Published Nov 25, 2007

I’m a dangerous man; I live under an alias. Or, technically, I live under a misspelling that the DMV inserted into my middle name when I got a California driver’s license back in ‘93. Did you ever check your license to see if your name was spelled right? Well, were I to have a police record, mine would have an AKA on it! That’s right, I’m officially one of those rugged, sexy bad boys now!

Fortunately, I’m dating a dangerous woman. The AIG once had a passport with her birthdate printed wrong on it — she was listed as 6 months older than she actually was. Rebel that she is, the AIG used this passport to… get a real job when she was only 15 1/2. Now that’s pushing the envelope.

We discovered all this when I was reporting a small theft at the local police station. Some might say that the real evidence that I’m a dark and brooding miscreant is that I’ve been to the station enough that I know the way there by heart. To all those people, I say: watch out! I might just be bringing my kind of bad to your side of town!


I so beat you on that. I actually live under an assumed name.

You, sir, are our criminal mastermind overlord!