If It Weren't for Bad Luck I'd Have No (Good) Luck at All
Nov 30, 2006 in Otherwise Uncategorized
What did you do at work today? Did you enjoy moving pieces of paper around your cubicle? Today, our society deemed I was skilled and wise enough to make potentially life-altering decisions for my fellow man. Today, society told me, yes, we just might put someone’s life in your hands. Today, I was: a juror. Read on…
Thankless
Nov 23, 2006 in Otherwise Uncategorized
Is there any time that seems later than mid-evening on Thanksgiving Day? Belly full of turkey, bloodstream full of tryptophan, the dark night outside empty and still as families sit together and share plates piled high with heirloom recipies, it could be 6 or 8 or even 2 am. It’s a good time to think about the year behind and the year ahead, and to give thanks for what went well and what we dream will go even better. Unfortunately, I’m an ungrateful bastard. Another year is almost gone, there have been good times and bad, but ahead I see an unfinished journey and I can’t bring myself to be thankful for that. Read on…
Long Story Tellers: Poo on You!
Nov 20, 2006 in Shit List
I like stories. I like books, I like TV shows, I like one-man shows, I like long conversations in which people reveal their own personal histories. I even like people who tell short stories to illustrate their point. But, if your story takes more than about ten minutes, welcome to my shit list. Read on…
Us Birds Like Our Accustomed Perches
Nov 19, 2006 in Graphically-Illustrated, Junior
My dad’s screwing up my habits. I like sitting on my tree, grooming myself, then climb down to sit down on his lap while he sits on the couch. For two years, I’ve been able to cilmb to the low branch on my tree, tell him what a pretty bird I am, and get armpit scratchies from my dad, then climb down onto the couch and my dad’s lap and get kisses and scratches on the top of my wing. That’s just how I like it. But lately, he’s been sitting on the chair on the other side of my tree, and I don’t know how to get scratchies from him there! Read on…
Oy! The Traffic In This Town.
Nov 16, 2006 in Photos
There’s this overpass crossing the 405 near me, on Palms between Sepulveda and Sawtelle. They’ve been doing something to this bridge for nearly two years now, and have blocked off half of it to traffic. Unfortunately the blocked half is the good half, visually — every time I go past at night, I see miles of the 405 stretching downhill towards LAX, traffic bumper-to-bumper as it is on that fine freeway, just past the wooden scaffolding that the construction crew put up. To thousands, these red and white dotted lines track the futility of their commutes; to me, they looks like great photography. Walk past the “construction - do not enter!” signs, throw in a little soft focus and shutter drag, and you get the below! Read on…
Dear Kevin Federline
Nov 9, 2006 in Dear So-And-So
Thank you for getting divorced by Britney. I really appreciate that now you’ll have more time to spend on that which means the most to me — your music — and also to setting an example for me by bein’ a pimp. You and your bad self and your bad five o’clock shadow are truly inspirations to me. Read on…
Juniorbird.com Mid-Term Election 2006 Endorsements
Nov 5, 2006 in Ye Olde Politicks
Somewhere along the line, somebody got it into their heads that I knew something about this politics thing, and that I should make endorsements so that others know how to vote. Hah! Yet another fast one put over on y’all. But I will turn the lens created by my massive brain, regular reading of the LA Times, and BA in Poli Sci towards the morass of sleazy ads that is our 2006 midterm elections, and tell you how to vote to create my perfect society of all-powerful supermen, bwa ha ha ha! Read on…
Nobody Consulted the Interspecies Council on This Daylight Savings Time Thing
Nov 1, 2006 in Junior
Okay, so it’s Fall Back time; we all get an extra hour of sleep Sunday morning, and now we get to enjoy the cold, still dark that comes in winter evenings. Well, we could if we didn’t live in Southern California. But I digress. Birds, now, birds know nothing of these Daylight Savings Time changes. All they do know is that sometimes they’re tired and testy, and sometimes they’re ready to eat breakfast and get the day started.
Read on…