Just Call Me Tannin Jones

Oct 31, 2006 in Food

I have no idea exactly how to describe this, but I seem to be craving tannins lately. OK, I take that back, I know exactly how to describe it: I’ve been craving tannings lately; I’m more confused as to what the heck is going on. Who needs bitter flavors with an astringent feel on the tongue? But I can’t stop drinking tea and cheap, young red wine. It’s a cost-effective jones, as these things go — tea’s mostly hot water anyway — but sometimes that $6 bottle of wine does go wrong. Read on…

Tweaker Cone

Oct 29, 2006 in Otherwise Uncategorized

For some reason I don’t fully understand, every time I go to my neighborhood McDonald’s, there’s some methampehtamine addict waiting in line for a vanilla cone. Is it that vanilla cones are the outside equivalent of cigarettes in the joint, a convenient medium of trade in the absence of cash? Apart from the presence of cash on the outside, that is? Are McDonald’s cones a good substitute for Tylenol, now that Tylenol is a controlled substance? Is there something special in the vanilla cone itself? If so, can just anyone get a special cone, or does one have to be visibly tweaking to get the “special dip”? Either way, I’m allergic to milk, so I’ll never find out. Read on…

Sometimes Stupid Isn't Funny Anymore

Oct 24, 2006 in Ye Olde Politicks

I have this half-written, incredibly snarky entry that, with substantial humor, skewered the Bush Administration. It’s a funny entry, written in the form af a primer on the concept of planning, because I once thought that all we needed was a good plan and we could win the war in Iraq, the war on terror. It was really funny, but sometimes the times we live in are not funny. Sometimes the times we live in are fucking hopeless. It’s not that our leaders don’t know how to plan; our problem is, they don’t even know how to win. Read on…

War Is Over (If You Want it to Be)

Oct 22, 2006 in Reviews

The US vs. John Lennon leaves a lot on the table. It could have been a thunderous call to call to action, a strong statement of a way in which we could follow in Lennon’s footsteps in today’s eerily similar times, but instead it was just a shrine to an artist. In that way, and in many others, it was truly a film for the political environment in which we live — intriguing, horrifying, demanding action, and ultimately empty of vigor. Read on…

What To Do When Your Boss Sucks (and You're the Boss)

Oct 18, 2006 in Bidness

I hate my job; I spend all of my day fooling with financial projections, and when I don’t get everything done that I’m supposed to, my boss hassles me and makes me feel like I’m a failure. Dammit, it’s just no fun at all. Read on…

The Day the Music Died

Oct 16, 2006 in Otherwise Uncategorized

I was in the midst of watching the exciting Philly-Saints game when it happened; all of a sudden, my TV screen turned black and I could hear the hard drive on my Tivo thrashing. I waite and waited for my football to return but, sadly, there was nothing but black. So I pulled the plug, gave it a moment, and then restarted. My Tivo came back to life, told me to wait a moment, then told me to wait a moment, then told me to wait a moment… Read on…

Welcome to My Shit List1

Oct 14, 2006 in Shit List

Cingular, which chooses not to put my calls through nearly as often as it actually connects me

People who2 write better than me, because, dammit, I just don’t go to 11 like y’all do

Drywall, which is insufficiently strong to contain my screws, bolts, etc., without the aid of a stud Read on…

Curses! Foleyed Again!

Oct 6, 2006 in Ye Olde Politicks

All the liberals I know are pretty thrilled at this whole Mark Foley (R-FL) gets caught molesting underage congressional pages thing; they’re enjoying the potential lost GOP House seat, the bloodiness of the scandal, the threat to Hastert leading the House. But not me; I think it’s all a Republican conspiracy, and, like most Republican conspiracies, it’s working. Read on…

Jackass Number Two: Smells Like Roses

Oct 4, 2006 in Reviews

There’s something special about watching a movie and knowing that, years later, you’ll be able to say “hey! I saw that movie when the people in it were still alive!” Jackass Number Two is a hilarious oracle of coming disaster, a serious of potentially-disastrous pranks all gone right. Now, a more-civilized individual might balk at breaking into riotous laughter at this Road Runner cartoon gone live-action. Read on…

The Embarassing True Story of the One Car I Loved

Oct 1, 2006 in True Life Stories

Dating California girls, I’ve really had the opportunity to appreciate how important car culture is in this state. It seems like all Califorians have a serious opinion of what their dream car is and a knack for spotting their favorite cars on the road. Myself, I grew up in what is a somewhat less car-oriented town, and I’ve never had the relentless California drive to have the greatest, best-driving, best-looking car of all. Read on…