Published Sep 18, 2008
Michael Cera’s character runs cross-country; he’s counting on his coach to get him a college scholarship. It’s a good thing that his coach is having a big recruiting day for all the area cross-country standouts on Thursday — all the college scouts will be watching! Or at least that’s what Mikey1 thinks, the coach is actually a charlatan. With that great slack-jawed look that Cera can do, Mikey discovers that he needs to fill the event with some kind of ringers, or the scouts will be pissed off and not give him a chance.
So Mikey recruits all the losers from the high school, fat curly-haired blond kid, little tiny Asian kid, big-toothed Jewish kid — all the teen movie stereotypes. And he even sews them uniforms, so that it looks like the area schools are represented at the recruiting day. And it goes great! Mikey runs well, and looks even better in comparison. Especially when the tiny Asian kid trips and falls face-first in the mud near the finish.2
Walking back to the locker room from the cross-country course, Mikey meets the new student, punk-rock Zoe, played by Ellen Page in a tartan miniskirt, combat boots, and lots of eye makeup. Again with the slack-jawed Cera look. They end up sitting underneath the fire escape — Mikey with mud streaked all over his legs and short cross-country shorts from the rainy, muddy course — while he tells her his dreams. AP History. Calculus. A+. College. She says: how about some fun! Then they kiss.
Days later, she’s taken him bowling. Same tartan miniskirt, more chains, especially on her leather jacket. She works at the bowling alley, it’s late, the place is closed, she sneaks him in. He babbles about bowling; she kisses him. She goes to get beers, while Mikey bowls; she comes back, beerless, naked, stands in the middle of the lane, tells him to get naked too. He does;3 Zoe takes his virginity on the waxed wood of the lane.
The next day he gets the news. Southern Arkansas wants him.4 Mikey asks Zoe where she’s going — she’s staying. She’ll graduate but her grades are no good, maybe she’ll work at a coffeeshop or clothing store. “Oh, but should I stay?” asks Mikey. “No,” Zoe says, “go get ‘em.” So school ends, and off goes Mikey, to have fun at college!
1 My dream didn’t bother to name the character, so we’ll go with Mikey
2 In slow-mo
3 I think, does he get naked in every movie? Do I have to see his junk again? But I think I was just confusing him with Chris Cooley’s big nude scene.
4 Which character do I identify with? Maybe the one who’s recruited for cross-country to the same school that looked into me?