There's No Place Like Homepage For The Holidays
Dec 13, 2009 in Otherwise Uncategorized
Two years ago I introduced the Juniorbird.com t-shirts; they're back this year, the same classic designs on new, great shirt options, for your last-minute holiday shopping needs. That's right, if you like the somewhat-snappy textual stylings you've seen here on Juniorbird.com, you can now carry them with you all day long, on your chest, where all one's opinions and feelings should be worn. (It's better than on your sleeve.) Read on... (plus 1 Comments)
Official 2009 Holiday Kitchen Buyer's Guide
Dec 3, 2009 in Food, Otherwise Uncategorized
I like to cook. You may have read. Any chef loves their gadgets, and, being a geek, I do so more than most. While I do tend to think that the solution to almost any problem is technology, I don't like to keep things around that don't really, really work. Since it's the holiday season, and that means getting stuff for both of the major world religions of which I am a member, here are a few such gadgets I suggest you put on your wish list this year. For your online shopping convenience, I've included links to buy all these goodies at Amazon, which incidentally gives a smidge of the price of your purchase to me, at no cost to you. I've also tried to pick reasonably-priced entry-level options, for particular holiday season. Read on... (plus 2 Comments)
The Only Problem With Not Having a Land Line is Knowing What Number to Give at the Grocery
Nov 8, 2009 in Otherwise Uncategorized
Now that I live in a blended household, I find myself using our phone number at checkout counters to save the few percent that some loyalty program gives. In the old days, this would've been an easy job: type our happy home's phone number into that swipe-your-credit-card-and-sign pad and we're done. But, like the modern kids we are, we're cell phone-only and our happy is phone number-free. Read on...
The One-Man Tivo
Jun 26, 2009 in Otherwise Uncategorized
Have you noticed how many shows Gordon Ramsay has these days? For weeks at a time it seems like we watch nothing but his shows: Kitchen Nightmares, Kitchen Nightmares UK, Hell's Kitchen, you know the story. The thing is: they're all good. Gordon Ramsay makes for good TV! And now he's got a new show (well, new in the US): The F Word, and I seem to be watching that one every night too. Read on...
Two Engaged People and a Cup
Jun 24, 2009 in Otherwise Uncategorized
So this wedding thing has been pretty much a full-time job. Ceremony, reception, DJ, flowers, dress, tux -- the list goes on and on. There's so much to get done, we haven't even gotten to pick where we're going for our honeymoon. Fortunately, we got one important thing done: we've set up our registry. Read on...
Clarifying a Photo From The Past
Apr 29, 2009 in Otherwise Uncategorized, Photos
Last year, there was a small confusion about a photo published on this site. In particular, a regular reader thought that a ring previously displayed on DJ L'il Bit's hand was an engagement ring -- a reasonable enough thought, since it's a pretty ring, but I wouldn't buy her a $35 ring from Overstock.com for that purpose. I thought that was worth clarifying, especially since... well, I'll let the photo here speak for itself: Read on... (plus 2 Comments)
Belated Resolutions
Jan 25, 2009 in Otherwise Uncategorized
So, I'm a little behind this year -- usually I have my resolutions up in the first week of the year or so. Frankly, one of my problems lately has been commitment to blogging, and I was slow getting to this post because of that. Well, I bet that shows up on my resolutions! So, on to the usual format. Read on... (plus 3 Comments)
Down the Up Staircase
Mar 15, 2008 in Otherwise Uncategorized
Had a nice service for my friend Rick earlier today. Driving home, I came out of the strip mall flats of Inglewood and through the tangle of I-405 on-ramps and suddenly the sky was bright and a bank of cotton candy-fluffy white clouds sat just to my west, halfway to the ocean. Read on... (plus 1 Comments)
Another Year, Another Resolution
Jan 4, 2008 in Otherwise Uncategorized
I really do like the tradition of New Year's resolutions. Heck, I like it enough I've done it four years in a row now Life presents us with many daily challenges and, let's face it, keeps most of us busy. Making resolutions around now can really help get the old head above the trees, to see the forest. I could use that, especially after the last year. So, in the ol' Juniorbird tradition, here's last year's resolutions reviewed and some new ones for 2008. Read on... (plus 1 Comments)
Let's A-Wassail!
Dec 23, 2007 in Otherwise Uncategorized
Earlier today, as I was shopping in the HEB with my parents, I found myself overcome with the season. Well, not so much with the season as with the music. I've been without my music since I came to Houston, although, technically, that's only because I'm too stubborn to listen to Pandora without my good speakers plugged in. Anyway, the carols playing over the HEB's PA system put a smile on my face, and suddenly I was singing along. Read on... (plus 1 Comments)
Orage
Dec 22, 2007 in Dreams, Otherwise Uncategorized
The night Rick died, his ex called me in the middle of the night to tell me. But her voicemail was unintelligible; and I was already up. I'd been up for an hour, and I'd spent that whole time in terror. Because I was sure he was coming to get me.
Read on... (plus 3 Comments)
Jamie Lynn Spears is Pregnant
Dec 19, 2007 in Otherwise Uncategorized
Can you believe that both Britney and her sister have managed to have unplanned kids? Can you believe that Brit's mom was going to write a book on how to raise a celeb family? Read on... (plus 14 Comments)
Livin' on the Edge
Nov 25, 2007 in Otherwise Uncategorized
I'm a dangerous man; I live under an alias. Or, technically, I live under a misspelling that the DMV inserted into my middle name when I got a California driver's license back in '93. Did you ever check your license to see if your name was spelled right? Well, were I to have a police record, mine would have an AKA on it! That's right, I'm officially one of those rugged, sexy bad boys now! Read on... (plus 2 Comments)
For Your Holiday Consideration
Nov 16, 2007 in Otherwise Uncategorized
Merry Christmas. Happy Hanukkah. Joyous Kwanzaa. Whatever your holiday, we at Juniorbird.com want to share it with you. That's why this year, for the first time, I'm proud, very proud, to announce the official Juniorbird.com t-shirts. These beautiful shirts let you take all of the fun of Juniorbird.com with you, wherever you go. So, please, invite us into your homes this holiday season, and share us with your family.
Read on... (plus 1 Comments)
The Smell, or Something of Fear
Oct 23, 2007 in Otherwise Uncategorized
The AIG and I went to a Haunted House last weekend. It was kind of a lark -- we were having a night on the town, walking down the street, and there was an empty ticket line for a haunted house. Seemed rather season-appropriate, so we went in. And then the AIG shivered in anticipated fear as we made our way to the head of the line to get in, and screamed her way through the (admittedly very well-done) haunted house. Read on...
Sanford and Me
Sep 26, 2007 in Otherwise Uncategorized
I had to move the trash to leave the house the other morning. Not my trash; I may occasionally put up with a bit more mess around the house than I should, but fundamentally I'm a guy who color-codes and labels everything. No, it's my neighbor, My little alley has turned into a caricature straight out of Sanford and Son. Read on... (plus 1 Comments)
Is it That Time of Year Again?
Sep 18, 2007 in Otherwise Uncategorized
It may be just that nature is teasing me -- as I probably deserve -- but it seems as if the weather's changing the last few days. The I-wish-I-had-an-air-conditioner season is hopefully passing into the part of the year that makes friends from back east wax poetic about LA. Summer is lovely -- and I even enjoyed the beach this year -- but nothing says comfy like needing a throw blanket to go with your couch. Read on... (plus 1 Comments)
Representin'
Aug 11, 2007 in Otherwise Uncategorized
For some reason, very few things make a home look bad to me as a fridge whose light has burnt out. To me, it says "I just don't care about having a pleasant, maintained place to live." I mean, you go into the fridge several times every day, right? So it's not like you can avoid noticing it.
Of course, with an attitude like that, my fridge light would burn out. For the last week, I've had a nice, ghetto kitchen with a darkened fridge. Très Palms. Read on... (plus 2 Comments)
We Hold These Truths to be Self-Evident, That Things Should Go Boom in the Sky Every 4th of July
Jul 5, 2007 in Otherwise Uncategorized, Photos
I don't really have an entry here; I just schlepped my camera along with me as I enjoyed my fourth of July, and I thought I'd share it with you all. Now, some might say that I should've schlepped a tripod, too, what with the night pictures of fireworks and all, but those people would be spending waaay too much time thinking ahead and waaay too little time getting out of the house. OK, normally that's me, but for once I thought I'd just go for it.
Read on...
Attack of the Lightbulbs
Jun 28, 2007 in Otherwise Uncategorized
About a month ago, my desk lamp in my office quit working. I figured it burnt out, so I changed the lightbulb, but there was no more light with the new bulb than with the old. Sadly, I classified my '50s-style lamp as dead. Then, today, the light in my kitchen went out. I replaced the bulb but: nothing. So I washed the dishes in the dark, and vowed to call the landlord tomorrow, when he was in the office. Read on... (plus 2 Comments)
Radio Free Palms
May 19, 2007 in Otherwise Uncategorized
The rest of you are not lucky enough to have personalized radio that plays just for you. That's a pity, because good 'ol over-the-air radio is going away, and there's nothing like these simple, non-digital broadcasts to make you feel at home. And, by over-the-air, I mean bellowed out by your neighbor at all hours of the day or night.
Read on... (plus 1 Comments)
Run-On
Apr 5, 2007 in Otherwise Uncategorized
As the weather turns from winter to spring, so a young man's fancy turns to more stimulating pursuits. Running, that is. It's beautiful out, the sun is shining, the air is as clear as it's going to get in LA, new buds are everywhere -- I want to run and see the world. Read on... (plus 3 Comments)
Santa Barbara Winery 2000 Sauvignon Blanc
Mar 19, 2007 in Food, Otherwise Uncategorized
I've been drinking a lot more wine lately -- about a bottle a week. I've always enjoyed wine, and it was finally time to learn about it, which means trying a lot. I have little storage room, so there's not much space for me to keep around bottles that I don't plan to drink soon; but there are two bottles that have been taking up precious wine rack space for a while now.
Read on... (plus 1 Comments)
Goodbye, Mr. Lakin
Mar 18, 2007 in Otherwise Uncategorized, True Life Stories
I think I need to write more nice stories about High School, because I keep on bringing up bad news. It's even worse since I seem to be writing crap these days -- I'm not sure I have the tools to make what I write meaningful. But it should be. So, if you could do me a favor and pretend the following had been written in such a way as to make you care, I'd appreciate it. Read on...
Blues
Feb 18, 2007 in Otherwise Uncategorized, Writing Practice
I need new clothes for the new season coming up. To be frank, I needed new clothes for the last season, but, in true LA fashion, summer seems to have come already and obviated the need for sweaters and layering. Nonetheless, I need new clothes for the new season. And I'd like it if some weren't blue, although most often that's the color I end up wearing. Read on... (plus 7 Comments)
Bugs Bunny Was Right!
Jan 16, 2007 in Otherwise Uncategorized
You probably think that what you see in cartoons is all fake. Until two nights ago, I would have agreed with you completely. Those scenes where Wile E. Coyote steps off the edge of a cliff and his body plummets to the bottom of the canyon while his face, maudlin, stares at you? Fake. The bits where the Animaniacs bounce off everything? Fake. The part where lab mice try to take over the world every night? OK, maybe not so fake. That should've been my hint; the cartoons... they're all true. I know this because, two nights ago, I slipped on a banana peel. Read on... (plus 3 Comments)
New Year's Resolutions
Jan 2, 2007 in Otherwise Uncategorized
It's an annual tradition, at this point, to make my New Year's resolutions public and review how I did on the previous year (see: 2004, 2005, 2006). I'm all for tradition, so here goes the resolutions for 2007. Read on...
Three Pieces of Tape
Dec 24, 2006 in Otherwise Uncategorized
My, my, my, my wrapping it be so hard
Makes me say oh my Lord
Christmas be buggin' me
With a gift to wrap under the tree
It'd feel good if my tape stuck down
I fold nice square corners they turn out round
My gifts don't look smooth
Under the tree people say ewww Read on... (plus 2 Comments)
A Few Ideas For You Dictators Out There
Dec 17, 2006 in Otherwise Uncategorized
I'm an inveterate entrepreneur; I like coming up with new, crazy ideas and turning them into cool companies. Or, well, I will like someday when I've done it successfully. Anyway, I was a poli sci major as an undergrad, so sometimes I wonder: why is it that we don't have any truly new and innovative approaches to how a company should work? I mean, there are plenty of countries out there that are, for all practical purposes, completely fucked. So why shouldn't they try something crazy? Here it is then, two crazy ideas of models failed countries can try. Read on...
If It Weren't for Bad Luck I'd Have No (Good) Luck at All
Nov 30, 2006 in Otherwise Uncategorized
What did you do at work today? Did you enjoy moving pieces of paper around your cubicle? Today, our society deemed I was skilled and wise enough to make potentially life-altering decisions for my fellow man. Today, society told me, yes, we just might put someone's life in your hands. Today, I was: a juror. Read on...
Thankless
Nov 23, 2006 in Otherwise Uncategorized
Is there any time that seems later than mid-evening on Thanksgiving Day? Belly full of turkey, bloodstream full of tryptophan, the dark night outside empty and still as families sit together and share plates piled high with heirloom recipies, it could be 6 or 8 or even 2 am. It's a good time to think about the year behind and the year ahead, and to give thanks for what went well and what we dream will go even better. Unfortunately, I'm an ungrateful bastard. Another year is almost gone, there have been good times and bad, but ahead I see an unfinished journey and I can't bring myself to be thankful for that. Read on... (plus 1 Comments)
Tweaker Cone
Oct 29, 2006 in Otherwise Uncategorized
For some reason I don't fully understand, every time I go to my neighborhood McDonald's, there's some methampehtamine addict waiting in line for a vanilla cone. Is it that vanilla cones are the outside equivalent of cigarettes in the joint, a convenient medium of trade in the absence of cash? Apart from the presence of cash on the outside, that is? Are McDonald's cones a good substitute for Tylenol, now that Tylenol is a controlled substance? Is there something special in the vanilla cone itself? If so, can just anyone get a special cone, or does one have to be visibly tweaking to get the "special dip"? Either way, I'm allergic to milk, so I'll never find out. Read on... (plus 1 Comments)
The Day the Music Died
Oct 16, 2006 in Otherwise Uncategorized
I was in the midst of watching the exciting Philly-Saints game when it happened; all of a sudden, my TV screen turned black and I could hear the hard drive on my Tivo thrashing. I waite and waited for my football to return but, sadly, there was nothing but black. So I pulled the plug, gave it a moment, and then restarted. My Tivo came back to life, told me to wait a moment, then told me to wait a moment, then told me to wait a moment... Read on... (plus 2 Comments)
The Train to Lo Wu
Jul 23, 2006 in Otherwise Uncategorized
When I was in high school I took a class in creative writing; at the end of the semester, I held in my hands a forty-some page computer printout of some many-times-revised writing achievement, ready for submission to some writing competition for high school students. My story, of course (coming as it did from a freshman in high school), was macabre, and, worse, it was written in a run-on style that sat somewhere between Faulkner and Sweet Valley High with all of the punctuation removed. I was proud, but, when I read my friend Blaise's submission to that same competition his simple, clear sentences made me put aside any thought of my story receiving awards. I tried, later, to write using plainer language and clearer themes, and briefly fancied myself as having some skill; but then a new student came to my school. Jess wrote ethereal prose, each sentence stripped down to the fewest words possible, hinting only obliquely at conversation or exposition, sort of like some Zen koan from whose hidden meaning we should understand the world. I couldn't approach Jess's writing, and, after a few feeble attempts, I took another creative writing class and turned out a baroque and bloody term paper story that sported a sentence all of a page and a half long. It didn't help that I was reading Joyce at the time. Read on... (plus 5 Comments)
Incipient Dissatisfaction
May 26, 2006 in Otherwise Uncategorized
For the past two years, I've jealously guarded my weekends -- guarded them from, you know, people and other similar time sucks that expect my interactive attention. And it was great. One, maybe two nights a week I'd have enough free time that I could spend it on me. You know, watch Cops, read a book, ogle attractive women, things like that, and never a second wheel to distract me from my entirely non-interactive me time.
Read on... (plus 1 Comments)
My Precioussss
May 23, 2006 in Otherwise Uncategorized
I'm A Bad Man
May 7, 2006 in Otherwise Uncategorized
Last night I was out with some friends; we ended up at a divey sports bar in Santa Monica. To put it briefly, it sucked, and we wanted to go across the street to a cooler bar, but one of my friends had just gotten herself a nice cool bottle of Corona. Since she was too much of a pussy to chug the beer, she stuck her beer in my chest pocket and started to prod me to smuggle her beer into the new bar. Then my other friend joined in, and how could I resist two women daring me to do a bad bad thing? So I closed my jacket over the beer and we walked across the street. I played it cool and we slipped right past the doorman and into the dance floor in the back, where I slipped out my friend's beer and she nursed it for another 20 minutes. I'm a bad man. Read on...
The Longest Day
Feb 14, 2006 in Otherwise Uncategorized
I thought I had it all day long. Everywhere I walked on campus, the undergrad chicks were checking me out. Then I realized they were all trying to read the t-shirt I was wearing, which I had brought back from Brazil. Portuguese confuses chicks, I guess, at least long enough for them to stare at me. Read on... (plus 4 Comments)
Life Makes Me Ouchy
Feb 10, 2006 in Otherwise Uncategorized
OK, maybe I shouldn't've had quite so much to drink at Saints & Sinners last night, but I just had to check out the new bar that's just a couple of blocks away. Everyone needs a walking-distance watering hole,right? And I've never been able to pass up a martini (although, next time, back to the usual dirty). Still, is it really necessary for the city to be tearing up the street in front of my house with jackhammers? For hours on end? Owie!... Read on... (plus 4 Comments)
If You're Not Watching Battlestar Galactica...
Jan 6, 2006 in Otherwise Uncategorized
You're wasting your television. Seriously. Lost? Phbbt. This is real suspense and tension. (Plus, it's on iTunes now, so you can download an episode if you missed it.)... Read on... (plus 3 Comments)
New Year's Resolutions
Jan 5, 2006 in Otherwise Uncategorized
There's nothing better than belated resolutions! Well, technically there was an extensive discussion of resolutions on New Year's Eve, but I chose not to rush from dinner directly to an Internet cafe to share them with you. Not that I don't love you, just that I was far more focused on getting loaded. But, in a tradition reaching back two years, here are my resolutions for 2006. Read on... (plus 2 Comments)
A Sudden Epidemic
Dec 6, 2005 in Otherwise Uncategorized
After years of thinking it was apocryphal, I've finally fallen victim to that most feared -- and stereotypcial -- affliction of suburbia: bellybutton lint. Yes, all of a sudden, after years of a clean bellybutton, I find myself reaching down there to scratch an itch and digging out a little ball of miscellaneous combined fabric bits. It's bizarre, my bellybutton has always been clean in the past, but, suddenly, as soon as I start wasting my vacation time in front of the TV, I'm lint-y. I wonder if it's a sign. I hope that this doesn't sink my shot with the girls.... Read on... (plus 5 Comments)
How Did I Get This E-Mail?
Dec 2, 2005 in Otherwise Uncategorized
The following appeared in my inbox; note the school mentioned in the signature:
Read on... (plus 2 Comments)
Thanksgiving
Nov 24, 2005 in Otherwise Uncategorized
OK, so I'm stressed out and I may have bitten off too much (with predictable consequences). But it's easy to overlook how much I have to be thankful for. It's been a good year, and I can't let the daily distractions (and nips) hide these from me. So what am I thankful for? Read on... (plus 2 Comments)
No Sleep 'Til Brooklyn
Nov 24, 2005 in Otherwise Uncategorized
The timestamp attached to this post is a bit deceptive; I've actually been up since 5am. And that's how my week's been, folks, with the same story for the week before. It's not generic morningsomonia, and it's not, remarkably, a generic worry about how much I have to get done. Instead, I've woken up early thinking specific thoughts about specific projects, consumed by specific worries about specific deliverables. Which sucks, because, let's face it, when you wake up at 5am and realize that Godiva Chocolates might be a good comparable for doing a valuation of Peet's Coffee, there's nothing that will get that idea out of your head other than logging onto OneSource and grabbing Godiva's financials. And, when you discover that Godiva is really a subsidiary of Campbell's Soup, well, there's no getting back to sleep. Read on... (plus 1 Comments)
Suggestions In/Suggestions Out
Nov 13, 2005 in Otherwise Uncategorized
Some time ago, I asked you all to suggest some TV shows I might watch. Y'all done good. I thought I'd return the favor with some brief feedback on your suggestions, and ask you for a few more suggestions. Read on... (plus 10 Comments)
The Me Stress Test
Oct 25, 2005 in Otherwise Uncategorized
One thing about me, if you know me (and are lucky enough to come by my apartment and spend some time in front of my Outlook), it's easy to tell how stressed out I am by looking at a few simple metrics. These metrics are:
- What I'm reading
- How may e-mails there are in my inbox Read on... (plus 2 Comments)
This Entry Has Nothing To Do With Sarajevo
Oct 8, 2005 in Otherwise Uncategorized
Apparently, my friends thought it was about time I got out of the house, 'cause Christie came all the way down from a vacation in Santa Barbara to drag me out to the Franz Ferdinand show at the Greek Theater last night. Read on... (plus 4 Comments)
I Live In a Town Filled With Stars
Oct 2, 2005 in Otherwise Uncategorized
Today, I went to the supermarket -- by which I mean Payless Produce, Halal Carneceria, and 89¢ store -- earlier than usual, and ended up waiting in line quite some time next to a woman who claimed to be the mother of WWE star "Chris "The Master" Masters":http://www.wwe.com/superstars/raw/chrismasters/. She was dressed for the place, in a ratty, off-the-shoulder, hot-in-1992 print sundress, to go with her probably hot-in-1988 boobs, which were rarin' to pop out of that thing. With big, cheap, dark plastic sunglasses -- probably to hide her pinpointed, tweaker pupils -- overtanned skin, overeprocessed, brittle-looking long brown hair, and sexy-in-1990 pink lipstick, she leaned in too close to tell me the following, which I swear is all verbatim: Read on... (plus 1 Comments)
Hair Care Product Whore
Sep 23, 2005 in Otherwise Uncategorized
Anybody who's ever watched me primp for a date knows that I'm a total primadonna when it comes to hair care products. I like the good stuff, and I'll spend on it (something which various of my hairstylists have loved, I'm sure). Usually, I go for some relatively cutting-edge product, then move on to the next cutting-edge product when the first one becomes hard to find anywhere outside of Sally Beauty Supply. But now it's different. Now I look fabulous and I do it with product I got at Target -- and at Target prices. Read on... (plus 1 Comments)
What Should I TiVo?
Sep 18, 2005 in Otherwise Uncategorized
So it's a new TV season, but my TiVo "Now Playing" list looks the same as ever. Nanny 911 is fun when you're watching it with your sweetie, but, now that I'm sweetie-less, perhaps I need a little somehting with some explosions in it. Or some taut drama. Or, perhaps, good laughs. So, what do you like this year? What Season Passes should I add to my TiVo?... Read on... (plus 13 Comments)
Southern Names are Special
Sep 17, 2005 in Otherwise Uncategorized
I deeply love that Tenessee Volunteers' #3 quarterback's name is Jim Bob Cooter.... Read on... (plus 1 Comments)
My Fame Spreads
Aug 29, 2005 in Otherwise Uncategorized
My travel-related entry The People With The Bags has been republished on Babblog! My fame grows. Check out Babblog and grow their readership, they're pretty cool. Amusing and stuff.... Read on...
This is the kind of spontaneous publicity I need. My name in print. That really makes somebody. Things are going to start happening to me now.
Jul 27, 2005 in Otherwise Uncategorized
It's no phone book, but it's not a bad start. My friends and unusually-talented classmates over at Babblog have, for some reason, become addled enough to publish something I wrote -- in this case, a discourse on the Mojito. I think you'll find that my article contains the same quality of content that you've become used to here at juniorbird.com, although the rest of Babblog may, disappointingly, actually be competently-written. Read on... (plus 5 Comments)
In God's Country
Jul 20, 2005 in Otherwise Uncategorized
There's an old joke about Texas: A Texan plays poker with the Devil. The game goes on day after day, week after week, and the stakes get bigger and bigger the whole time. One day, the Texan calls Satan's big bet with the deed to all of Texas, whereupon the Devil throws down his royal flush, busting the Texan broke. The Texan gets ready to pack his things and move, but then the Devil disappears down a deep hole back to Hell. "Hey Satan," yells the Texan, "aren't you going to take my state?" "No," replies the Devil, "I've spent a few weeks in Texas and, believe me, I've decided to live in Hell and rent out Texas." Have I mentioned lately that I'm living in Phoenix for the summer? Have I mentioned that, given the option, the Devil would clearly live in Texas and rent out Arizona? Read on... (plus 5 Comments)
Arizona: Dangerous For Interns, Temporary Relocation
Jun 21, 2005 in Otherwise Uncategorized
Are you thinking of a summer internship or temporary relocation to Arizona? Think twice, it's dangerous. Interns and others who choose to temporarily relocate to Arizona may have to register their car in the state or be heavily fined. Even though interns and other temporary workers will only be in the state for a few weeks or months, and even though interns and other temporary workers may not qualify as residents, the police may still think you are a new resident of Arizona and may still ticket you. Read on... (plus 2 Comments)
Nostalgoo
Jun 17, 2005 in Otherwise Uncategorized
For some reason, in about the middle of the afternoon, I became nostalgic for one of my past lives. For three years, I was part-owner of a Web and print design studio; during that time, I did (among other things) back-end development for Web sites. I learned, and taught others, how to write code on listservs, and, for many years, a search for "Wade Armstrong" on Google would show up my many posts. Some of them even clever and smart. But they're slowly disappearing as old discussion lists get archived or go dark. Read on...
Caffeind
Jun 15, 2005 in Otherwise Uncategorized
While in Brazil, I developed quite the taste for coffee That country's brew was dark and thick and strong and a little burnt-tasting; in a small cup, with generous sugar, Brazilian coffee was warm, tasty, and would wake me up and keep me going. Now, before I went to Brazil I didn't have a particular tendency to drink coffee -- I prefer tea -- but, when I got home, I started wanting some all the time. For the past few weeks, I've been drinking coffee on and off, in the hopes of finding some that compares to what I drank in São Paulo and Rio. And today that caught up with me. Read on... (plus 4 Comments)
667.7 Miles
Jun 11, 2005 in Otherwise Uncategorized
My summer internship is a challenge; that's to be expected. But living in Phoenix is also a challenge. It's not that the city is so hot -- sure, it's over 100°, but what would you expect from the summer in the desert and, plus, I'm a Baltimoron -- and it's not the politics. The challenge is that I have to drive on the freeway, to and from work and to get just about anywhere, every day. Read on... (plus 1 Comments)
End Government Regulation!
Apr 4, 2005 in Otherwise Uncategorized
A favorite conservative cause is the evil of government regulation. They rail against the economic loss caused by taxes -- a loss known in economics as deadweight loss. But who ever thinks of the non-economic deadweight loss caused by government regulation? What about the most serious loss of all -- daylight savings time! Yes, just yesterday, the Federal Government's inefficient regulations caused a deadweight loss of one hour to us all! Read on... (plus 1 Comments)
Free Michael!
Mar 26, 2005 in Otherwise Uncategorized
OK, it looks like Michael Jackson is going down. But it's not his fault. It's all of ours. Free Michael! He doesn't know what he's doing, we all made him coo-coo. Read on... (plus 1 Comments)
Syria And Me
Mar 4, 2005 in Otherwise Uncategorized
After years of letting Syria treat Lebanon as a virutal province, our President is finally suggesting that they leave. It's about time! If Clinton had just done the same thing, I wouldn't have almost gotten married back in college. Read on...
My Landlord: Swinging '70s Bachelor
Mar 1, 2005 in Otherwise Uncategorized
Until today, I'd not had much contact with my landlord. But, after our recent rains, he dropped by to check out the damage (old house + old roof = many leaks). As I showed him the stains and the cracking and peeling, he asked me what I was studying. I told him I was in business school, and he told me to watch out for the women, they're in charge today. But, back in the '70s, it turns out, he was in charge. Read on... (plus 1 Comments)
The Comedy Store: A Veritable Storehouse of Comedy
Feb 27, 2005 in Otherwise Uncategorized
I generally prefer not to go out on the weekend, as such activity takes me away from the important things in life, like sitting at home in front of TiVo, eating snack foods, and spoiling the bird. Oh, and doing work. But, somehow, I ended up going out to dinner with friends and, then, to an absolutely hilarious (except for the 15 minutes of methamphetamine-addled anti-Semitism from a large white man) show at the Comedy Store, featuring Chris Rock. Read on...
The Hiking Theory of Dating
Feb 24, 2005 in Otherwise Uncategorized
As someone who's undoubtedly, and throughout my life, been uncannily successful in dating. Better at it than you, for sure. Wouldn't you like to be as fabulous and desirable as me? I knew you would. Try the Hiking Theory of Dating.
Oh, and, if we ever dated, this entry's not about you. It really isn't, I promise. Read on... (plus 2 Comments)
Getting Things Done
Feb 9, 2005 in Otherwise Uncategorized
So I've been light on the updates lately. I've been a busy bee, getting things done at school. Case competitions, midterms, clubs, fundraisers, networking, interviewing, and planning a start-up that I should think about for the future -- these all fill up my schedule. This is a lot to do, even in business school, and some people have asked me how I get it all done. From time to time, other people have commented on my organization. So I thought I'd write down a few ways in which I keep my life (sometimes too much) under control.
Read on...
New Favorite TV Show
Jan 31, 2005 in Otherwise Uncategorized
In what can only be interpreted as an attempt to further establish my geek cred, I have to say that, far and away, my favorite TV show of the new season is Battlestar Galactica. Not only has BG gained "keep until I delete" status on my TiVo, I have a seriously hard time waiting until next friday for the next episode. I need my fix, man! Read on...
Isn't It Nice To See Windows Everywhere?
Jan 3, 2005 in Otherwise Uncategorized
Especially, virus-stricken, on an airport computer! Read on... (plus 1 Comments)
New Year's Resolutions
Jan 1, 2005 in Otherwise Uncategorized
Another year, another [set descriptor] of [thing meaningful to you]. Read on... (plus 1 Comments)
Indian Ocen Earthquake And Tsunami: Help Out This Christmas Season
Dec 29, 2004 in Otherwise Uncategorized
Much like my country, I've been enjoying my vacation, relaxedly resting stingy in my posting. But the coverage of the Indian Ocean earthquake and tsunami on the French TV station in my hotel are compelling and shocking. Read on...
It's The Most Wonderful Time Of The Year
Dec 20, 2004 in Otherwise Uncategorized
With those holiday greetings and gay happy meetings when friends come to call, it's the hap-happiest season of all! Yes, that's right, there's holiday music blaring from the speakers of all of the stores and malls out there and I love it. I wish July could be like this. Read on...
Mmmm, Clean Car
Aug 29, 2004 in Otherwise Uncategorized
One of the many small miracles I get to experience as a resident of the fine city of Los Angeles is the Handy J Car Wash, a venue offering unparalelled full service. No, I'm not talking about hot new immigrant sex; if you look in the background of the above photo, you'll notice that behind the cars being cleaned is the Outdoor Grill. That's right, Handy J offers you tasty barbecue while-you-wait. The Outdoor Grill is indeed one of LA's small treasures. In a city that's weak in barbecue (although there is a great, if more expensive, place nearby me), Outdoor Grill is a fun, fair-priced treat. They offer all manner of tasty options: There's always daily specials but I love the tri-tip and the half chicken. The fries are great dipped into the sweet, tangy barbecue sauce, and the salads are outsized. The source of all this goodness is, in fact, an outdoor grill: There's nothing like coming home with a shining clean car and a styrofoam container full of hot, tasty, charred meat. Mmmm, meat. Mmmm, clean car.... Read on... (plus 1 Comments)
I Am All My Nation's Colors
Aug 15, 2004 in Otherwise Uncategorized
My body has quite an extensive color palette going on right now. Starting at the bottom, we have: I got this lovely bruise from riding the mechanical bull at Union Cattle. I can only conlcude that it came from the bull spinning to the left so darned much. Too much sun at Teamwork At Marshall day! Strangely, it never hurt. And then there's the teeth. Looking in the mirror one day, I thought my smile looked yellow. So I got me some Crest Whitestrips. Before: After: (yes, I brightened this pic a bit in Photoshop because the light was bad, but I didn't change the color balance at all) I've had two good friends express shock at how bright my smile is. Not a bad outcome! Thumbs up for Crest Whitestrips. And for TAM day and, especially, Union Cattle as well!... Read on... (plus 1 Comments)
Sic Transit Gloria Rachelle Work
Jul 19, 2004 in Otherwise Uncategorized
One of about three or maybe four good things about high school for me was the school newspaper, the Postscript. I started out as a reporter my freshman year and rose through the ranks to be, during my senior year, Co-Editor-in-Chief (there were two every year) with David Andorsky. The Postscript had everything: bad puns, sexual tension and innuendo, Pizz-a-boli's pizza, something to do of an afternoon. Plus, for about five minutes a month, the popular kids might acutally care that I'd written something. OK, that last part was just deluding myself. Anyway, I loved the Postscript. It was actual work, unlike many classes, and stimulating besides. Nobody teased me for being a total tool. I got to use a Macintosh. What could be better? But what made the Postscript the best was the faculty adviser: Rachelle Work. She created a culture that was fun and educational and welcoming. She stuck up for everybody wo needed it and kept a whole bunch of teenagers from pawing each other. Every issue, she talked to every section editor and assistant editor and even some writers. Every night we worked late, she was there. Even when her daughter and, later, son were Editor-in-Chief, she never yelled (she let the others do the yelling, especially her daughter and her daughter's co-EIC, who couldn't get along). There are a few particular Postscript memories I have. Most of them, frankly, involve her chewing me out -- but she always made sure I learned a lesson. Like the one time I yelled at an editor we were firing -- she taught me to be nice when doing unpleasant things. When I was flirting in inappropriate ways, she helped me learn better ways to try to get the girls. And, when I finally did get the girls, she didn't let them sit on my lap. That broke my heart -- I had a pretty girl sitting on my lap! Me! A real girl! In school! At least I had those few minutes of fun. I remember her teaching me to crop halftoned photos, to be meticulous about paste-up, to care about dangling participles. Especially in headlines. In my yearbook, she wrote that she expected me to return from California sporting bleached-blond hair, quoting Sartre. Guess I've let her down. So Rachelle has stepped down as adviser to the Postscript. She's given twenty other Postscript staffs the same, wonderful guidance. I'll miss her. I do miss her. I hope I get to see her again someday. Rachelle Work is a great teacher.... Read on... (plus 2 Comments)
Friends Finale
May 8, 2004 in Otherwise Uncategorized
Like about one out of five Americans, I watched the finale of Friends. And it was just awful! Truly unpleasant. Filled with uninteresting and distracting content, condescension, unnecessary titillation, and unfunny punch lines. You guessed it, I had to watch it live, not on TiVo, and sit through the ads. I don't know how I watched TV before TiVo. Sure, I occasionally find things on live TV that I want to watch (umm, mostly NASCAR), but usually it's the wonderful shows Now Playing On TiVo that are worth watching. Even when I want to watch a TV show, I usually don't want to watch it when it's on; I'd rather watch a late show the next day, or an early show while I eat dinner, or do the dishes first (ok, I wouldn't rather, but I have to). I honestly don't know how advertisers will survive now that I can fast-forward through their boredom. All I know is, from now on I'm waiting until five minutes into any live show to start watching so that I can fast-forward through the ads.... Read on...
Sic Transit Grocery Strike
Feb 29, 2004 in Otherwise Uncategorized
It looks as if our long national nightmare may be coming to an end -- once again, someday soon, we will all be able to shop at our neighborhood national chain grocery store. As a consumer of foodstuffs, I find this convenient. As a consumer of financial products, I'm principally happy that I don't own any shares of the stock of said national chain grocery store companies.
Read on...Sometimes You Complain, And Sometimes You Keep Your Mouth Shut
Feb 25, 2004 in Otherwise Uncategorized
Mel Gibson's "The Passion" is opening well, according to CNN. This is a movie that, a year ago, was dismissed as a bizarre self-indulgence by a man who had possibly gone over the deep end. Gibson was said to be pouring his own money into a film that nobody would ever see. Yet today we hear about "The Passion" on every TV news show. This little film became big because of one thing: publicity. Negative publicity, sure, but this is Hollywood, where they've long held no publicity is bad publicity. Protesters forgot this axiom, and have hyped Gibson's pet project more than he ever could have.
Read on... (plus 1 Comments)The Grippe
Feb 23, 2004 in Otherwise Uncategorized
Today, I was supposed to be writing an entry about how I was visiting the University of North Carolina's Kenan-Flagler school. Instead, I'm lying on the couch, in my jammies. This is America, so it can't be my fault that I'm sick, just because I stayed up too late and ate poorly and didn't get exercise. Instead, I blame my co-workers who came in sick and gave their dread diseases to me.
Read on...New House: Kitchen
Jan 17, 2004 in Otherwise Uncategorized
Okay, so I haven't blogged in quite some time. I'm a bad boy. But I've been busy. So here, without further ado, is the kitchen. The part of the house I love and spend lots of time in. Mmmm, I'm hungry already. There it is. It's actually bigger than it seems -- there's plenty of room for two cutting boards and some veggies in the corner there. Speaking of the corner, I keep a bunch of stuff there, in containers and lazy susans. A double sink leaves plenty of room for a drying rack. And, if anybody ever accuses me of not admitting I'm wrong, it's disproven here -- several years, a former roommate wanted one of the rotating water filters that fit on the head of the faucet. I feared such a filter would be too bulky and lobbied for one that sat on the counter and attached to the faucet via a hose; it never worked right. This little filter is a dream and cheap too. There's room for a cart with microwave, toaster oven, Cuisinart and other equipment on it behind the fridge. Trash goes in the corner behind it. Above the cart is my spice rack, alphabetized, of course: The oven is great, hot and accurate to within a few degrees of the selected temperature. The burners are not so wonderful; while they're easily controllable and, thank goodness, gas at last, they're not too hot. But what can you expect from a range that may be older than me? (Check out the hip Harvest Gold color!) Alongside is the equipment rack but the best part is the ultra-convenient knife rack below that. So that's my kitchen. Be nice to me and I'll make you dinner!... Read on...
This Budget Should Be Terminated
Jan 11, 2004 in Otherwise Uncategorized
Our new governor has proposed a new budget. It's a challenging budget, to meet the challengingly large deficit we seem to have run up. But it's not a very good budget. If the state were a business (and, really, it is just a specific kind of business), it would be mortgaging long-term success to reach short-term profitability. Wall Street may like that, but it doesn't benefit buy-and-hold investors or expensive-to-train employees.
Read on...Life Is Just Like The BCS
Jan 5, 2004 in Otherwise Uncategorized
This weekend, college football crowned two national champions despite an elaborate system constructed to ensure there was just one. This system did not include a playoff, much to the ire of many fans and journalists. Playoffs sure are nice: they give every team a fair chance and experimentally test a range of possible outcomes. The result is an unambiguous winner -- the champion will have beat everyone who beat everyone. But life rarely gives you (or, at least, me) the chance to experimentally test one outcome against another. Life usually demands big decisions with too little information -- just like the BCS. So, can carrying out a little thought experiment on how to reform the BCS reveal some things about how to build models in real-life situations?
Read on...Mo Movies Mo Problems
Jan 2, 2004 in Otherwise Uncategorized
2003 was hard for many sectors of the economy. Even movies were hit hard, suffering a 4% decrease in gross as compared with last year. Why, in tough times like these, aren't movies making money as the unemployed and underemployed escape their miserable lives through the fiction in the theater? Is it, maybe, because there are too many movies?
Read on...New Years' Resolutions
Jan 1, 2004 in Otherwise Uncategorized
Every year, at about the same time we drink to excess, it's traditional that we make ill-kept resolutions about how we'll behave better in the future. This isn't, frankly, usually my kind of thing. But it's been a turbulent year, and next year can hardly be worse, so it's worth looking ahead to the future. So, things I hereby resolve to: Exercise more often Take a Spanish conversation class Use my Sur La Table gift card for cooking classes Learn Python Start a wiki Blog more regularly Get it in writing beforehand Doveryay, no proverya Go to Europe Get friends together for drinks regularly Not speak ill of those who deserve it Network, network, network Here's to next year not being anything like last year!... Read on... (plus 1 Comments)
New House: Nook
Dec 28, 2003 in Otherwise Uncategorized
My house has a nook. Technically, it's a breakfast or a dining nook, but I didn't put a table in there, so no eating terms can correctly be associated with it. I decided I needed this space for storing all sorts of stuff, so home to bookcase and cabinet and vacuum it became; and besides, there wasn't room for more than just a small table there anyway. I prefer eating dinner in front of the TV when alone, and there's great plans for a dining area that will be discussed in a later entry... Anyway, the nook. It's small, and it's between the living room, bathroom and kitchen, but it seems to qualify as a room in it's own right. The nook: I have a sponge mop there. Isn't that classy? The other side of the nook looks about the same. Yeah, I'm short on space to hide things like vacuums. Note the two folding chairs I keep around for guests. Cheap at IKEA! But look back at that first pic. That shows what's really important at my place:... Read on...
New House: Bathroom (You Always Wanted To See My Bathroom, Didn't You?)
Dec 28, 2003 in Otherwise Uncategorized
Everybody loves bathrooms. It's the most important room in any place, when you think about it, because it's the one room that, when you need, you really need. Well, I love the bathroom, anyway. Please, come and visit mine. I love my shower. It's got a nice strong spray. Also check out the makeup mirror my Wonderful Girlfriend installed. She's the one who's handy with the power drill and wall anchors. Yes, those are claw feet you see there! The other side of the bathroom isn't as nice, but it's the most important part. It has not just the toilet, which is a nice old-fashioned strong-flushing kind. The frosted window just looks out on a solid wooden slat fence. The little metal shelf is invaluable since this place is horribly short of storage and, well, even a Wonderful Girlfriend needs a lot of towels and washcloths. So, welcome to my home. Please feel free to use my bathroom.... Read on... (plus 1 Comments)
Guess Who's Antojado Now?
Dec 26, 2003 in Otherwise Uncategorized
I love Christmas! Starting in about, oh, July, I quietly sing Christmas songs to myself. When the season comes along, I'm like a little child; I even look forward to the TV weather maps that show Santa's position on Christmas Eve. All this regardless of the fact that I'm, technically, Jewish. See, my mother's Jewish and my father Methodist. When I was born, they decided not to confuse me and shuttle me between Saturday and Sunday services, so I was raised in a non-denominational way. But we still celebrated Christmas. It's just a cultural thing -- my parents were kind enough not to deprive me of the consumerist festival that takes place every winter. Which is cool, 'cause I like things. Our Christmases were extra-weird, because we haven't had them at home with a nice tall tree and a roaring fire and all that. Up until I was five, we had classic Christmases at my grandparents' ranch, but when my grandpa passed on, my grandma sold the ranch and we began to celebrate Christmas in either my grandma's apartment or in a hotel room in an exotic (well, usually less-than-exotic) vacation destination. This year: grandma's apartment in Houston. And here's the pictures (we're all dressed up for brunch). Everyone's loot Santa's here to give out gifts! Some people don't like having their pictures taken, I guess They don't seem to mind when they've got presents, do they? All the presents have been given out, so it must be time for me to cook dinner! Okay, these pictures aren't too festive. But then, as my Wonderful Girlfriend often points out, my family is way white. I've taken no pictures of the loot as, well, no loot for the Los-Angeles-residing members of this family; didn't want to try to schlep boxes of stuff through Terrorist Alert Level Orange. And thus I am muy antojado. Without widgets and electronica and books and foodstuffs to touch and cherish, there's this doubt in the back of my head that Christmas really came. Can I wait until I return to see my TiVo? Will it really be there when I return? Man, I want stuff!... Read on...
Well I Had To Go Eat Steak Last Night, Eh?
Dec 24, 2003 in Otherwise Uncategorized
This was going to be an entry about how nice it was to visit my grandmother in Houston get a good, simple steak, from a good cut of meat, which is something it's easy to do down here but not so easy in Los Angeles, where they persist in putting all sorts of things on a steak. But then I learned that, thanks to Mad Cow Disease, my tasty tasty meal may turn my brain to mush; so, instead, I'll write about risk management and how the beef industry has done a bad job of it.
Read on...ReMail
Dec 7, 2003 in Otherwise Uncategorized
For all its ubiquity, the Web is not the Internet's killer app -- e-mail is. Every day, more bytes of e-mail messages than bytes of html documents transit the net. Given how much most business rely on e-mail, it's surprising how awful most e-mail clients are at organizing the daily stream of information that bombards users daily. IBM researchers have fascinating ideas about how to build a better e-mail client.
Read on... (plus 1 Comments)Goodbye, Firebird
Dec 2, 2003 in Otherwise Uncategorized
After a brief but successful flirtation, I've been asked to uninstall Mozilla Firebird, which I had been using as my primary browser. Unfortunately (but quite reasonably), the IT department was not prepared to support (including backing up bookmarks and preferences) a new application for just one user. Now I'm back to IE at work, but I actually enjoy Firebird so much I may consider replacing Safari on my Mac at home with this new and promising browser.
Read on...This Page Will Someday Not Exist
Nov 26, 2003 in Otherwise Uncategorized
Today, you can read this entry at http://wadearmstrong.com. In a few days (or, if I'm not being so productive, weeks), it'll be pushed off the front page and into an archive page, when it will be found at an address like http://wadearmstrong.com/archives/000316.html. Links that went to the first address will start being, well, lies, since the referred content will no longer be there. And what use is that on the internet?
Read on...Presidential Homepages Violate Speed and Accessibility Guidelines
Nov 19, 2003 in Otherwise Uncategorized
The folks over at Optimization Week have analyzed the Web sites of the major Presidential candidates and have found these sites to be, overall, slow and inaccessible to those with disabilities (or those who choose to use the keyboard, and not mice, to navigate; or those who choose not to load images; and so forth). Fast-loading and accessible sites aren't unattainable goals, they're best practices. Why is it that the candidates to lead our country are behind the curve on Web design? And, no, "it's not important" isn't the answer I'm looking for.
Read on...Shopping At Ralph's
Nov 16, 2003 in Otherwise Uncategorized
Today, for the first time since the strike began, I shopped at Ralph's. I wasn't going to cross the picket line, but the strikers took the pickets away so that people like me could shop at Ralphs' and drive a wedge between that company and the other Southland grocery stores.
Read on...Una Huelga Muy Inconveniente
Oct 13, 2003 in Otherwise Uncategorized
Shopping for my weekly groceries at Whole Foods was a nightmare; the store was filled with lost, confused, inconsiderate upper-middle-class women. Of course, it was my fault for shopping on Columbus Day. It was also my fault for shopping at one of the few supermarket chains in Southern California that wasn't surrounded by a picket line. For, you see, the supermarket checkers, stockers and baggers are on strike I'm all for this strike. Seems that the supermarkets want to make employees begin contributing to the cost of their own health insurance. Now, this is a very competitive environment for supermarkets, and I'm sympathetic to the big chains' need to compete with big-box stores like Wal-Mart. But it's an awful thing to cut health care for workers in marginal positions like these (while skilled butchers make upwards of $20/hour, most employees are in non-skilled blue-collar positions). It's tough to tell someone making $25,000 a year to pay nearly $1000 to keep the same health insurance they currently have -- that's, in a very real way, a $1000 cut in their annual salary. And it's just these marginal workers who need health care the most to keep them in the workforce. Especially for employees making less than $20,000/year, welfare remains very attractive -- not least because it comes complete with Medi-Cal, very comprehensive state health-care coverage. And for single parents, the need to secure health coverage for their minor children can be a tremendously compelling reason to seek state or federal aid. Extensive studies of work behavior in lower-income individuals done in Wisconsin in the early '90s indicated that lack of health care coverage was one of the most major reasons these individuals left the workforce and went on welfare. It's a simple economic question -- why work and take a big risk that you'll either be healthy or unemployed and broke, when you can stay at home and not have to worry if you get hurt or sick. I don't understand how cutting the salary of someone in the bottom few percent of the economic pyramid so that somebody in the top few dozen of a percent can get a better Ralph's Club deal benefits society as a whole. Seems like we're best off if everybody has a reasonably-paying job (of course, we wouldn't have this whole problem if the health care system wasn't so outrageously expensive). So, I'm not shopping at Ralph's until this strike ends. And I'm more than happy to pay a buck or two more on each trip to pick up the slack for the workers. I don't need extra-low prices on Tropicana orange juice; if I really want to save money, I'll buy the generic brand. Keep those generic brands cheap so that everyone can afford to eat, cut back a few Ralph's Club buys so that I pay a dollar or more every week, don't make employees pay for their health insurance and everything will be fine.... Read on... (plus 2 Comments)
The Eolas Patent Mess
Oct 7, 2003 in Otherwise Uncategorized
Eolas is a company started by a former Cal prof, in partnership with UC Berkeley, to market and defend this professor's invention of a method in which browsers can display embedded content, such as Flash and Real Media. Eolas felt that its technology was being used by Microsoft in Internet Explorer for Windows, and sued, winning its initial rounds. In response, Microsoft has modified how IE works to get around the patents Eolas holds. The result could be harmful to companies with Web sites and the companies who design Web sites.
Read on...ICANN To Verisign: Down, Boy!
Oct 3, 2003 in Otherwise Uncategorized
Back in the Stone Age of the Internet, the only company you could register a .com, .net or .org domain name with was Network Solutions. Their bureaucracy was byzantine, they were slow to act, and they were expensive, but they were the only act in town.
Read on...The Greatest Workout Of My Life
Aug 27, 2003 in Otherwise Uncategorized
I have a trainer at 24 Hour Fitness who challenges me to do my best in workouts and suggests exercises that really help me to build strength and endurance. My experiences with this trainer have been great and I've been converted to getting a trainer every time I have the chance in the future. And yesterday I had the greatest workout of my life. I got to meet Bubba Smith. Now, in LA it's gauche to dote on your celebrity sightings, and it's even worse to be all google-eyed when you meet a celeb. But I've been telling everyone about Bubba and, boy, were my eyes as big as plates when I met a real live Baltimore Colt! My trainer, Gabe, had me doing push-ups on this big plastic ball in the hall. I was doing pretty sad, actually -- because the ball is unstable, you have to really engage your abs to do push-ups and this makes it hard to keep your nice flat-as-a-plank position as you do push-ups. So I actually fell over doing push-ups. That musta looked hard-core to a Pro Bowl defensive end. So Gabe said, "keep it up and you'll look like Bubba," and I looked over and there was Bubba Smith doing crunches. My eyes must've been big enough to pop out of their sockets! Bubba Smith, at my gym! And now you're probably saying "Who?" Well, Bubba Smith! College Football hall-of-famer? Pro Bowl defensive secondary player for the Colts in one NFL championship and two Super Bowls, and then for the Raiders? Miller Lite pitchman? Hightower from the Police Academy movies? Yeah, that Bubba Smith. So I told him I was from Baltimore and we talked for a little while about the Colts (and Gabe, a big Raider fan, was impressed!). I think he was happy to talk to somebody about the Colts, actually; so few people appreciate what that team used to be and what it meant to Baltimore. And then when we walked past him stretching later, Bubba said "hi!" and smiled at me! I got such a big grin, I thought I'd have to start explaining to people that, no, I'm not really into big tough older black men. Maybe just ones who like easy-open cans.... Read on... (plus 1 Comments)
Now That's A birthday Party!
Aug 19, 2003 in Otherwise Uncategorized
When I was six I had this big birthday party. Now, six was an age when you invited most everyone in your class to your birthday party (or, at least it was if you went to a small private school like I did). I wanted a big birthday bash and, even though my parents were not inclined to such things, I was a veritable font of ideas of things we should do. I wanted a treasure hunt with a secret map, I wanted plenty of party favors, and, most of all, I wanted paper on all the walls and lots of crayons so that everyone could draw pictures on the walls without having to fight over a pad of paper and stuff. I was very proud of the drawing-on-walls idea, and the party was a big hit. Or, at least I had fun. Hey, I was six, that was what counted. For years, this was my idea of a good party. Subsequent birthday parties were lower-key affairs, as my parents, not the most social people to start with, steered me towards what they perceived as more fun events with fewer, closer friends. In college I rediscovered the ability to throw a party, but I always knew that it was that one birthday when I was six that really proved I could throw a party with the best of them. And then my Wonderful Girlfriend showed me how to really party. It was not a big birthday for her -- not the big three-oh, and her 21st passed a few years back -- but she still wanted to do it right. A lot of people, they would've hired a DJ and gotten a keg and said, hey, that there is about two-thirds more effort than 90% of the parties out there so I'm good. Not the Wonderful Girlfriend! Yeah, she had a DJ and a keg, but they were just back-up. See, every table had a centerpiece -- these great galvanized buckets full of ice and bottles of Corona. And each bucket had a bottle opener tied to it! And there was a dance floor, and there was an entire Mariachi band, for all your musical needs. Oh, and if you were paying close attention two sentences back, there were tables, bunches of them, all with chairs too, rented for the party. It's important to have enough tables and chairs when you're having about 120 guests in your back yard! Plus the adequate lighting around the dance floor. That was key too, as the party started early -- while it was light out, so that the kids could bust up the piñatas and get their candy -- and the party ended late, so that the parents could drink and dance the night away. And that's not even talking about the food. She got a taco cart! With three kinds of meat! A real, authentic taco cart. Now that's planning. To say nothing of sodas, jamaica, and, my favorite, nopales. So there's an example of how to do a party right, an example to which I must now rise. Yes, I'm now plotting away at a party that will show how us white folk can do it. Bwah-hah-hah. Bwah-hah-hah-hah-hah. Just you wait, my pretties, oh I'll show you what kind of a... Read on... (plus 3 Comments)
Those Mexicans Are On To Something With Their Menudo
Aug 6, 2003 in Otherwise Uncategorized
Last weekend I accompanied my Wonderful Girlfriend to one of her cousins' weddings in Tijuana. I'll admit, I was pretty intimidated thinking about it -- she's got about, oh, twelve dozen cousins (no I will not say a gross of cousins) and I anticipated meeting 90-some percent of them at this fête. Now, I'm not good with names at all (it's inherited), and speaking to a bunch of people who's names I can't keep straight in a language that I, well, often can't keep straight either, that caused me a bit of worry. But, on the other hand, I've gotten along great with every family member I've met so far. So the Wonderful Girlfriend seems to have good taste in relations. Plus there was the whole thing about my first trip to Tijuana. Due to the fact that I was 100% sure that all of my friends would try to smuggle drugs back, I never volunteered to drive us down to TJ in college. So I'd never seen a donkey show and otherwise had no idea what to expect. The day began with, naturally, the trip down to TJ. Crossing the border was so simple as to almost entirely escape notice, except that the road changed from California grade to, well, Baltimore grade. So it wasn't that unfamiliar. Tijuana itself really reminded me of Houston, which lacks zoning entirely and thus is a jumble of houses, apartments, stores and restaurants. The drivers didn't seem that crazy, again, more aggressive like easterners but limited in their use of the oncoming lane for passing. La boda (that's "the wedding" for y'all English speakers out there) was actually one of the better weddings I'd been to. The bridesmaids' dresses were non-awful and the church was quite beautiful. I only understood about a third of the sermon, and it was quite long, but the priest seemed quite sincere and approachable. There were mariachis rather than an organ playing all the usual tunes, plus some other traditional Mexican tunes, and while that was distinctly odd it was nonetheless appropriate. Everybody complained how hot it was but I think that just tells you how Southern Californian the TJ weather is, because I found it distinctly non-miserable. I think someday I'll take the Wonderful Girlfriend on a trip to Baltimore in August to show her some real heat. After the wedding there were several hours to kill, so the Wonderful Girlfriend's family took me to an Authentic Mexican Taco Stand. I ended up with simple carne asada tacos but boy were they great! I greedily ate four; her mother was probably appalled at my inhalation of the comestibles. The reception took place in a lovely spot with a beautiful multicolored view of the Pacific at sunset. The food, sadly, was quite tardy in coming. First we waited more than an hour, then we found the tables on the groom's side of the room were being served. Finally we got rolls, not heated but cold; then the tables around us were served. One of my tablemates grabbed a passing waiter and ensured we got fed. Chicken in a cream sauce was ordinary, what you would expect for reception food (and yes I was wishing for more of those tacos!). Drinks were quite watered down and the selection from... Read on... (plus 5 Comments)
Parking Lots Are Bad (But Parking Structures Are Oh So Good)
Jul 30, 2003 in Otherwise Uncategorized
Earlier today I ran to Staples for some fax toner. After circling a couple of times, I found a spot in their very packed parking lot. Then i drove about 20 seconds to move to the OSH parking lot, to pick up gardening items. I had to switch spots, you see, because the two adjacent stores had nearly adjacent, (far too small) parking lots, with prominently placed "Tow Away- Customer Parking Only" signs. I didn't want to get towed, you know. One nice thing about malls -- even strip malls -- is that you don't need to worry about parking, you just park. Now, I'm definitely not in favor of the strip mallization of the world, but they do have the right idea about parking. Suppose OSH and Staples and Lamps Plus got together and built a single parking structure? It would be pretty inexpensive split three ways. And then imagine that each person who'd gone to one of the stores thought about making a quick visit to one of the others? If each store got just 5% of the customers going to other stores to come in and make an impulse purchase, that's a lot of money! With the proliferation of "big box" stores, this kind of cooperative action may make more sense than it did in the past. In urban areas, you just can't find the large open space that developers use to make strip malls for the big box stores. Then you get situations like the one I encountered today, too many stores with too many small parking lots, all near each other. If all the stores got together and developed just a little parking structure, well, customers will shop at more than one store. Cities could do this -- and often do -- but companies should also think about making an investment in parking. It's got a potential big payoff, if customers who would otherwise move their cars do just a little bit of impulse shopping..... Read on...
Le Nettoyage
Jun 6, 2003 in Otherwise Uncategorized
So today I cleaned part of the kitchen. Part of a whole new plan I've developed for myself to designate tasks around the house that I need to be doing and schedule them into free time that I'm not using to mellow out. Now, when i was growing up, I didn't really learn how to clean. Since as long as I can remember, my parents had someone to help out with the cleaning — reasonable since they both worked full-time. For pretty much my entire youth, until junior high or something, our maid was Charlene. I always found her skills to by mysterious and magical; I wasn't the neatest, cleanest kid and that she could keep things clean, and make the kitchen floor slippery, and god save us, keep the hardwood floors shiny — clear signs of mythical abilities. My puny powers, in contrast, only involved the ability to mow the lawn, wash dishes, and often weasel out of taking out the trash. Of course, filth was acceptable in college. Then, when I graduated, I got a job where they expected me to bill 40 hours by the end of Wednesday, so I didn't have time to clean; I got a maid. And, when I moved and got my second job, I got another maid. And then, due to a run of bad luck involving a Palm Pilot, a burnt-out porch light and Las Vegas, I lost that maid. And then I had to keep things clean myself. For two years, it's been catch as catch can. And, frankly, every bit of the apartment's just a little dirtier, just a little dustier, just a little dingier. That doesn't sit well with me, especially since I have an incredibly wonderful and incredibly neat-and-clean girlfriend. And, now that I've grown up, now that I'm living on my own, I've given myself chores. Weekly chores. This week: the kitchen. I organized my oils and vinegars, my spices and a cabinet; I cleaned every inch of the stove; and I even turned the toaster upside-down and shook out all the years of crumbs. Mmmm crumbs.... Read on...