Published Jun 2, 2006
Travel, of course, brings out the best in other people. Some of our most notable fellow travelers are the people who recline their seats all the way even though they’re seated in Economy Class. I’d like to pass on a big shout-out to all those worthies, because they’re super-special. Yes, you. You! You’re super-special. Yes you are!
Now, I’m not talking about the kind of person who puts their seat back an inch or two, for comfort. No, I’m talking about the real space-hog, the type who cranks it all the way back, even though their seat now occupies 100% of the legroom in the aisle behind them. Those are the truly super-special. In fact, they’re so super-special that they come in a few distinctive and scrumptious flavors:
The Bangers
The bangers cause a little earthquake (planequake?) as they recline their seat at the maximum possible speed; they push down that button, lean back HARD, and bang, down they go to full extension. If you’re lucky, you don’t have a drink on your tray table; if you’re unlucky, that drink is now all over your tray table.
The See-Saws
They recline; they sit up; then they do it all over again. These characters suck because they both take away all of your space and give you the hope that you might yet occupy all of your $20-a-cubic-foot space. The see-saw is a true soul-crusher.
The Glarers
The glarer reclines their seat as soon as the captain turns off the fasten seat belt sign; then glares at you when you put your hand on the top of their seat to stand up so that the person in the window seat can get by to use the restroom. It doesn’t occur to them for a moment that, if you don’t brace yourself on their seat, you’ll never stand up, because their seat in fact occludes all of the standing room for your aisle; without such a brace, you’d actually have to stand up and lean backwards from your ankles, a challenge for most anyone. Instead, this worthy resents having their seat momentarily disturbed. The most selfish of all Economy Class travelers, the Glarer is a good match for the Dragon or Snake but should avoid the Rabbit and the Ram.
The Pillow-Droppers
The pillow droppers recline, fall asleep, and then, as they thrash back and forth, their pillow falls onto your lap. I include this category only because I once did exactly this. And that, boys and girls, is why my seat stays upright.
The Stubborn
The stubborn reclines their seat immediately upon sitting down, promises the flight attendant that they’ll put it upright before takeoff, then has to be asked twice to do just that. The dance is repeated before landing; their preferred tactic is to pretend that they don’t know their seat has been reclined. “Who, me?” say their eyes as they look quizically at the flight attendant. The stubborn never gets laid, so this game is their only possible outlet.
Me, on this trip I’m playing the part of Stupid Flier Who Brought Hardback Book on the Plane Because he Just Couldn’t Put It Down, but that’s a story for another time.
Behavior while on a crowded jet definitely ranks in my top 10 ways for quickly figuring out a person’s true personality.
Another is how they are in traffic — not their driving skill, but do they they let people in? Are they aware of drivers behind them (and thus, not only concerned with their own little world)? Do they get their ass out of the passing lane when they aren’t actively passing someone?
Of course, there is the old standby of how they treat a waitress/waitor/cashier. I am probably too obssessive with my “thank you’s” but dang, those people who never say please/thank you or never make eye contact… and always put their requests in the form of a declarative rather than a request… ugh.
Hah, funny you mention the waitress thing. I’m usually pretty polite, but sometimes I say something I totally don’t mean. In one case, my water was getting low and I was eating a spicy dish. The waitress asked me if she should get me some more water. I thought to myself, “Yeah, I better have some more water.” What came out was, “Yeah, you better.”
I felt horrible for days.