« Archives in November, 2005

Thanksgiving

OK, so I’m “stressed out”:http://juniorbird.com/archive/002086.php and I may have “bitten off too much”:http://juniorbird.com/archive/001894.php (with “predictable consequences”:http://juniorbird.com/archive/001977.php). But it’s easy to overlook how much I have to be thankful for. It’s been a good year, and I can’t let the daily distractions (and nips) hide these from me. So what am I thankful for?
* A cuddly bird who loves me
* A nearby Best Buy
* Old friends, available via Instant Messenger
* New friends, from business school
* Family, still in this world
* The act of learning itself
* Cooking
* Eating
* Goat’s milk products
* Tea, especially Sadaf Special Blend and Roastaroma
* Orbit gum
* Lemon pistachios
* Adobe Creative Suite
* iTunes
* Ruckus
* “Color-coding in Outlook”:http://juniorbird.com/archive/000669.php
* Movable Type
* A cool comforter that makes my bedroom look just right
* New gray hooded sweatshirt
* Photography, and the hope of more photography in the future
* Blogging
* Regular colon
* Hope
* Not living in Phoenix
* Incipient peace and brotherhood in various parts of the world
(Please note that this is a partial list.)
What are you thankful for?















No Sleep ‘Til Brooklyn

The timestamp attached to this post is a bit deceptive; I’ve actually been up since 5am. And that’s how my week’s been, folks, with the same story for the week before. It’s not generic “morningsomonia”:http://juniorbird.com/archive/000047.php, and it’s not, remarkably, a generic worry about how much I have to get done. Instead, I’ve woken up early thinking _specific_ thoughts about _specific_ projects, consumed by _specific_ worries about _specific_ deliverables. Which sucks, because, let’s face it, when you wake up at 5am and realize that Godiva Chocolates might be a good comparable for doing a valuation of Peet’s Coffee, there’s nothing that will get that idea out of your head other than logging onto “OneSource”:http://www.onesource.com/ and grabbing Godiva’s financials. And, when you discover that Godiva is really a subsidiary of Campbell’s Soup, well, there’s no getting back to sleep.
I’ll admit, I thought I had gotten rid of this problem by following the cult of “Getting Things Done”:http://www.amazon.com/gp/product/0142000280/104-3431047-1819920?v=glance&n=283155&v=glance. Following the simple and clear advice in this book, I’ve reduced the administrativa to reflex and habit, leaving my mind time to churn itself about on topics of real importance or involving real creativity, rather than remembering what meetings I have today. I can only imagine that this strategy has backfired and that my brain has been so freed of dealing with everyday cares that now I can actually think the big ideas that will keep me up at night. Or, in this case, wake me up in the morning.
It’s probably the stress, too. My feasibility project took over my life, as it did everyone’s life in our class, then we missed the bonus points early-turn-in date and got to (had to?) work on it another week, trying desperately to get the extra points back. We turned in the project on Tuesday and I was still amped Wednesday thinking about it. Then there’s the Advertisng and Promotions Management presentation on Monday, on a paper that doesn’t yet exist and which is due Wednesday, competing with the large, research-heavy Valuations project (involving Peet’s, mentioned above) due Thursday, and also with the presentation on the Feasibility report on Wednesday. Plus, you know, the credit card company expects to be paid and all, and it’s time to change Junior’s cage.
So there’s a lot of ideas to think about here. Now I just need to figure out how to not think about them. Shut up, brain, and go back to sleep!















Suggestions In/Suggestions Out

Some time ago, I “asked you all to suggest some TV shows I might watch”:http://juniorbird.com/archive/001863.php. Y’all done good. I thought I’d return the favor with some brief feedback on your suggestions, and ask you for a few more suggestions.
First the suggestion request: I need new music. They’ve got this crazy thing at school called “Ruckus”:http://ruckus.com/, which is free or cheap or something, which gives me subscription music. Well, I’ve fooled with it some and it seems like it may either be awful or mediocre, but, hey it’s either free or cheap and I need new music. And the selection, while not large, is not small either.
So, back to the point: I need new music. What should I try out? I like me some punk rock but let’s just make it clear right now that Green Day is not a punk rock band. I can groove to those Texas blues, especially lately. And I’ve been really intrigued by alt-country, it’s so much better than the crap on the radio. Any suggestions in those genres? Or favorites I should just try out?
OK, now for the promised TV shows. You recommended:
*My Name Is Earl:* Funny! Despite the simple premise, new every week. Jason Lee not nearly as cloyingly self-superior as in _Mallrats_.
*Bones:* Unspeakably awful. How many cliched characters, lines, and plot devices can they use at once? More than you thought possible. Should be easy to produce, however, assuming that the total lack of originality comes from (or leads too) a small creative staff.
*Nip/Tuck:* TiVo is unable to figure out when to record this for me.
*Rescue Me:* This does not even appear in my TiVo guide. What’s going on?
*Law and Order:* I know I’ve missed years of these but, thanks to TiVo and TNT, I can catch up. Don’t know why I didn’t get into these earlier, what a great franchise!
*CSI:NY:* After CSI:Miami dumped all pretense of realism (granted, it was a small pretense to start with), and brought in David Causo as a self-satisfied redhead who needs to be smacked around some, I gave up on new CSIs. CSI:NY works, however, with a good line-up of actors (but, again, and unlike CSI, an unspeakably perfect lead character).
*Everybody Hates Chris:* This is far and away the best new comedy I’ve seen since the first season of Family Guy. Maybe better than Family Guy, actually. The characters are perfect, the actors are perfect (shockingly, the child actors are neither annoying nor unable to properly deliver a line), the scripts are perfect, and the sets are perfect. If you’re missing this show, you’re missing the best new program on television and you’re missing non-stop laughs.
*American Dad:* Growing on me. Better than most of the alternatives.
So, thanks for your last suggestions; what’ve you got for me in music?















Dear Person Who Stole My Trash Can Again

Thanks for taking my trash can from directly in front of my house. It sure was unsightly, especially since it was black and my house is white; the contrast was just awful. Thank goodness it’s gone now! If only I just had some place to put my trash, my kitchen garbage is sure getting full!
Now, “last year when you took my trash can”:http://juniorbird.com/archive/000970.php you took it from in front of my driveway, which I can understand; it sure must be tempting seeing a trash can just sitting out there (although I’m not sure why you chose mine out of all of those out for trash day). This year, however, you actually took the can from in front of my house — ignoring the neighbor’s can sitting out at the end of the alley. I’m not quite sure what made my can more attractive, but, hey, I realize that, if you’re going to do it, you’ve got to get the good stuff. No point in going halfway.
I am still confused as to what the particular attraction of a stolen trash can is. Most houses can get one or two for free; extra ones are just a one-time flat fee. Can you really provide a stolen can for a price much cheaper than a legitimate can? Won’t the trash company realize that there’s an illicit extra can in front of the property?
Or maybe not! Maybe there’s some phone number on some telephone pole somewhere that I’ve missed advertising “cheap trash cans.” Maybe there’s a large, illict market for illicit trash cans in Beverly Hills so that the rich people don’t need to show restraint in throwing out their trash? Is there a unmet demand in South LA, where the trash people won’t go to leave new trash cans off, so they need the stolen cans? I mean, I know it’s not my neighbors, because they have dumpsters — or, maybe, does a hot can make people feel special, like homeowners, or, at least, residents of smaller apartments?
Either way, I called up the DWP and I’m getting a new free can on Monday. But I’ll wonder, every time I look at my new can, where my old one is, and how I can get into this happening stolen trash can market, because I’m a born businessman, yo, and I want in.















Butter-Related Guilt

I won again this week; my masala chicken was spicy and flavorful and had a spectacular sauce. Ahh, that was a fine sauce. But there was one problem: The sauce was made with cream.
I cook with low fat. I cook with low salt. Or, that’s my self-image, anyway. But I am also competitive. I like to win and I will do what I can — within the rules, within the bounds of ethics — to win. And, lately, that’s meant butter and cream and salt. These wondrous foods, these incredible components of classic cuisine, these are my secret weapons in my quest to dominate the dinner competition. My sauces are creamier and thicker, my starches smooth and delicious, my flavors piquant and vivid. My food is good, dammit, and I know why Escoffier included these across-the-board in his foods and recipes.
But I feel some guilt too. It’s great to have tasty food, but I definitely do not want to die at 54 from tasty food (and a heart attack). And I know my competition cooks healthy, so I worry that I’m slipping one past them on their diet (although how much can two bites hurt them?). Maybe I have a bit to learn about making smooth, rich purees, silky sauces, and flavorful meats using other tricks. But, until then, I’m going to win, dammit, and make ol’ “Georges Auguste”:http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Georges_Escoffier proud.















1-800-Autopsy

Did you know that less than 2% of the people who die in hospitals are autopsied? That the autopsy rate has been dropping for the last 40 years? That all of this could somehow end up making somebody money? Me neither! But that’s who we met in class today, East LA’s own Vidal Herrera, former CSI, autopsy tech, and founder of 1-800-Autopsy.
Vidal’s story is inspiring. He was born in East LA and grew up in hard circumstances, working all through junior high and high school. He learned to work hard, but had trouble with school, and dropped out briefly before returning to finisn High School. Because two of his family members were killed in Vietnam, he wasn’t drafted when he turned old enough in 1969. Instead, he was headed to UCLA to play football when he was injured in a munitions factory accident in Vernon; UCLA took away his scholarship. He started college elsewhere, but needed money to get along; he found it helping out in the county morgue, where he learned to conduct autopsies.
Working hard, Vidal was able to turn this experience into a job as a CSI. He worked happily at this until 1984 when, turning the body of a large woman who had committed suicide, he hurt his back. Doctors told him he’d probably never walk again, and he was confined to a wheelchair for four years. Disability paid him, sure, but he wanted to work; unfortunately, nobody would hire a man who couldn’t walk or stand for more than 15 minutes. But he found a job teaching first-year residents how to do an autopsy; he’d sit in a chair and have them do all the work.
Soon, he found that he could use a small stool, or even a 2-gallon milk jug, to support his chest as he worked at his second job, cleaning up crime scenes. Soon, he was working at other hospitals, too, and was getting referrals from funeral directors.
But people saw his East LA address and ran away, so Vidal got himself a PO Box in Brentwood and called it a “suite.” Then he read in Forbes about how 800 numbers were the next big thing so he picked up 1-800-Autopsy. Then he thought, hey, what good is a number if nobody knows it? So he bought a van and painted his 800 number on the side, and within 30 minutes an LA Times reporter had called him.
Vidal’s business was growing, but he got close to UCLA again — always a mistake — and was caught up in the cadaver theft scandal there. While he was in fact one of those to initially discover and report the thefts, it was a time filled with accusations, and it took Herrera four years to clear himself. During that time he had to put off plans to franchise his company, but he came back with a plan to move into a large location in the city of Tujunga. After years of a complex build-out, and just weeks from opening, Tujunga pulled his building permit and he was unable to use the space for autopsies. All appeared lost, until a rock band asked him to use the space as a set for a music video. Then he found how much TV and movies needed a full-dressed morgue set, and started renting out his space; it’s now used in all sorts of top TV shows. This turned into “morgueproprentals”:http://morgueproprentals.com and is quite successful.
Vidal has received offers of up to $24 million for his company, but he refuses to sell, because he feels it’s so important for him to be an example within the Latino community of a hard-working success. And, also, because he loves what he does and, as he said, “very early on in life I learned one rule, fuck ‘em all, you have to do what you want to do.”
However, this took Vidal away from his main focus, autopsies. Vidal now has three techs and six doctors, and rarely assists with autopsies himself. He’s looking into franchising again, but his biggest hope is to graduate from college while his mother’s still around.
Oh, and he just started 1-800-Tamales, a company which sends tamales packaged in miniature coffins as Christmas gifts for funeral directors, doctors, and lawyers. They come packaged with candies shaped like body parts. So, now, if you’re looking for a gift that stands out, you know where to go!















Dear System Administrator

Thank you for capping my mailbox size at 45 megabytes. I very much appreciate the periodic message telling me that I’ve used up all of my space and can neither send nor receive any messages. I particularly appreciate how you bounce back any mail sent to me, returning it to the sender with a cryptic error message.
Certainly, it’s an excellent idea, in this world in which storage costs about $1 per megabyte, to restrict the total storage of an individual paying upwards of $100,000 for an advanced degree, to $45. That ensures a highly profitable operation, something we all want. Goodness knows you wouldn’t want to give us, say, another $55 of storage, that would just be crazy. It’s tremendously important to make economies in places like this and, say, the microscopic-sized keyboards, the ones that nobody can touch-type on ’cause the keys ae so small, that you have in all of the computer stations in the meeting rooms.
It’s also great that you achieve efficiencies by offloading the task of managing hard drive space, which you could handle by having a junior guy slap a new hard drive into your storage array, at $1/megabyte and $20/hour, solving storage problems for everyone by slapping in a 350GB disk. No, instead you cleverly pass the task of managing storage on to me and all of my classmates, so that 490 full-time students, and who knows how many part-time students, can spend time every week deciding which mail they should throw away, rather than storing potentially useful information for later, or, worse, doing work or otherwise contributing to the Marshall community.
In sum, dearest System Administrator, I really appreciate the system that you use to allocate storage space on your IMAP servers and I can’t wait to get my next special “Your mailbox is over its size limit” message from you.
Best,
Wade