Just Call Me the Battleship Maine
Nov 2, 2011 in Dreams
I don’t think I’ve ever started a war in my dreams before… but there’s always a first. See, me and my friends, while we were just ten or eleven or… Read on…
I traveled to North Korea on some state-sponsored tour, and got to meet Kim
Aug 3, 2011 in Dreams
Weird dream last night: I traveled to North Korea on some state-sponsored tour, and got to meet Kim Jong Il. He was actually a real nice guy! Later, I put… Read on…
High-Stakes Quickfire Challenge
Sep 20, 2009 in Dreams
The Top Chef of your dreams may involve outrageous ingredients, inspired chefs, and aggressive, coolly-confident characters; mine apparently involves chefs marooned in space. In my dream Top Chef, the contestants, Tom Colicchio, Padma Lakshmi, and me, were all sent out to a far-away planet, along with a shipful of miners and farmers and builders, to establish a new colony (Gail Simmons had her own ship and went back to Earth between episodes). The winning chef would be the head chef at a brand-new luxury resort on a distant continent; the losing chefs would all be sent off, together, to colonize another planet. Read on…
Boy, Seth Rogen's in a Lot Lately!
Apr 13, 2009 in Dreams
My gig was watching Jonah Hill. From a distance, that is; I was in hidden surveillance. He hung out at an intersection in the city, with a brownstone at one corner, an art deco skyscraper at the next, a small copse of bamboo — in which I’d encamped myself — opposite from the brownstone, and a white brick industrial building at the other. At the bottom floor of the skyscraper were the comic book store and sub shop Jonah liked to hang out at. He was talking to Seth Rogen, who stood on a black metal balcony on the second floor o the white brick industrial building. I couldn’t hear them but I could see the laughs. I could also see Seth startle, stand straight up, and point as the four ninjas swooped out of the shadows and snatched poor Jonah. Read on…
Whipping Gretzky
Feb 24, 2009 in Dreams
We were playing a three-way game of hockey — us, the Finnish national team, and the Swedish national team, that is. With only two ends to the ice, we’d switch one team out when enough goals were scored against them. Except those darned Swedes never seemed to get scored on — they had their strategy down, and Wayne Gretzky in goal. Read on…
Starring Michael Cera and Ellen Page
Sep 18, 2008 in Dreams
Michael Cera’s character runs cross-country; he’s counting on his coach to get him a college scholarship. It’s a good thing that his coach is having a big recruiting day for all the area cross-country standouts on Thursday — all the college scouts will be watching! Or at least that’s what Mikey1 thinks, the coach is actually a charlatan. With that great slack-jawed look that Cera can do, Mikey discovers that he needs to fill the event with some kind of ringers, or the scouts will be pissed off and not give him a chance. Read on…
Best Renew The Library Books
Mar 31, 2008 in Dreams
Waiting in line to check out my new book, I realized I’d forgotten to bring back the overdue book that I owed. Checking in my pocket, I only had a few Mexican coins — two large five-peso coins, a small three-peso coin, two tiny two-peso coins, and a medum-sized one peso coin. She’d take them.
Read on…
And This Just In: Generalissimo Francisco Franco is Still Dead
Mar 12, 2008 in Dreams
We — that is, myself, the various madly-retreating Spanish Nationalist troops with which I was traveling, and Generalissimo Francisco Franco — were trudging through a lightly-forested area of gently rolling and quite verdant hills. The sky was clear and the sun bright, but we didn’t expect the three Republican fighters that appeared in the distance, charging towards us. Read on…
Orage
Dec 22, 2007 in Dreams, Otherwise Uncategorized
The night Rick died, his ex called me in the middle of the night to tell me. But her voicemail was unintelligible; and I was already up. I’d been up for an hour, and I’d spent that whole time in terror. Because I was sure he was coming to get me.
Read on…
Like a Drowned Cat
Dec 14, 2006 in Dreams, True Life Stories
My third cat, Percy, we got from a farm in Western Maryland when I was in 7th grade. Out of a barn or not, Percy looked like an Abyssinan with the coat of a Russian Blue. When we first got him, I held Percy on my lap as we drove him home; he sat bolt upright and peered out the window for the whole trip. About 20 minutes in, he peed on me, the good, solid, sustained pee that comes from holding it in for a while and then finally letting go when you need to. Read on…
Intergalactic Colonization
Aug 18, 2005 in Dreams
Humans had gone to the stars, filled with hope, and colonized one planet, many light-years away from Earth. But, as we entered the universe, we made enemies, and one of these enemies attacked earth and rendered it uninhabitable. Read on…
All The President's Scandals
Jun 12, 2005 in Dreams
While on the campaign trail, I thought I would take a break and see an old friend for dinner. My car drove me and my chief of staff along the 1, up the curves of the coast, to a restaurant on the top of a small rise overlooking the Pacific. Inside, we ate a grand gourmet repast. Read on…
This Dream Would Make More Sense If I Watched More TV
Nov 25, 2004 in Dreams
I am on the starship Enterprise, from the Next Generation TV show (a fine show, even if certain people think it’s boring). We find a spaceship (is it an alternative… Read on…
Cowboy Revenge
Jun 29, 2004 in Dreams
Four rustlers shot my brother, so I had to track them through the dusty southwest to exact my revenge; in parallel, a posse rode after the rustlers to catch and… Read on…
Bad Driver
May 8, 2004 in Dreams
The dream started out in the hardware store. I don’t remember anything about what I shopped for, because the important part came after I left the store and went to… Read on…
The Passion of the Dream
Apr 22, 2004 in Dreams
Somehow, I’ve managed to miss everybody’s favorite new movie, The Passion of the Christ. I actually considered seeing it over the weekend, but, instead, I ended up seeing “Goodbye Lenin”…. Read on…
Doctor's Office
Dec 2, 2003 in Dreams
I had to make a visit to the doctor’s office, so I climbed the stairs to the fourth floor of the building. I’d been to this office before, and I… Read on…
Am I Evil?
Sep 9, 2003 in Dreams
My family was out of the house, and, as a young teenager, I wanted to be a bad boy. So I peed in the tub. In dreams, peeing in the… Read on…
Morningsomnia
Jul 19, 2003 in Dreams
For the past week or so, I’ve been waking up — regardless of what time I go to sleep — at sometime between 5 and 6 am. I’m tired, but… Read on…
Picking Up My Girlfriend
Jul 10, 2003 in Dreams
It’s a beautiful sunny afternoon and I’m walking through a public park. On one side of me is a golf course; on both sides, the grass is green in that… Read on…
Ghost World
Jul 8, 2003 in Dreams
So, as prologue, the house I grew up in was haunted (probably more on that later). One of the loci of supernormal behavior was a large room on the third… Read on…
I Musta Slept On It Funny Or Something...
May 31, 2003 in Dreams
I had the weridest dream last night! Unexpected, new dream too. I was in a college (but I wasn’t in college, see? It wasn’t my college. Maybe I came back… Read on…