Published May 1, 2005

At first, I thought that the all-hours late-’70s arena rock and hair metal was, well, eccentric but amusing. I mean, who really ever gets enough Boston? And a little Styx, now and then, is okay.

It did go a little over the top on weekends, however, when you’d crank up the Led Zeppelin. Now, I appreciate Zepp’s blues-charged rock as much as many other people out there (although I do prefer the rock-tinged blues of, say, an Albert Collins or Stevie Ray Vaughan), but the volume at which you chose to listen to Messrs. Plant and Page was, perhaps, a bit excessive.

So, you’ll understand if I wasn’t too put out when you moderated your musical indulgences. However, your choice to replace music with AOL Instant Messenger was a surprise — not least because you apparently hooked your computer up to the very same speakers you used for Zepp. Believe me when I say that, thanks to what you shared with me, I’ve learned that you haven’t really appreciated AIM unless you’ve heard the “new message” sound that it makes pumped out of speakers that go up to eleven. For every single message. Of a 30-minute conversation.

I just wanted to tell you how very, very glad I am that you finally gave up AIM. You’re right to take back your life from the Internet, and try to find friends IRL. I just wish you hadn’t chosen to communicate with those friends over your Nextel push-to-talk phone, with its distinctive, signature “communication complete” beep. Although, I am impressed that you must have so many hundreds of free minutes every month to talk so incessantly. I must ask that you either:

  1. Get an ordinary cell phone so I don’t hear those beeps anymore.
  2. Speak up so I can at least hear the juicy bits of your conversation too.

Thank you for your attention to this matter.