip there will be exciting and worth it in itself. So long as I didn’t run over too many first-years telling them not to worry about class and to participate in clubs and activities and go to special speeches and things like that.
Teams. I should’ve told them something about how good the teams are at Marshall too. Can I have a do-over?

“!http://wadearmstrong.com/images/petecarroll.jpg!”:http://wadearmstrong.com/archives/business/leadership_tips_from_usc_football_coach_pete_carroll.php

I’m designing slides for this upcoming “C4C”:http://www.marshall.usc.edu/clubs/C4C.cfm?doc_id=6908 event, the ’80s Prom. Yes, that’s right, I’m finally on the prom committee. I do not, however, have a date. Figures!
Anyway, so I’m researching a lot of ’80s design to make ’80s-style powerpoints to go with the charity auction. And boy is a lot of that ’80s design awful! It hurts me to make it happen. I am channeling the dark visuals of Reagan and Don Johnson and Tom Cruise.

As some of y’all know, I’m a board member of “Challenge for Charity”:http://www.marshall.usc.edu/clubs/C4C.cfm?doc_id=3705, a non-profit run by West Coast business schools that raises money for the Special Olympics. C4C is a big deal at Marshall, and we get great support from students and alums. Just recently, alums with a “hot newfashion accessory bag company”:http://www.kolobags.com/index.php have pleged to donate for each purchase we make. Check it out:
“!/images/kolobag.jpg!”:http://www.kolobags.com/index.php
So help Special Olympics, and help Marshall win the challenge, and get yourself something cool to boot!
Update: I’m sitting in a room with a bunch of donated bags from this company, and I can say that they look great. The finish quality is quite high and the details are attended-to.