« Archives in June, 2003

28 Days Later

Were I a real movie reviewer, I’d start this out with a thorough retrospective of the zombie movie genre and also weave in an overview of the difficulties of importing artistic British movies. And yada yada yada. Well, movie reviewers are like that, especially in LA, where everybody knows the biz.
But I’m no Manohla Dargis. I’m just an ordinary guy who likes really brilliant filmmaking like that in 28 Days Later.
Okay, first the obligatory brief summary of the movie. Bike courier is hit by car. Bike courier is in coma. Bike courier wakes from coma. Bike courier finds nobody is around, anywhere, in the center of London. Bike courier travels London, finds many dead, others zombified, is almost eaten alive. Bike courier finds other survivors, falls in with them, travels north to Manchester to try and find civilization.
It’s not a bad plot, and, in its ultimate construction, works very well. Action moves on at an appropriate pace, with breaks being taken at the right moments and suspense and motion coming naturally. Nothing is rushed, and there are no deus ex machinas. The quality of the basic concept, and the strong script, pay off through the film.
The acting is also fine. Even the incidental characters are convincing — although it must be said that this may be a function of the British style of acting. Who, after all, hasn’t at sometime said, “Ahh, now that’s some fine classically-trained acting?” Yeah, so the perceived quality of the acting in this movie might just be a side effect of some built-in American sense of submission to the mother country.
The cinematography was good too, few really striking shots but every shot just so. The film had a strange look to it — at first I thought it was 8mm — which, reading up on the topic, I learn is a from using all digital. The result is close to Dr. Who vs. the Daleks and adds to the feel of urgency and disaster that permeates the film.
Now, I know you’re saying, “but Wade, you’ve gone 350 words and you haven’t even mentioned the zombies! Everybody just prattles on and on about the zombies!” Well, I didn’t talk about ‘em ’cause everyone else already did. What can I say, they’re great zombies! Not clumsy, oafish, moaning zombies, plaintively (and mellowly) calling out for brains, the infected in 28 Days Later are fervent, raspy, blood-covered and vicious. They seem to have some innate, reptile intelligence straight from the id. They scream eerily and breathe heavily and decidedly deserve death. And I feared their appearance at every moment.
No review of a horror movie can go without mentioning the blood and gore in it. And this was a bloody and gory movie, no missing it — but not so much as many of today’s pictures. At many points, the extent of the actual violence was left to the viewer’s imagination; at other times, the violence was heavily backlit or carried out at night, so that only the outline of bodies or certain highlighted areas were visible. Other fights used fast cuts to show the highlights. Only at the very end, when violence was necessary — both morally and to the plot — did we really see any extended explicit gore. The total effect was much better than any five disembowelments or dozen flayings.
The selective level of violence shown was a side effect, I believe, of the moviemakers’ good understanding of suspense. Strategic use of surprise gave us shocking scenes and also created the anticipation of disaster at many other key points — but surprise was never overused, so we never knew what was coming next. Art vs. sledgehammer.
So what is there left to say? This was a good movie. Go see it.















My Very First Pest Infestation!

Into every green garden a little bit of nasty killer beasties must fall I guess. This week, instead of growing fast enough to take over the world, my spearmint and chives have themselves been viciously attacked by Evil Thingies.
The chives suddenly became completely covered by small beetles:
dozens of tiny little black beetles
(those little black dots — that’s them!)
I’m going to OSH to see if I can find anything to get rid of these guys. I might look for some ladybugs to eat them, but as I live next to a large garden area, I fear that ladybugs wouldn’t stick around.
The spearmint, from out of nowhere, started getting holes in its leaves, and then a white fuzz grew on them. Then many of these leaves fell off, and now it looks nasty:
raggedy mint
I’m cutting off the stricken branches, and I’ll see if stuff goes away.
Either case, I’d rather not use chemicals. These herbs are all meant for the kitchen, and I’d rather not have stuff on them that would render them unsafe to eat. It’s enough I have to wash off the dirt, dust, little critters, etc.















Splendaiferous

My latest purchase: low-fat cranberry juice sweetened with this stuff called Splenda. It’s apparently made directly from sugar, but doesn’t contain a lot of the stuff in sugar. This being the first time that I realized that sugar contained anything besides, well, sugar.
I’m sketchy about the whole low-fat thing. Eating healthy is all about making the right choices, and making low-fat products only allows us to avoid making those choices. And then, when low-fat is not convenient, we don’t know how to exercise restraint and eat right. My friend, for example. He’s been trying to lose weight since high school! Half his diet is low-fat Healthy Choice or Weight Watchers pasta. And, each time I see him eat pasta, he puts about a quarter cup or Kraft Parmesan Cheese on it. See? Bad choices from bad fundamentals.
So I usually avoid reduced-fat, trying to eat instead things that are fundamentally low in fat. But, I’ve got this wack-ass diet in which I can’t have (among other things) corn syrup. And let me tell you, everything’s sweetened with corn syrup. Mustard, even. So I get a lot of diet stuff, because it’s all sweetened with NutraSweet or some such.
Now, I hate NutraSweet. I can taste it in food, and it tastes, to me, kinda like dirt. So diet soda is sweet and sandy. Sandy’s fun for nobody. Unless it’s that girl Sandy from college — yowza! I jumped on that Splenda-sweetened juice, and it’s not bad. A little cloying and lacking in depth of favor. Moderately acceptable. There’ll be more Splenda in my life, at least for the next month or so.















Emergency Backup Chicken Strips

A defining feature of my recent life is dietary restrictions. I’m allergic to something (not yet determined, so I avoid a lot), and my girlfriend’s on the Atkins diet. There’s not a lot of things we can eat, and even fewer things we can both eat together.
So, the other night, when we ran errands and hung out and suddenly realized that, gosh, it was late and we should have dinner already — well, that was trouble. The little woman didn’t have much in the fridge, and we’d planned to shop but had never gotten around to it. What could we eat?
The shopping-free dinner is a fun challenge in and of itself. And, here, we had additional limitations of what ingredients I could eat and how little carbs she could have. I rummaged through the fridge and the pantry, and came up with a simple recipe for fried chicken strips:
Emergency Backup Chicken Strips
2 Chicken Breasts
2 Eggs
2 1/2 T Peanut Butter
2 1/2 t Mustard (a fancier kind, not the plain yellow good-on-hot-dogs type — you want the additional flavor)
Salt
Pepper
Cayenne Pepper
Peanut, Soybean or Safflower Oil to fry in
1. Cut the chicken in thin strips
2. Mix the ingredients except the chicken and oil until well-combined
3. Dip the chicken in the breading
4. Heat the oil ’til smoking
5. Fry on each side ’til brown
6. Remove to paper towels and drain
Mmm! Look, the girlfriend couldn’t wait for me to take the picture before she ate them!
mmm well-fried chicken strips















Junior: Resurrection

I just watched most of Alien: Resurrection for the first time. And, frankly, it occurred to me, as I was watching the movie and as my bird was sitting in my lap and mumbling and making kissy noises, that Junior looks like nothing so much as an Alien.
Think about it: the outsize hands, the head elongated behind the neck (in this case it’s a crest, but, hey, it looks like a head), the hissing, the proboscis within the mouth (second mouth/prehensile tongue) — it all fits. Aliens attach themselves to your face and then burst out your stomach; Junior latches on and cuddles and leaves white dust all over you. Aliens have acid blood; Junior has poo and will be happy to throw up for you while you’re at it. Aliens like to crawl around on the ceiling; Junior climbs upside-down on the roof of his cage. People fear being eaten by aliens; my girlfriend is scared of Junior’s screams.
Yes, I’m harboring an Alien in my bedroom. I shan’t sleep well tonight!















Bruce Almighty

I wasn’t sure for, like, three days what I thought of this movie. Don’t get me wrong, I had a good time watching it. It made me laugh and stuff. Several times. Kinda hard even. Classic scenes and whatnot.
But I still couldn’t figure out what it was that this movie made me think. Part of the problem was that, for most of the movie, director Tom Shadyac (hey I learned that’s pronounced Shady-yak; living in a company town finally pays off, eh?) didn’t plan I would think anything. Mostly it was a fun, mindless comedy. A story about an everyman that pretty much everyone in the audience could sympathize with. And, to me, that’s what about 90% of films should be.
There were a few points where it turned preachy. At the end, when Bruce was talking with God about being Almighty, they went a little over on the schmaltz. But then it is a stupid comedy, so it’s important to not be too particular about these things. Somebody who went into a theater expecting classic work from Jim Carrey and Tom Shadyac would be, well, a critic. And this movie got panned for its shallowness and contrived plot. But who needs a flawless and deep stupid comedy? Where’s the fun in that?
The rest of the movie was all fun. A few sight gags, great one-liners, and some facial gymnastics by Jim Carrey. Just what you expect from a Carrey flick. But, still, it left something in the back of my head. And I didn’t realize it until I was half-awake two mornings later.
I was thinking about the movie, about writing this review, and realized I was seeing every scene in my head – but with Adam Sandler, not Jim Carrey. And there was no difference. None at all.
So how is it that the 40-some-year-old Carrey is interchangeable with the 30ish Sandler? How is it that this movie could’ve been made with either of them?
It’s perhaps the curse of the well-executed generic comedy that it can be lead by any one of several stars. Classically, it’s the character of the star that is projected throughout the movie and that makes the picture unique. And, well, Carrey added none of that here. It was all heartwarming feel, no rubber face and stretchy arms. And, when you get beyond that, Carrey is just every everyman.
The only question: can Sandler bring in a $100 million opening? Well, maybe that is Carrey’s unique print on Bruce Almighty.















Ouchie I Broke My Orthopedic Pieces

Yea, verily, for I have been accursed by the Lord, and he hath burthen’d me with feet that are in the shape of a Z, or so sayeth the expensive orthopedists at the Kerlan-Jobe clinic near LAX. And the Lord did say, your feet shall poorly absorb the stresses of their frequent impacts with the ground, and instead your shins will be overstressed, and you shall have shinsplints, and, should you not get them treated promptly, I shall rain down upon you a plague of stress fractures. And even whenst thine feet do bend and flex to support your weight as you jog, they will flex inefficiently and the plantar fascia become pulled and inflamed. And yea so your arches shall hurt every day, but most of all first thing in the morning.
You! Yes, you! You're the troublemaker!
And it only took, what, 600 hours to find this out?
I am a patient boy
See, the problem with going to a clinic that’s world-famous for working on top athletes is that you wait quite some time to see your doctor. And, at Kerlan-Jobe, you’re likely to find that half the world is there at any one time.
boy that waiting room is full!
But at least they have a TV in the waiting room, so The People’s Court could keep me company.
Ahh, judge Marilyn Chambers
The big plus was that, unlike the Recognizable Sports Stars I was there with, I’m not badly broken.
Radiologists look at x-ray films of patients
Sadly, I didn’t take any pictures of the doc manipulating my feet in odd and painful ways. “Tell me when it hurts,” he says as he digs his thumbs into the fleshy part of my arch. Well, good morning to you too!
The prescription: physical therapy and orthotics. I kind of look forward to the orthotics ’cause the doctor there is a slightly batty guy from Utah. He told me how he once tried really hard to run, because he thought all runners had such a good attitude and he thought that, maybe if he ran, he’d get a good attitude too. He tried so hard he actually ran three times in this one week. But he didn’t feel good so he gave up.
At least he didn’t accuse me of having an attitude problem! Although apparently my ankle tendons are so inflexible that he thought I was holding my feet rigid as he cast them for the mould for the orthotics. I have no idea what that says about me. It can’t be good.















You, Too, Can Get Rich Selling Crap At The Supermarket

Today, at Ralph’s for canned tuna, I saw rise in front of me in much the same way the apes in 2001 saw the monolith rise in front of them, the following shocking marketing decision:
a supermarket display filled with nautical items
That’s right, in the middle of the ghetto Ralph’s up the street from me is a display dedicated to selling nautcally-themed bric-a-brac. The kind of stuff your grandfather might put on the mantel or your aunt on the sideboard. Yes, precious keepsakes for your home, like this chronometer:
blimey, a clock
First, because who doesn’t need a wall clock shaped like a sailing ship’s wheel? Verily, for my apartment has been unfurnished to this point without such an item. Second, because the Ralph’s (not even a Ralph’s Fresh Fare) is where I would first think to buy such a thing. Nautical home accessories! At the supermarket! It’s a marketing breakthrough!
In case you missed it, apparently somebody’s going to buy a carved wooden boat. Yes, a boat at the supermarket. I have proof:
blimey, a dinghy
I’m so confused by this concept, I’m almost unable to make fun of it!
OK, I’ll admit there was one time I wanted something sold at Ralph’s — I still wish I’d purchased the Spirited Away DVD there. I figured I could get it cheaper at Best Buy but they didn’t even have it! Ah, cruel fate.
But the DVD even was at least an appropriate checkout aisle impulse purchase. Sailing ships of yore, on the other hand, are bulky home decorations. Who pushes their cart past this display and picks up something? Why did Ralph’s think this was a good idea? Is it the competition from the Big Lots next door? Because, if I had a store and found myself competing with Big Lots I’d throw in the towel (don’t get me wrong, I love my Big Lots deals — but it’s one thing to keep them off your home territory and another to branch out to cover the rest of their purview). I mean, it’s a frickin’ grocery store. Dump the boats and give me some meat that’s not nasty and brown and old.
I dread, dread the day they begin to sell divans and ottomans.















Cooking With Wade

my our host is smarmy!
Hello, and welcome to Cooking With Wade!
For those of you who like to prepare a whole week’s worth of food in advance, and have every meal ready before it’s time to eat it, well, boy are we in agreement. It’s the easiest way to eat healthy! Today, for just that purpose, we made:
it could be a bit charred...
Chicken in Garlic and Shallots. This is a great-looking dish from Alton Brown’s cookbook that, sadly, didn’t smell as good as he promised. But it does taste pretty great! The garlic and shallots have caramelized into something that tastes like butter even though itt may be a little carburized on the outside, and the chicken is flavorful, if a bit dry (well, everyone’s oven isn’t the same). As Alton points out, it’s a fun dish because it’s easy and it uses a different and exciting way of cooking, the slow-fry. Yes, this thing is fried in olive oil in the oven over a period of an hour and a half. Odd but effortless! Although I wonder if a higher-smoke point oil, like grapeseed oil, would cook it up as good while keeping the blackening to a minimum.
mmm side dish
This is a lemony spinach and lentil dish from this great cookbook, Easy Meals One Pot, that I rescued off of the discount rack at Barnes and Noble a few weeks ago. I saw two recipes that looked fun in it so, for $4, I thought I’d take the plunge. And it’s delivered! Everything is easy and tasty, it’s a great addition. Now, this book sold so poorly that, even though it’s published by Barnes and Noble, there’s not even a link to it at bn.com. And I think I know why – every recipe has at least one wack ass ingredient in it, the kind you go, like, where the fuck am I supposed to get that? I don’t live in little Azerbaijan or Patagoniatown, I live in the middle of Los Angeles.
But hey tasty is as tasty does, and I love this cookbook!
This weekend I had dinner with my parents. My mother planned this side dish with zucchini and mushrooms and shallots but I ended up making it – and it turned out good!
So, chop up about 5 zucchinis and a pack of shiitake mushrooms.
Slice two shallots in half and then slice half-rounds from them.
Heat olive oil in a skillet (I used non-stick but anything would work for this)
When the oil’s hot, put in the zucchini and brown them on one side.
Sprinkle on salt and pepper.
Flip the zucchini and add the mushrooms.
Sprinkle on more salt and pepper.
When the zucchini are browned on the other side, reduce the heat to medium-low and add the shallots.
Sweat the shallots ’til they turn transparent.
In retrospect, I might add some chopped parsley at the end. But then the herb garden has a massive parsley surplus and I’m throwing it in everything these days.
Anyway, all that and you end up with this:
mmm side dish
Mmmm. Eat up!















2 Fast, 2 Furious

Ain’t that the worst headline ever? Well, it’s late and I’m not feeling that original.
I have to admit I came to this film (2 Fast, 2 Furious) expecting the bare minimum of watchabilty. I’d thought the first one was ok but a bit slow, and I was afraid of more of the same. Plus, 2 was lacking Vin Diesel, who’d completely run away with the first movie.
Things didn’t start out auspiciously. Now, I live in LA, where every movie opens first, and everyone flocks to the new openings (conversely, not even the best films last more than a few weeks here). It’s like the movie market in general, but more so. And showing up for a hot movie on its opening weekend, you need to show early to get in line outside the theater. But when we got there 45 minutes before showtime the line looked like this:
an empty queue
Now that’s a bad sign. Can’t even open a teen-oriented movie with full lines for one weekend?
Left alone in line while my moviegoing companion got a Wetzel’s Pretzel, I started to write this post. Yep, without seeing the movie. See, I used to be a movie reviewer, and this is how all the pros do it. Works for covering hard news too!
I was making up all sorts of jokes to make on the name of the star, the heretofore idenitity-less Paul Walker. Paul Thomas? Paul Michael Gossealer? Yeah, stupid shit like that. But I figured a few crappy puns would be needed to flesh out a bleak review of a disastrous movie.
Five minutes before they let us in, a bunch of extreeeemely well-dressed asian kids started to show up, and, once we got in the theater, a whole stream of russians also dribbled in.
Can a stream dribble? Oh well. The point is, they were all about 19, they all cheered loudest for the Freddy vs. Jason trailer, and I could see all of them driving waaaay too fast in some rice rocket. So that’s the demo this thing is drawing, and boy did I feel out of place.
Now, I’d mentioned that I thought the first film had too much talking, too little racing? Well, good signs first off when pretty much all the opening scene was hot girls’ asses and some trash talking. And then there was a race straight off that showed you where 2 was coming from — a little less street cred, a little more budget and flash, a lot more fun and a lot more focus on driving fast.
And they followed this part of the show with a bunch of scenes that either involved driving recklessly, hot girls, the ridiculously hot Eva Mendes, trash talking, pranks, or a bit of gunplay. No talking. None at all. Plot? Sure, enough to make each scene fit in its own place. Not too much to get in the way.
Miss Vin Diesel? Not even slightly. With the opportunity to shine, Paul Walker proved that he’s a latter-day Keanu with smoother delivery and more boyish charm, and Tyrese was the perfect sidekick. The minimalist script was kicky and snappy and filled with laughs. The pacing was just right, never a slow moment but never losing you with too much at once either.
Oh, and the end was… well, Tyrese said it was Dukes of Hazzard, and Bo and Luke woulda been proud!