« Posts under Sports

Fuck.

January 21, 2007 / posted in Sports, True Life Stories / 7 Comments

The Colts won the AFC Championship. They’re going to the Super Bowl.
The Colts are going to the Super Bowl.
This is fucking awful. Goddamn it.
I remember, when I was 7, watching TV one snowy night. Like most snowy nights, even in the city it was exceedingly dark. I don’t, however, remember it being quiet as were most snowstorms. I don’t remember what was on TV when the news broke in with the footage of the Colts leaving town. I didn’t get it; how could a football team leave town? They were the _Baltimore Colts_. This was the team I saw on TV and billboards and whose memorabilia was in my friends’ parents’ dens. Sports teams were supposed to be permanent.
But the Colts left. That was strange. That was confusing. Sure, it could have been worse — The O’s[1] were hot, with dominating pitchers like Jim Palmer and second-year player Cal Ripken, who was — get this — a _big shortstop who could hit for power_. Crazy.[2] And we loved our Orioles[3] more than we loved our Colts. This was not least because the Irsays, who owned the Colts then and now, instituted planned programs to destroy fan support for the team, such as charging players for autographs they gave fans; players, of course, signed fewer autographs. And, of course, the only remotely good QB the Irsays had managed to get on the team was Art Schlicter, who was himself a disaster.[4] The Colts were by no measure a well-run team.
Of course, Baltimore was by no measure a well-run city. By ’82, most of the White people had left town and moved 5-7 miles in order to live in the suburbs and not have to pay school taxes for Negroes. Crime was rampant. Bethlehem Steel downtown was shutting down. We were an abandoned, rusting industrial center, and everyone made sure we knew it. “You live in _the City_?” my friends would ask, credulous even though we went to a private school in the City together. It was like I lived in some ghetto.[5]
I was seven, and it didn’t make sense to me that people would disrespect my hometown. We had two “great”:http://www.thewalters.org/ “museums”:http://artbma.org/home.html/. We had one of the “first free public libraries in the country”:http://www.epfl.net/info/history/. We had a “top orchestra”:http://www.baltimoresymphony.org/, led by “one of the best conductors in the world”:http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Sergiu_Comissiona. We had “one of the country’s leading universities”:http://jhu.edu. What was possibly wrong with Baltimore?[6]
All of the parents I knew who stayed in the City loved the place, thought it was a good home. I know my parents did. But I could feel what the adults thought about the Colts’ departure — that it was some sort of statement that the doubters were right, that Baltimore was a dead city. Not good enough for a pro football team, that’s what we were.
We loved and missed our Colts. The Baltimore Colts marching band — a private association not run by the team — stayed together through my whole youth, performing at all sorts of events around the city. That kept the flame alive, and everyone I knew hated the dastardly Colts.[7] Later, when the Orioles became crappy and lost the first 21 games of the 1988 season, we were reminded how big a hole the Colts’ departure left and how much it appeared our city sucked.
During my senior year of High School, the NFL decided to add two more teams; the leading competitors to get a team were St. Louis, who had lost their Cardinals to Arizona, Baltimore, and Carolina, a football-mad part of the country with no team for hundreds of miles. It was generally agreed that Carolina would get one team, and that the other would go to St. Louis or Baltimore; all of us Baltimorons agreed that, while we hoped we won, St. Louis was also deserving and we could live with them getting a team. When the Rams moved to St. Louis, it looked like Charm City[8] could welcome its new franchise.
Imagine our shock then when Jacksonville — whose ownership group appeared to actually be broke — got a team. Again, the powers had spoken: Baltimore wasn’t a real city. We weren’t good enough.
Well, screw you, we said, we’ll just get a Canadian Football League team. And we did! They were called the Baltimore CFL Team[9], because there was only one appropriate name for them and they weren’t legally allowed to be called that. However, before each game, the announcer would welcome “your hometown Baltimore… Football Team,” with a big pause between “Baltimore” and “Football,” during which the whole stadium would yell “Colts.” The CFL Team’s owners even tried to buy the Colts name off the Irsays, but they wouldn’t sell even though Colts merchandise was, at the time, dead last in sales of all NFL teams. That was a serious fuck you.
The CFL team left when the NFL Browns moved to our city. Sort of an instance of two wrongs maybe sometimes make a right, I don’t think Baltimorons would’ve accepted the Ravens-né-Browns if Cleveland hadn’t been guaranteed a new franchise, also named the Browns, which kept all of the Browns’ old records, which was fine with us because we only wanted the Colts’ old records, which they wouldn’t let us do but which was also fine with us because all of the old Colts’ stars supported the Ravens and disowned the Indianapolis fucking Colts those heartless bastards.
Of course, the Lord giveth and the Lord taketh away, and in the 1996 ALCS MLB umpires decided Baltimore wasn’t good enough to make it to the World Series and so let that punk-ass kid Jeffrey Maier reach into the field of play and grab Derek Jeter’s easy out seconds before Tony Tarasco, who was standing there waiting for the ball, could get it. It should’ve been an out by interference but instead was a home run. Sure it was only the deciding play in Game 1 but the Orioles knew it was a statement that they, like all Baltimorons, just weren’t good enough in the eyes of the rest of the country so they folded like a tent in a windstorm. It was just another reminder.
At least the Ravens won a Super Bowl before the Colts did. And Bob Irsay died painfully and slowly, if I remember correctly. That was also an upside.[10] But last week I had to watch my Ravens lose to the Colts at home in the playoffs in one of the most-hyped games ever in the city. Our great white hope was Tom Brady and his New England Patriots; although an out-of-towner rooting for the Pats is only slightly better than an out-of-towner rooting for the Yankees, there was really only one way I could root in today’s late game.
And the Pats lost in the last two minutes. And the Colts are in the Super Bowl. If Evil Rex shows up for da Bears, that’s a sure Lombardi Trophy for the hated Colts. And, let’s face it, if the super-clutch Pats can’t beat the Colts, it’ll take a lot more than Good Rex to beat them in Miami.
Now I know why my mother, who’s from Brooklyn, never reads the sports pages. Sorry, Mom, for that one time I wore that Dodgers hat.[11] Someday, when I’m President, I’ll outlaw Indianapolis, raze it to the ground, and scatter salt over its lands. And Peyton Manning? I hope you step in front of a bus.
Fuck.
fn1. That’s not a typo, that’s how they write it. I’m not entirely against apostrophes in single-letter plurals, although I can’t say I think they’re right, either.
fn2. Seriously, back then pretty much every shortstop was like David Eckstein.
fn3. Pronounced “Aryuls”
fn4. Years before Eli Manning was drafted by, and thenrefused to play for, the Chargers, John Elway was drafted by, and then refused to play for, the Colts.
fn5. And I did, if ghettos are filled with retirees and the occasional college professor or young doctor, and have cherry trees whose pink blossoms coat the sidewalk after spring thunderstorms. Actually, the latter does occur in Baltimore ghettoes. And, in fairness, I did live close enough to the ghetto that you could run there carrying a TV. You’d run east if you were Black, and west if you were White.
fn6. And what kind of a little nerd must I have been to know all these things?
fn7. Except for Ben, whose family moved to Baltimore sometime while I was in high school. He once wore a Colts hat to school, and was told by several people that his fashion choice was “dangerous.”
fn8. My hometown’s nickname, somewhat contradicted by the common saying that Baltimore “has all the charm of the North and all the efficiency of the South.”
fn9. Really!
fn10. I’m comfortable with going to hell for that thought. I’ll see ol’ Bob there.
fn11. It was cap night, and it was free, and I didn’t have any other baseball caps. I’d throw it away now except I have an unnatural attachment to objects and a consequent unwillingness to throw away something which did nothing to deserve such a fate.















De-Feat! De-Feat!

December 2, 2006 / posted in Sports / 1 Comment

So my Trojans just lost to our cross-town rival UCLA Bruins. And, you know what, I’m okay with that. Sure, call me a bad “homer”:http://www.urbandictionary.com/define.php?term=homer&r=f[1], but sometimes there’s such a thing as a good loss.
See, here’s the thing. I like to see my teams win.[2] And the Trojans are in a rebuilding year this year. We lost our quarterback and our running back to graduation[3], and when you’re short two Heisman Trophy winners it’s hard to be as good as you were the year before[4]. And the #1-ranked Ohio State University[5] is awfully good this year. Our defense is good, as shown by the first-half safety we scored, but are we up to stopping the Buckeyes? The Trojans’ uneven offense can’t consistently put points on the board, and that would make any trip to the national champioinship a likely futile one.
Better is to go to the Rose Bowl — we won the Pac-10 — and play a great match-up against probably either Michigan or LSU, either of which games is eminently winnable. Then we’ll have a nice notch in our belt, look good for recruiting, and come into next year on a high note.
And next year will be great. John David Booty[6] will only get better, the freshman backfield of Emanuel Moody and C.J. Gable will get better, we’re not losing major defensive players, and we’ll have a real shot at the BCS title.
Trojans coach “Pete Carroll came to talk to one of my classes last semester”:http://wadearmstrong.com/archives/business/leadership_tips_from_usc_football_coach_pete_carroll.php. There he spoke about the difference between challenging yourself and trying for something that’s just too much. Carroll is well-known for getting fired by the New England Patriots and the New York Jets; in the first situation, he just couldn’t handle following the legacy of famous coach Bill Parcells, who took them to the Super Bowl, and in the latter, he just didn’t win as many victories as the ownership thought he ought to[7]. Coach Carroll told us that just because a challenge is the greatest challenge in the world — like coaching an NFL team was for him — isn’t a good reason to take it; you need to take the challenge that is right for you; taking the right challenges, and always reaching higher, prepares you to get to the biggest challenge you can face.
Coaching a college team is obviously the right challenge for Pete Carroll, and the Rose Bowl is the right challenge for the Trojans this year[8]. It’s a good stop back on the way to the BCS top.
fn1. See definition 5.
fn2. Damn you, Broncos!
fn3. Best class required for graduation: ballroom dancing.
fn4. When you lose only one, then you win the national championship. But two is right out.
fn5. That’s THE Ohio State University to you!
fn6. Not Mark David Chapman
fn7. Since the next coaches went 3-13 and 1-15, instead of Carroll’s 8-8, it’s likely that he actually won more games than he ought have.
fn8. And “my current business idea”:http://dinetothrive.com is the right challenge for me, a double, as they call it in the biz, not a swing-for-the-fences, multimillion-dollar, venture-financed home run.















Just Go Ahead and Pay the Freakin Football Players!

August 10, 2006 / posted in Sports / 1 Comment

College football season’s on its way, which means, naturally, that the sports pages are full of stories of NCAA violations. Some, such as Oklahoma quarterback “Rhett Bomar’s accepting money for a job he didn’t do”:http://www.tulsaworld.com/NewsStory.asp?ID=060803_Ne_A1_TwoSo69334 are relatively serious. Others, such as USC reciever “Dwayne Jarrett’s roommate’s father paying for a luxury apartment”:http://www.latimes.com/sports/la-sp-usc10aug10,0,3529500.story?coll=la-home-sports are simply a sign that the existing system, which effectively prohibits most “Division I”:http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Division_I scholar-athletes from holding any useful job, is badly broken and needs to be fixed. Specifically, it needs to be possible for Division I schools to pay their athletes for playing sports.
Now, this sounds to a lot of people like a crazy solution — turning kids who should be students into pro athletes. But, in fact, a measured application of this principle can help kids who play sports focus on being in college. And a measured applicaton is just what I’m talking about — pay levels on the order of $15,000 a year ought to be more or less sufficient for many purposes, with specific extra allowances for special cases.
To understand why, let’s look at the context in which most college students work and earn money. Your average college student is, by definition, unqualified for most any job. They’ve got little to no work experience, they haven’t yet learned knowledge that would otherwise be required for most white-collar positions, they lack the skills that are desirable for any blue-collar job, they’re unavailable on any 9-to-5 schedule — it just goes on and on. Anyone who’s hired someone straight out of college knows how hard it is to get good work out of them, especially during the first few months. But, at the same time, college students get hired. They get hired because:
* Their parents know someone who know someone
* Their friends’ parents have a company
* They’re on the newspaper or in the bioethics club or Amnesty International
* One retail drone is easily replaced by any other retail drone, if there’s a problem with first retail drone.
But most of these prospects don’t exist for a scholar-athlete playing Divison I sports. Bullets one through three above are all NCAA violations, under most circumstances. Bullet four actually might be a violation — the NCAA prohibits giving any exceptional discounts to athletes, and most retail workers get discounts — but the point of the example is to show that a retail or similar job is really the only one open to scholar-athletes, and even that is limited because, during the season and pre-season training, the athlete probably can’t find the time for work, practice, and school — two out of three, maybe, but not all three. It’s hard to get a college job if you’ll disappear not only during the summer but also during another, specific time of year. Not impossible, but definitely difficult.
The result is that it’s, obviously, difficult for Division I scholar-athletes to earn a useful rate of income. Every college student needs some income — there may be tons of football groupies, but I guarantee you that even the studliest player wants to take his girl out on a date. From whatever background, scholar-athletes need a little income of their own. Worse, however, some scholar-athletes are among the most economically-disadvantaged students in their schools. A full ride to an out-of-state Divison I school can be a kid’s big shot at college, and even a partial scholarship can attract people from disadvantaged backgrounds who would otherwise go to a junior college and live with their parents. These students, among many others, can’t expect any spending money from the parents, and yet they’re often living in a city that’s more expensive than where they grew up, with more attractions, and surrounded by people with more stuff. How do they get money? Well, they get involved in some NCAA violation, or they hang out with the wrong crowd, or they go pro too early, just for a shot at some income.
So, college kids have a hard enough time getting a real job, and it’s virtually impossible for a Division I athlete to get a job, given NCAA regulations. But things get worse. Looking again at the “Dwayne Jarrett violation”:http://www.latimes.com/sports/la-sp-usc10aug10,0,3529500.story?coll=la-home-sports, we see that even normal arrangements are suspect. Jarrett roomed with former USC (now Arizona Cardinals) quarterback Matt Leinart, in an apartment rented by Leinart’s father. Jarrett payed a reasonable (for LA) rent to Leinart’s father — but, the trick is, they lived in an expensive luxury apartment, one that cost many times what Jarrett paid.
Now, it’s not unreasonable for two students to have lived there — I used to work at a company that owned several complexes like the one Jarrett and Leinart lived in, and we were filled with local college students, people from prosperous families who wanted to live in a nice place. Notably, we were also filled with celebrities, people who appreciated the secure property, staffed by people who couldn’t too easily be bribed to let a reporter or stalker inside. Leinart, as a major local celeb, needed such a place if he was to have any privacy at all. Now, it’s normal, perhaps even typical, for a star wide receiver to room with the quarterback, because the whole winning the game thing goes better if these two can be on the same page. Not only that, but it’s pretty normal for more affluent students to pay a disproportionate share of their rent in order to live with their friends. Yet, although many other USC students live in the Medici, and many other college students nationwide pay too little rent for their apartments, for Dwayne Jarrett, it’s a violation.
Meanwhile, USC — like the vast majority of Division I football schools — makes bank off of their program. How is this fair? How does this help anybody?
The goal of NCAA regulations are to prevent cheating, prevent boosters from offering fake jobs that are, in effect, extra scholarships for the school they support, prevent boosters from taking advantage of college kids, and ensure that scholar-athletes have normal experiences that help them to learn all of the life lessons that other college students learn. We can all be for all that, but the ultimate effect here is to prevent students from earning an income with which to support themselves reasonably in school. That’s why colleges just need to pay their scholar-athletes. What could they make a year? $15,000 at a retail drone job? OK, so pay them that and most scholar-athletes will be happy. For celebs like Leinart — and many athletes at top programs can be bothered by their celebrity, especially in small college towns — let the school pay extra to ensure that they have a secure, private place to live. For people living in more expensive towns, offer a cost-of-living adjustment, and maybe a travel allowance for people far from home, like Floridians playing football in Oregon. Make it all above-board, obvious, and base it all on an system that delivers fairness and equality in its results. Then fans won’t have to worry about these rinky-dink violations every year, and, even better, scholar-athletes can concentrate on playing sports and studying, which is the whole point anyway.















2006 NFL Draft Recap

May 1, 2006 / posted in Sports / 2 Comments

As everyone knows, the NFL draft is step 1 on the path to the really important football event of the year, the fantasy draft. Oh, and said draft makes a big difference as I watch my beloved Broncos and Ravens all season long. Will they win? Lose? And how will this year’s crop of Trojans perform?
h3. Ravens
The Ravens got their big run-stuffer in Haloti Ngata in the first round, spent two selections beefing up their offensive line, which was just sad last year, and grabbed a couple of corners. They may have also picked up a tolerable backup RB; although, I guess, with Jamal Lewis and Mike Anderson, they’re set there. Ngata should really open up things for their secondary, but the lack of any difference-making offensive players is a concern. Still, with the running game back on track and, hopefully, some passing game improvement, playoffs seem reachable.
h3. Broncos
The surprise here is Jay Cutler, of course; I agree with pundits who don’t fear for current QB Jake Plummer’s job, Shanahan just knows that he needs a selection at the game’s most pivotal position. Coach has the chance to develop Cutler for a year or two before having to make a decision on Plummer. Denver also picked up a good backup defensive and offensive lineman (I don’t think that Elvis Dumervil is consistent enough to start straight away, despite his great name), and a Jeb Putzier clone. Oh, and the big news was of course trading a pick for Green Bay WR Javon Walker. I’m surprised we don’t see moves like this more often: teams spend a lot of time scouting college players, trying to project college performance into pro performance, when many pro players are held back by being in the wrong system, under the wrong coach, or just shouldering too much of the load. I would think that a team that could do really well at scouting second-rank and unsatisfied first-rank pro players would be able to trade a lot of draft picks for existing pros and do very well, without having to spend, or take the risk, on college players.
Not a bad draft. Expect to see the Broncs in the AFC championship game next year!
h3. Trojans
Certainly it was a surprise that Reggie Bush didn’t go first and that Leinart dropped so far, but both ended up in good places. Bush will get a chance to immediately contriubte to a team that will win, while Leinart is on a team that will be good enough to give him time to develop and good enough that he can be competitive for years. Winston Justice also fell further than one might have expected but the other players on the Eagles should keep him straight, if there’s really any concern about that anymore. Character issues with LenDale are probably overstated — who wouldn’t take a little time off at his age — and the Titans got a real steal. Deuce Lutui should be happy in the desert with Leinart! I’m a bit surprised that NCAA-leading punter Tom Malone didn’t get drafted but he’s sure to catch on as a free agent. Not a great draft for the Trojans but, in 2-3 years, all of these players will be contributing meaningfully and players from ol’ Southern Cal will be in higher demand.
One thing we can be sure about is that the Titans, Jets, and Raiders will regret not grabbing Leinart, and the Ravens will regret not trading up for him. Vince Young will perform pretty well and be a good draw for the Titans if he’s given a year to develop behind Steve McNair, but he’ll drown if thrown right into the league.
h3. Other Notes
Of course, the rumor is that McNair is headed for the Ravens. The Young pick only makes sense if he’s got a year to sit and learn; otherwise, Leinart has big upside, knows Titans (and former USC) offensive coordinator Norm Chow’s offense, and is complete enough to go from day 1. Now, that said, McNair to Baltimore makes no sense; if Baltimore didn’t belive in incumbent QB Kyle Boller they would have moved into a position to take either Cutler, who went mid-first; Leinart, who fell unexpectedly far; or even Kellen Clemens. McNair is only good for one to two years, max, and yet bringing him in means relegating Boller to the position of permanent backup. The fact is, Boller isn’t that bad and, with a line that can actually block and a healthy Todd Heap, might be just fine. My bet is that Baltimore sticks with Boller a year and drafts for need next year.
The Raiders had a good first-round draft but the readiness to start falls off quickly after that. Especially with their weakness at QB — who, exactly, is ready to start? — they aren’t really a threat to start winning straight away. Still, their big offseason move was bringing back Art Shell, which will pay off big-time in the end (why hasn’t the man been coaching since he was fired from the Raiders so long ago?)
The Colts added Tony Dungy-style players who should help them get to the next level. Now all that’s holding them back is Peyton Manning, who’s won at every level except college and pro.
I realize the Cowboys are in “win now” mode but I don’t see that any of their picks after the first are going to get them up to the next level; same with the Redskins.
If you’ve caught the news: Pats backup QB Doug Flutie is set to retire at 42, leaving Matt Cassell as their #2 QB behind Tom Brady. The trick here is that Cassell was competing with Leinart for the starting job at SC three years ago, and the two took it neck-and-neck to the start of the season before Leinart was named starter. Cassell was a very low draft pick and could well turn out to be a real steal for the Pats, who have already shown their ability to identify top QBs in late rounds, as evidenced by their starting QB, Tom Brady, who was drafted in the sixth round.
Oh, and the big surprise? How much better “Fox Sport’s Draft Tracker”:http://msn.foxsports.com/nfl/draftTracker is than everyone else’s.
Overall, this is not a draft that will give us a lot of first-year starters outside of the first round, but looking back in ten years, I do believe that we’ll be surprised about the number of people still in the league from the 2006 draft. And, if you buy all that, then you can give me a call back at my NFL team general manager’s office, where I go to work every day.















Official Super Bowl XL Entry Sponsored by the NFL and Aspercreme

February 4, 2006 / posted in Sports / 2 Comments

Like many Americans, I suffer from repetitive stress injuries, and it is only because of these that I’m not today a professional football coach or, with my stature, safety. However, also like many Americans, I certainly know as much about football as any coach or safety (although perhaps not as much as an offensive lineman), and therefore I plan to hold forth on exactly whom I pick to win tomorrow’s big game.
Were you to prick me, I would bleed either blue and orange or purple and black, depending, I guess, on where exactly you jab your sharp item into my skin (outside a nightclub in Atlanta, I’m quite confident that I would bleed purple and black). I divide my football allegiance between the Denver Broncos, who served as a replacement home team for me after I discovered football while in Colorado and then my hometown Colts committed perhaps the most odious, traitorous act in all of recorded history and moved to Indianapolis; and the Baltimore Ravens, who unexpectedly popped up in my hometown about fifteen years later. How can I pick between two home teams? No, I love them both. Sadly, this year neither is in the big game, the Ravens having tanked it from early on and the Broncos having suffered a spectacular, QB-led meltdown that caused me to lay in the middle of the floor, whimpering, for a good 30 minutes after the game.
So who should I root for? The Steelers, who dismantled my Broncs? The Seahawks, from the oh-so-strange NFC, but who didn’t victimize my favorites on their way to the top? It’s a hard decision, but, after a lot of thought, I’ve made a decision. I’m pulling for the Steelers.
A big part of it is just the play style of the team. It is my avowed desire to some day own an NFL team (note to self: must become much richer), and, when I own a team, it will be a three-yards-and-a-cloud-of-dust, fearsome-defense type of team. I don’t believe in that newfangled forward pass, and I definitely don’t believe in having your entire uniform be one color. The team that matches that description is, of course, the Steelers. Those Seahawks, with their ladylike passing offense, are a hollow mockery of what a football team should be. Well, except for Joe Jurivicius, who brought me a good number of points in fantasy ball this year. Thanks, Joe.
And it helps that the Steelers are from a big, old, Eastern, urban, blue-collar, heavy-industry town, just like my hometown Baltimore. How can I not like a team from a place like that? (Although, if Messrs. Mason and Dixon just hadn’t drawn “their line”:http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Mason-Dixon_Line too far south, Philly would be in Maryland, and then it’d be obvious who I’d root for.)
Plus, I think the steelers will win. Two rushing TDs for Jerome Bettis, one passing for Smilin’ Hines Ward, one passing for Heath Miller, and a field goal will make up their winning score of 31. Meanwhile, the patient running style of the Seahawks’ Shaun Alexander will be rewarded with a lot of tackles for a loss by the ultra-fast Pittsburgh linebacker corps, and the two touchdowns and three field goals produced by their limp-wristed passing “offense” will leave Seattle with a measly 23 points at the end of the day.
So that’s it. Tune in tomorrow to see me proven horribly, tragically wrong. Go Steelers!















Well, That’s a Relief.

January 15, 2006 / posted in Sports / No Comments

I guess I can put “that”:http://juniorbird.com/archive/002184.php aside. I was all worried we’d get to see a third consecutive year of the Colts physically and morally dominating the Broncos; instead, the Steelers, who I’d completely written off (as had all the other handicappers), showed the Colts the door. So, next week, I get to root for the Brocs with no regrets, and, hey, if the Steelers win it, I can’t help but feel good for a bunch of 3-yards-and-a-cloud-of-dust scrappers from a big industrial town back East.
OK, maybe I’d be a little pissed if my Broncs don’t win. And I’ll root for the Seahawks, too, ’cause I think they’re meat for the Broncos in Super Bowl Xtra Large; the Panthers would make a tougher opponent. Think of that, Broncos over Seahawks for their first Lombardi Trophy since the Elway era? Makes me excited but also sad, Jake the Snake is great but he’s no John Elway. May they both win NFL Championships anyway.
Ding-dong, the Colts have lost, the wicked Colts have lost.















Serious Worries

January 14, 2006 / posted in Sports / No Comments

I’m a Broncos fan from way back, so you’d think I’d be excited that they beat the Patriots in the playoffs today. No dice. It was a painful game to watch, really, not because it was bad — it wasn’t — but because my heart wanted my Broncs to win but my head knew only the Pats could beat the hated Indianapolis Colts. I fear seeing the Colts in the Super Bowl this year, because I believe they can win, and it would be just awful if the people who betrayed my beloved hometown in 1984 were to meet with any kind of success at all.
Yes, us Baltimorons have long memories. But I don’t even need a long memory to recall that the Colts shellacked my Broncos during the last two years’ playoffs. So next week, it’s down to heartbreaking defeat. I need a drink already.















Back on Top

October 19, 2005 / posted in B-School, Food, Sports / No Comments

I got back on track tonight with a win in the cooking competition. My Thai Beef Noodles turned out tasty — I believe the flavor was described by one of my competitors as “very smooth.”
In all honesty, it wasn’t my best work. I used ordinary soy sauce, and forgot how salty it could be. While the dish was full of flavor, the salt really did overpower everything. I was worried that this problem would doom me to an easy defeat, but there seemed to be something in the air this week — my main opposition’s dish came out a bit too spicy. It was a good Asian dish, featuring some tasty veggies and a great peach chutney, unfortunately overpowered by the spicy.
We also had a new competitor, and, prospectively, two more next week. The new competitor had a good start, barbecued chicken and pasta; I’ll be excited to see what he brings next week.
And I’m excited about my handiwork. While the Thai Beef Noodles were too salty, they were well-executed. The rice noodles — which I’ve always made gummy in the past — were the right combination of soft and chewy; the onions and chilis and fish sauce melded together into a single wonderful flavor; and the beef was cooked just right and cut into pieces of the right size. I executed well, and would have pulled it off against most competition, but for the saltiness. So, next time, I’ll be even better. Next week, I’ll take it again. I wonder what I’ll pull out of my recipe file?
Now I just need that sucka who I’m trying to make a trade with in one of my Fantasy leagues to pull the trigger. I mean, he’s got Jamal Lewis, he needs Chester Taylor (Jamal’s backup, who’s been better so far this year), I have Chester Taylor, I need a Wide Receiver, he has Deion Branch as his #3 out of 5 perfectly serviceable receivers, what’s the holdup here?















2-3, 2-3, and Now 3-1

October 13, 2005 / posted in B-School, Food, Sports / 1 Comment

I love to compete, so it’s no surprise that I’m in two Fantasy Football leagues and one weekly cooking competition; I like to win, too, which is why it’s a little bit surprising that I’m 2-3 in both leagues and, now, have dropped from 3-0 to 3-1 in the cooking competition.
One of the leagues, I’m not too worried about. Sure, I’ve started slow, but that’s not least because my quarterbacks, Trent Green and Jake Delhomme, have started slow too. Well, Delhomme seems to have things going again — he’s a very consistent QB — and, with his big protector Willie Roaf back, Green should get better again. Plus, I have stud RB Tiki Barber, a productive Alge Crumpler (a late-round steal!), and a surprising Keenan McCardell, so I should be able to win a number of shootouts down the road. Just waiting for things to get turned around, and I should be playoff-bound.
My other league was kind of a disaster from the beginning. I drafted right in the middle, and I’m oh so bad there — I can leverage the bottom corner or a top pick, but the middle just screws me up. I picked bad, reached way too much too often, didn’t get many of my targets, and wound up with Ahman Green as my #1 RB and Michael Clayton as my #1 WR. Despite being 2-3, I’m in dead last in this league, and will do well to stay out of last place as the season goes on; the lone bright spot in this team is RB Brian Westbrook, a real steal (balanced out by my awful Aaron Brooks selection, at the very least).
So, with one league probably headed in the right direction and the other probably hopeless, my only worry is the cooking competition; and I’m very worried.
I started 3-0, by virtue of better recipes and better execution. But, last week, we saw that Shannon, my competition, could really bring it, if she could just execute consistently. Trash talking started early, on Monday, anticipating a real showdown for Wednesday night’s class (we always microwave our dinners during the break, coming at about 8pm during a 6:30-9:30 class, then eat them in the classroom and trade bites). Inspired by this competition, I brought my A game — my barbecue chicken, with homemade barbecue sauce beloved by my friends, and the best mashed potatoes I’ve ever made. The potatoes are stunning, creamy and smooth after being reheated even now, three days after I cooked them. Restaurant-quality to say the least. The chicken is cooked just right, and the barbecue sauce is good, a little too tangy but interesting. Next time: add some sauteed onions to increase the smoky flavor.
All of this is to say: I brought my A game. I was on fire. I reheated my food, smelled the aroma, and we traded bites. Shocking — we were tied! So we brought in a third party and he named Shannon winner, not without justification. So, I’m worried. I need to elevate my cooking beyond anywhere it’s consistently been before if I want to take this home next week and turn this competition around. I need to be strong and on top. This is a solid challenge, and I’m excited to see where it goes next.















Poor Terrell

July 26, 2005 / posted in Sports / 1 Comment

The beauty of blogging is that, over a period of years, a dedicated writer can develop an audience of up to several, gain the trust of this audience, and thus have a stage upon which to stand when he shouts out that one absolutely, completely, and preposterously crazy truth that only he knows. Now is that time for me. Now is my time to say, I feel bad for Terrell Owens, I know where he’s coming from, I understand why he’s holding out and I’m _down with it_.
I realize that’s crazy. Ol’ Terrell, he got a 7-year, $49 million contract before he started playing for the Iggles last year. Who holds out because they’re underpaid when they’re making $7 million a year? Who wants to redo a contract only one year old? A spoiled brat, right? Someone who has no idea what normal people earn and work for, right? That’s what the press says, that’s conventional wisdom.
But that ain’t my wisdom, no siree. Terrell, he think he got screwed, and he _right_. That’s the problem with any negotiation, you always have the two sides to it and both sides are tremendously important and valid to the individuals to whom they belong. The Eagles think they offered Terrell a fair deal and they’re right too. And that’s a problem.
We got in this position because the two sides entered negotiations with a fundamentally different view of reality and, unfortunately, no part of the negotiations made the two world-views coincide. Terrell felt like a spurned, underrated receiver in San Francisco, and he itched for a chance to prove himself — and expected that, once he had proven himself, he’d be compensated at a high level. Well, Terrell produced last season, playing a key role in getting the club to the Super Bowl and making key plays that kept Philly in the game until the very end. Wouldn’t you, as a reasonable person being underpaid by $1.5 million/year, go on strike?
On the other hand, Philadelphia thought that they were paying a fair price for a top receiver, with a reasonable discount for the risk of signing an older player who might be on the downside of his career and who was also known to be a disruption in the locker room, a position borne out by the fact that they hired Owens’s services in a competitive bidding process. Philadelphia felt they’d paid a fair price for top-receiver performance and were happy to have got what they paid for.
Both world-views were supported by a particular subset of the facts when the contract was signed, and both world-views are supported by a particular subset of the facts now. Inconveniently enough, that means that both world-views are true, and therefore both sides have a valid point. This point makes for poor demagoguery, and thus I will never be a sportswriter or a “Maximum Leader”:http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_maximum_leader, but, dammit, it’s my soapbox and I’ll waste it however I please.
But you’ve got to feel bad for poor T.O.. I mean, he’s a real piece of work, but he was on absolutely his best behavior for a good six months, every minute of every day. That must have been torture, and it must equally only have been the taste of the long green in his mouth that kept it shut. Thinking of the pain he must now have inside makes me feel the same gut-wrenchingly neurotic sense of mixed empathy and vicarious embarassment that makes me hide my eyes for two-thirds of any given episode of _Curb Your Enthusiasm_. Which either means that I’m too sensitive to the plight of my fellow man, or that Terell Owens has become a misanthropic Jew.















« Older PostsNewer Posts »