Published Apr 28, 2007
So, this weekend was my 10-year college reunion. I was all pumped to go, despite a very long and exhausting week, so that I could show everyone what a big success I am. But then, in my role as a LA Fire Department Rescue Jumper, while bungee-jumping from a helicopter in order to rescue a kitten from onrushing floodwaters, I threw out my back. So, instead, I’ve spent the weekend in my most orthopedically-correct chair.
OK, that’s kind of mostly a lie. Not the reunion part, because that was definitely scheduled, and not the sitting on a chair part, because that has definitely been what’s happened. No, the lies are all in the middle of the paragraph above. First of all, I was not pumped to go, because I am not1 a success. Second of all, I actually screwed up my back washing my hair. Which is not as cool as being a rescue jumper.
OK, there was a little lie in that last paragraph too. I didn’t actually screw up my back washing my hair; I didn’t get to the washing part. I had the shampoo in my hands and when I touched my head — no more forcefully than usual, may I say, and I’m not a big fan of hitting myself upside the head just to get the Head & Shoulders to my scalp more effectively — I felt something awful happen in the upper middle part of my back. It felt like the three or four vertebrae right there bent outwards while everything else stayed where it was. Then the muscles on the left side of my spine right there got enormously sore, and not even the massaging shower head could un-knot them.2
Poor Junior really wanted him a shower too, but I was just in too much pain to let him have that fun. So I got out of the shower, laid down on my bed, felt sorry for myself for a couple of minutes, and then called up the AIG, who’s at a family event back East, and bitched to her for a while.
While speaking to her it became clear to me that I couldn’t turn my head more than a couple of degrees to the left. That makes it rather unsafe to drive.3 So I canceled yesterday’s trip out to Claremont for my reunion. And, when I woke up this morning and had no more than 15 degrees of neck-turning to the left, I canceled today’s trip too. Sorry, people who I hung out with regularly for four years ten years ago.
What’s really scary is that back injuries are catching, and you can catch them from reading a blog. I caught mine from my good friend Christie, who also missed this reunion because of her back. Will you catch a back injury from me? Be careful out there!
1 yet
2 Or ice packs, or Icy Hot patches, or Advil.
3 Especially for the poor suckers driving in my blind spot.
Don’t be so hard on yourself! It wasn’t bitching. Gentle whimpering, maybe, but not bitching.