« Archives in September, 2005

Not Even Remotely Smurfy (But Very Snowy)

It was a wonderful summer. One of the many perks of being the child of two university professors was a month-long family vacation, every summer, and this one was in France. Now, France is a good thing for a seven-year-old, to the extent that a seven-year-old notices France, but what really stood out was the ice cream. Sure, it was all better than American ice cream, but my favorite was Smurf flavor (in French, “Schtroumpf”).
Smurf-flavored ice cream was the bright blue color of The Smurfs (although, hopefully, vegetarian), and tasted vaguely minty; I insisted on it at least once a day. My preference, at this age, was to eat ice cream from a cup, rather than a cone, because I wasn’t really able to eat fast enough to outpace the melting action caused by both the sun and the ambient temperature of the Paris summer. Rather than ending up with sticky hands for the afternoon — for I’d always get the ice cream as a treat as we walked around the city and visited the various historically interesting locations therein — I’d eat the ice cream from a cup and drink down any leftover melt. It was wonderful.
Until, one day, I felt bad after we returned home. My stomach hurt, and I believe we stayed in for dinner. Sometime during the night, I threw up in my bed, and made my parents change and wash the sheet; as a reward for their effort, once they had new sheets on my bed, I threw up all over them as well. In the morning, a French doctor came (in retrospect, I have no idea how my parents procured a doctor in Paris on so little notice). The tall, gray-faced doctor, in a long black greatcoat despite the summer, took me to a hospital, where I got to throw up in a hospital bed instead.
The hospital itself was a children’s hospital and remarkably happy place, painted with some bright colors and with children’s drawings posted on the walls. I had a room alone, with a bed and a chair in the corner, and was happy to fall asleep there and escape my stomach misery.
But in the middle of the night I was shaken asleep by one of the nurses. I sat up and, knowing no French, asked what was going on; another nurse held me down while a third nurse took a “spinal tap”:http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Lumbar_puncture. It was like being hit in the back with a hammer, but, despite the trauma, I fell asleep straight afterwards. (It wasn’t a random tap — at least at the time, French standard practice was to test for meningitis in almost all cases with even one or two meningitis symptoms.)
The trick about a spinal tap is to keep the subject of the procedure recumbent for at least six hours, in order to avoid the major complication of blinding headaches. Well, less than six hours after my tap — probably more like four — I was awoken again by the nurse, who sat me up for breakfast in bed. I wolfed down the breakfast and then played with a new toy my father brought me, a little “Playmobil pirate playset”:http://store.playmobilusa.com/is-bin/INTERSHOP.enfinity/eCS/Store/en/-/USD/PM_DisplayProductInformation-Start;sid=EvIZiwNmOg4ZiUBFwl4Vrc1UVU2Qgzg2hNs=?ProductSKU=3937&CategoryName=US_storefront&PLS=0 . A day or two later I was released from the hospital, my probable food poisoning having passed.
And then the headaches came. They seemed to be worst when we were sitting at a restaurant, waiting to order dinner or to be served — or maybe it was just that they most annoyed my parents then. The pain would come from the back of my head and would be blinding, and my poor parents tried every which way to relieve my symptoms. Finally, relief came from a French friend, who recommended that I bring a book with me everywhere to distract me, and, further, recommended the specific book I should read: “Tintin”:http://www.tintin.com/.
If you’ve never read a Tintin, you’re missing out. Tintin is a little Belgian reporter, of uncertain but young age, and with a very unruly cowlick. He solves crimes and mysteries with the help of his dog, Snowy (“Milou” in French), and his friends, including Captain Haddock, Professor Calculus, and Thomson and Thompson from Scotland Yard. Tintin goes everywhere, from Peru to the Middle East to China to the Moon to the bottom of the sea, all in well-written four-color comic style ( _Bande Dessiné_ in French) How could a kid not love these stories?
So, for the rest of the vacation, we carried Tintins with us. Every meal, I’d sit down at the table and turn away from my book only to order and then, with some chagrin, to eat. The headaches passed, but I kept reading books while waiting at restaurants for several years, until my parents, I guess, got bored of me being non-interactive and decided I should pay polite attention. But, when I’m sick, I like nothing so much as to read Tintins in bed.















Bonus Alexandria Pics From The Baltimore Trip

As “I mentioned”:http://juniorbird.com/archive/001649.php, when attempting to fly home from Baltimore I instead found myself stuck in a hotel in Alexandria. Well, what better to do at a time like that than to finish off the roll of film in the camera? Say hello to said remainder of a roll of film!
!http://juniorbird.smugmug.com/photos/35184421-S.jpg!:http://juniorbird.smugmug.com/gallery/792470/1/35184421
!http://juniorbird.smugmug.com/photos/35184422-S.jpg!:http://juniorbird.smugmug.com/gallery/792470/1/35184422
!http://juniorbird.smugmug.com/photos/35184424-S.jpg!:http://juniorbird.smugmug.com/gallery/792470/1/35184424
!http://juniorbird.smugmug.com/photos/35184426-S.jpg!:http://juniorbird.smugmug.com/gallery/792470/1/35184426
!http://juniorbird.smugmug.com/photos/35184429-S.jpg!:http://juniorbird.smugmug.com/gallery/792470/1/35184429
!http://juniorbird.smugmug.com/photos/35184432-S.jpg!:http://juniorbird.smugmug.com/gallery/792470/1/35184432
!http://juniorbird.smugmug.com/photos/35184435-S.jpg!:http://juniorbird.smugmug.com/gallery/792470/1/35184435
!http://juniorbird.smugmug.com/photos/35184436-S.jpg!:http://juniorbird.smugmug.com/gallery/792470/1/35184436
!http://juniorbird.smugmug.com/photos/35184438-S.jpg!:http://juniorbird.smugmug.com/gallery/792470/1/35184438















Dear People Calling Me

I understand that, with today’s cellular telephone technology, you can contact me at any time. However, that does not mean that you need to contact me at any time; and that does not mean that, if you need to contact me, you should call me. Said cellular telephone technology offers you various methods by which you can effectively, promptly, and appropriately contact me.
As a user of cellular phones these days, you should be familar with the concept of “voicemailing.” This is when the owner of the phone being called chooses to hit the End Call button, sending you to voicemail directly, rather than answering your call. You can rest assured that I do like you, so it’s not highly probable that I’ve sent you to voicemail because I don’t want to talk to you — I’ve probably sent you there because I can’t talk to you. I may be in a meeting or in class or, even, on my porcelain throne. In any case, I’ve given you the opportunity to leave me a message, which allows me to listen to what you have to say at a more appropriate time and reply to it, based on the urgency of your message.
Please do give me the opportunity to return your message at a more appropriate time. When you call back immediately after leaving your message, you make me wonder “is this an emergency?” When you call back five times in an hour and fifteen minutes, you make me think that “this *must* be an emergency”. So, then, when you say, hey, I was wondering when you’d be free for dinner tonight, well, the answer may be “insofar as I was, until this moment, convinced someone had died, I’ve actually rather lost my appetite.”
Also, when someone *has* died, I probably won’t answer the fifth time you call me, because I’ll think you’re worrying about, say, what movie we’ll see tonight.
Fortunately, the miracle of modern technology has given us a fine solution to the challenge of asking me a moderately urgent question when I can’t answer my phone. This technology is the text message, the modern update of paging. You can send me a short text message describing your question; I can read this message in class, or a meeting, without being rude, and may even be able to do so in a one-on-one conversation. If you mention that another party to our dinner plans needs to either make a commitment now or make alternate plans, I might even be able to take 15 seconds to reply via text message.
Or I might not. I mean, there is almost certainly some reason why I’m not answering my phone, and the reason is, again, probably not that I don’t like you.
But don’t worry, phone companies can’t get this right either. For the past three weeks, Cingular has regularly called me to tell me that my voicemail upgrade is coming. I didn’t know my old voicemail was broken! I could record an outgoing message, I could listen to and delete incoming messages, I don’t really think I need any more functionality.
Actually, after the upgrade, I don’t think I *got* any more funcationality. Well, I don’t need to enter my password to get in, when I’m calling from my phone. And I can now delete messages by pressing 7, rather than 3, a great convenience that matches the voicemail system that I used in a job I had from 1998-2000 and thus will be much easier to remember six years ago. Oh, and since my old password contained the number 7, until I realized that I didn’t need to enter my password to get into the system I was deleting voicemails. So who knows what I missed!
At least I think that’s the new functionality with which Cingular has provided me; I’ve only had my new voicemail for a few days. For about a week and a half Cingular sent me messages telling me my voicemail upgrade was delayed. To me, the messages sounded like: “The change of your existing system to a new system with unspecified new features and, likely, no useful new features, has been delayed for an arbitrary amount of time, perhaps because we suck at planning. We’ll keep bothering you about this change that was not requested by you and which may not meet any of your product or feature needs, and which requires no action by you,until this change has been made, most likely on a timeline that is convenient to us but, yet, entirely unpredictable to us.”
Oh well, at the very least, when Cingular upgraded my voicemail system they deleted all of my old saved messages and my old outgoing message, so I both lost any formerly-useful information and sounded like an idiot to everyone who tried to call me during that time period.
Thanks, Cingular, and thanks, friends, for calling me incessantly and only during class. I love you both, but please try to take my needs into account when trying to communicate with me.
Kisses!















Hail Sweden

Did you know that Sweden used to have a world monopoly in matches? It’s true, they made and sold pretty much all of the matches out there for a long time. The reason why is deceptively simple: at the opening of the industrial age, some Swede (or Swedes) had the insight that you might want to have exactly the same number of matches in every matchbox. Filling matchboxes by count, rather than by volume, made it easy to mechanically fill matchboxes, which took one of the most labor- and, therefore, cost-intensive parts out of match manufacturing, which meant that Swedish matches were suddenly cheaper, and more profitable than other matches — plus the purchaser would be sure to get the same value for their dollar in matches with every purchase. Sometimes the insight you need to succeed is surprisingly small.















Fun In The Boys’ Locker Room, Featuring Matt and Alex

I’ve always been bad with combination locks. This time last year, when everyone else was celebrating the fact that they had a brand new locker and no longer needed to lug around their 900-page Accounting and 700-page Microecon books at the same time, I could only think “oh my god, 250 new people — all of whom I’d like to impress — will now have the opportunity to watch me try to open a combination lock multiple times a day.” And the math is bad: an average of four tries per open, times the three times I go into the locker a day, equals nine unsuccessful attempts to open my locker every day (plus three successful). But then I thought, hey, it’s not likely to be as bad as third grade.
My exceptional lack of skill at combination lock-opening was visible from a young age. One day, in second grade, they herded us into the gym, sent the girls into another room, and made us form a line. Each of us boys got a blue shirt, blue shorts, and a combination lock. Then Mr. LaMonica (a distant, and remarkably dyspeptic, relative of the “Raiders’ QB”:http://www.pro-football-reference.com/players/LamoDa00.htm) showed us, just once, how to work the locks, and sent us off to our assigned lockers. Of course, after gym class was over, Mr. LaMonica had to come over and use his special key to open my lock and free my street clothes.
And that was the first day of the same story, over and over again. We’d get out of gym class, head to the locker room, and then I’d struggle and struggle to open my locker while everyone else changed. If I was lucky, I’d be one of the last three or four students to head back to class; if I wasn’t, I’d show up at my homeroom, five minutes late for the next class, still wearing my blue shirt and poofy, elastic-waisted blue shorts. Everyone would stare at me, and my teacher would have to call up the recess teacher, who had a special key that would open my locker.
In retrospect, at least I got to miss a good half of the next class every time this happened. Or, on some days, even more. Like on the day in third grade that Matt and Alex, two more popular — and much bigger — kids dressed slowly, like I did.
Matt always had a bad attitude, and was notable for the very dark circles under his eyes that set off his straight, cornflower-blond hair, as well as for being about a foot taller than everyone else in the class. Alex was shorter and English and had curly white hair — well, so blond that it was nearly white. Both of them owned those Michael Jackson t-shirts, the red ones with the black mesh on them, that I was too scared to ask for (and then, when my parents finally bought me one, that I was too self-conscioius to wear).
Matt didn’t have too many friends, but Alex was a pretty popular kid; I remember, on the last day of fourth grade, Alex told the class that his family was moving back to England, and that he wouldn’t be at school with us in the fall. Then he cried, and all the girls cooed over him while the guys shook his hand goodbye. But I just stayed in my seat; I was happy to see him go.
That day in third grade, I was taking my usual sweet time to get changed. I’d already been behind opening my locker, and I was always a slow dresser too. I was surprised that Matt and Alex were taking so long to dress and thrilled that they were bothering to talk to me. My blue uniform was off and I was sitting on the bench in my street t-shirt and tighty-whities, getting ready to pull on my pants, when they shoved me up against the lockers. Then Alex held me down while Matt punched me in the stomach again and again. I closed my eyes tight and when I opened them my stomach still hurt but Matt and Alex were gone.
I sat there for a moment; I’d never been beaten up before and didn’t know what to do. My locker had been pushed shut during the fight and I didn’t feel like opening it again, so I put my poofy blue shorts back on and walked to my homeroom. When I got there, the teacher asked me why I was dressed so funny, in my street shirt and my gym shorts, and I said “because Matt and Alex beat me up.”
I don’t think that was the answer they expected. I always was a little sell-out.
Now, I think we can all agree that there’s essentially no chance that anybody will beat me up in the Marshall School locker room. But, when I’m on my fifth try at spinning in my combination and the darned thing still won’t open, I sometimes wonder, if getting beat up in the locker room in third grade won’t learn me to open my combination lock quickly, what will?















Baltimore Fells Point Photos

Fells Point is one of the oldest, most beautiful, and most fun parts of “Baltimore”:http://juniorbird.com/archives/001649.php, so of course I had to take pictures when I was there. And, then, provide them to you on this blog, complete with click-to-zoom facility.
!http://juniorbird.smugmug.com/photos/34485052-S.jpg!:http://juniorbird.smugmug.com/gallery/778540/1/34485052
!http://juniorbird.smugmug.com/photos/34485053-S.jpg!:http://juniorbird.smugmug.com/gallery/778540/1/34485053
!http://juniorbird.smugmug.com/photos/34485056-S.jpg!:http://juniorbird.smugmug.com/gallery/778540/1/34485056
!http://juniorbird.smugmug.com/photos/34485058-S.jpg!:http://juniorbird.smugmug.com/gallery/778540/1/34485058
!http://juniorbird.smugmug.com/photos/34485061-S.jpg!:http://juniorbird.smugmug.com/gallery/778540/1/34485061
!http://juniorbird.smugmug.com/photos/34485057-S.jpg!:http://juniorbird.smugmug.com/gallery/778540/1/34485057
!http://juniorbird.smugmug.com/photos/34485064-S.jpg!:http://juniorbird.smugmug.com/gallery/778540/1/34485064
!http://juniorbird.smugmug.com/photos/34485066-S.jpg!:http://juniorbird.smugmug.com/gallery/778540/1/34485066
!http://juniorbird.smugmug.com/photos/34485067-S.jpg!:http://juniorbird.smugmug.com/gallery/778540/1/34485067
!http://juniorbird.smugmug.com/photos/34485068-S.jpg!:http://juniorbird.smugmug.com/gallery/778540/1/34485068















B-School vs. TiVo

It’s always difficult when two important, beloved parts of one’s life conflict. Well, that time has finally come for me. While watching Cold Case, I realized: I should’t let myself fast forward through TV ads anymore. It’s not just fun anymore; now it’s education.
One of my classes this term is Advertising and Promotions Management, which concentrates on planning and balancing the mix between ads, promotions, personal selling, and PR when trying to increase or create sales for a product. The prof has lots of great, practical experience, and I feel like I’m going to get actionable information out of every class.
The problem is, we watch ads critically at the beginning and the end of every class. And I’ve noticed that I’m weaker at my critical review because I haven’t been watching ads for the past year and a half, which means that I lack a basis for comparison.
So that means no more fast-forwarding. Sure, I’ll skip promos, or old ads, or ads I’ve seen a million times, but, from now on, I watch what’s new, be it program or promotion. Hello three ads in an hour for the Ford Freestyle (for some reason, I assume everyone in a Freestyle is going commando. Heck, that’s probably their demo).















Information Density

Overall, I’m inclined to say that the electives this term are of higher quality than many of my courses last year — but one really stands out. Financial Analysis and Valuation is about gaining the skills to dig fairly deep into a corporation’s financial statemtents and use the numbers in these to discover things about the company’s financial health, growth (or shrinking) prospects, and true value.
This course is spectacular; I’ve never been in such an information-dense environment. I live in fear that my attention will wander for even a second, because every sentence that comes out of Professor Linda D’Angelo’s mouth is clear, meaningful, important, actionable, and packed with information. The homework is great, educational but not too heavy, as well. If my poor brain is able to retain even a quarter of what I learn, I’ll have spent my b-school experience well.