Before we had this baby, everyone warned me that the lack of sleep would be my most formidable challenge. Although I’m writing this at a quarter of two in the morning, this has remarkably not been true so far. The baby’s a good enough sleeper, at least when he’s not covered in his own waste. In fact, it’s that part that has been my biggest challenge in fatherhood so far.
(Granted, fatherhood so far is a smidge over a week. But I’m sure we’re past all the hard stuff by now, smooth sailing from here!)
My biggest problem is managing not to sit those diapers low on Declan’s hips, setting them up not as a powerful barrier to wetness but as a paper funnel leading pee and poop right up my son’s back as he sleeps. I’ve got that funnel thing down, actually, earning me lots of quick diaper changes and extra laundry duty.
Now, it could be that I’m channeling my inner Phil Dunphy, but, no, I blame my nemesis, the sleep gown:
Look, it’s cute! And it’s so clever, it’s got a tight part at the top and one at the bottom! I guess so that baby can’t slither out through the back door? Anyway, that’s two parts that I have to delicately slip over a ever-so-dubiously-placed diaper. Thanks, fashion industry!
Somehow, I’ll overcome. I mean, baby will be potty trained in no time, right? Right?
Oh, damn, I guess I do actually have to fix my diapering!